Things I wish I could tell you..

I feel like I took too long to do the right thing.

I feel like I made a horrible mistake too suddenly.

I feel like I was always wrong,

Then again maybe I was right all along until the final good bye?

I wish I could tell you that everything will be okay.

I wish I could tell you that you have given me some of the best memories of my life. I also wish I could tell you that you have caused me some of the worst pain in my life.

I wish I could tell you I still love you; that you were the best thing that happened to me. I wish that I could tell you that after a 18 months I no longer love you, but I would just be lying to myself. You are still everything to me and I fear you always will be. You've gone from treating me like your princess, to treating me like something on the bottom of your shoe. I wish I could tell you that breaking me made me stronger but you won't even listen. I wish I could tell you that I'm sorry and for once you believe it.

I wish things were like they were.

I wish I could be happy again.

I wish I could trust people.

I wish I still felt pain; you made me emotionless.

I wish I cld tell ya, what an asshole uv been. Iv known u since I cld remember but I could hardly ever win. I wish I cld understand ya and maybe even sympathize with ya, but things have been so awful I'm afraid it will never mend.

Everytime we play again, I feel the air too thin. I wish I could tell u, how heavy and boring uv been. U take things so seriously, but mock whenever it suits u, I'm afraid I'm starting to get torn between what's real and the demons u carry.

I wish I cld tell u that's it's finally time to part. There is no romantic resolution, I'm afraid it's deadend.

Im so sorry to confess here what i will never do in person. Ur defenses so sharp and automatic, the blame will snap right back. Whatever I say to u, it is thrown right back.

How can one play a game where losing must feel like winning,

and how can one pretend crying is smiling, straighten their shoulders and walk right past.

Shits hard my brother, game over for now💩

I wish I could tell you how I feel about every thing you do an every thing you say to me I wish I could tell you how upsetting it is when you ignore me or how it feels when you get mad at me

It's almost been two years since we first met. We started out as friends and that was all I could see you as because you were in a relationship then you became single and we became closer. I've never clicked with anyone as fast as I clicked with you. We clicked on a mental, physical, emotional level. We could never really be an "us" due to the situation. You ended up getting back with her even though you told me you were unhappy and I just couldn't understand. It only took me a week to fall so hard for you. Everything is always complicated with us because we are not an us and I hate that. I want you with all your flaws and all your baggage because quite honestly all I care about is you and the way you make me feel about myself. This is why I want to tell you I love you, but I can only say it to myself and I hope one day I can actually say it to you. Say it and see your soft brown eyes and your gentle smile staring back at me.

I wish I could tell you how much you hurt me. I wish I could tell you how I can still feel the scars all these years later. I wish I could tell you that although you nearly broke me, I am strong.

The things I wish I could tell you since you never give me the chance to speak. I wish you knew how much damage you have caused me in the 12 yrs we been together. I don't trust you anymore and God forgive me but I hate you. So many unanswered questions eating me up alive . So much pain that I don't see any hope. I see no future because you dimmed my vision years ago with your negativity. I walk around ashamed of who I am cause your manipulative ways conquered me. And now after many years of trying and praying you finally find God after I have endured so much. After I've given up on us and myself. I can't erase the damage you done. I can't get back the years I've lost. I'm angry. Angry that you will find peace and I will remain messed up. I didn't cause you the damage. I wasn't the one hurting you physically or sexually. I wasn't the one lying, stealing and cheating on you. I'm not the Abuser .... I AM THE SURVIVOR ! So don't expect me to be happy cause you found God over night. Good for you , you are forgiven by him. But I have every right to be angry. Every right to want to scream. Every right to cry ! Every right to not want to hear you. Cause all you've been to me was nothing but PAIN! You destroyed my inner self, you robbed me of my self esteem . You took what wasn't yours when I was sleeping . You manipulated me in to things I never wanted . But you found God ... Good for you.

Forgive me Lord , I know I'm so wrong but I don't find it fair that his memory can be wiped clean and he can sleep peaceful . How he can walk around like he did no wrong while I'm here dying inside from the many years of abuse? These are the things I would want you to know Mr.O since you never give me a chance to speak or allow my pain mend.

herawski (ehm), i wish what i showed you about that (the lil things between our togetherness, and talks) made sense to you, i just want to let you know that i have a feeling for you. I care, but i am not sure you do so. Anyway, i just wnna let you know tat im happy to meet you today. Ive been thinking about you before. Lol. take care.