Things I wish I could tell you..

Dear friend, I wish I could tell you that I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you mad, and I didn't mean anything I said, I have just had my emotions boiled up for to long, and what you said just made me burst. I guess that's not really a good excuse, but I really just miss having you around to laugh with, make jokes with, and tease.

You are small. You are a empty creature with no love for this family. We see past you, we are not benieth you.

You are small. You are empty. You are a creature

Dear new friends,
I'm trying, I really am. I want to fit in, I want to get to know you better but the road goes two ways. I am not going to compromise myself anymore for you. I'm not going to compliment you and then get ignored. I'm not going to laugh at jokes I don't find funny. I'm not going to stay quiet when I want to say something. I'm not going to feel bad when I can't attend something. All this stress and worries trying to please you is not worth it. If I lose you, I lose you. I've been alone for a long time and I do appreciate you guys for but I deserve to be treated equally. If I'm not worth your time, neither are you mine.

Dear friends and family,

I wish I was confident and ballsy enough to tell you that I am terrified. Terrified for my future and being stuck in this little town forever and terrified that I'll never be good enough. Good enough for any of you. I'm just me. I'm not that special and I'm scared that someday you'll realize that.

Mom, I wish I could tell you that the counselling at school is helping but it has absolutely done nothing and I still feel just as bad as before.

Dear Dad, I wish I could talk to you about how I've been feeling. I know you would understand, but I can't put that on you right now and I'm worried you'll think I'm weak and dependent of other people, or that I'm just feeling sorry for myself.
I wish you knew how hard it can be to be around you, and how much you have changed. I used to feel accepted by you. Now I feel that I am letting you down. You can be so judgemental sometimes.
You tell me I misunderstand you, that I'm not letting you down at all. But then why do I feel like crap around you? Please explain to me what's changed between us.
I miss your humor and I miss laughing with you. I miss you making me feel special. I wish we could go back to those times and I wish we could trust each other again. I really miss you. I love you so much. I want you to be happy again.

Dear M & W,

I'm an atheist and I wish I was brave enough to actually tell you. I have been for the past six weeks and every day I see you two is a struggle. I know both of your beliefs and I also know that there's a good chance you won't like me anymore after this - or at the very least, you'll never look at me the same way again. I'm so sorry keeping you in the dark, and you have no idea how much I want to tell someone. But that someone won't be you.

I hate the way my family looks at me sometimes, the way they glance over at me while they pray, the way they look down on me as they quote the Bible. In the worst moments, it's like they can already see me burning. As much as I want you to know the truth about me, I don't want you to look at me that way.

You two are the only friends I've ever had, and I know sometimes I don't seem like it but you are one of the biggest reasons I still get up in the mornings. If I lost you, I don't know what I would do.

I'm sure the truth will come out about me eventually, so I just want to let you know I'm so sorry. If I could believe again, I would. I wanted to believe it so badly. I really wanted to believe that there was a being out there who has always and forever will love me, but I can't keep lying to myself. I don't hate you because you're Christians. Remember that.

I'm sorry that I can't actually tell you all this. I'm too selfish to risk losing you, even if it means keeping you in the dark.

I love you both.

- Azure

I wasnt contacting you because its really need courage for me to do that. It wasnt because i didnt care for the project im doing, yes it is, this isnt related to you nor giving you any benefits. I am sorry for what i did. I know its time for me to learn and leave those negative character.

Lovely Love,

Constantly criticizing me, allowing me no sympathy, and saying I'm exaggerating any time I say something is wrong and try to stand up for myself is not exactly the best way of showing someone you love them. I have given you everything I have for five years and I have gotten one single shred of sympathy in all that time. You make me feel just as bad as I did in high school, when I was so in love with you that you were the only beacon to lead through the darkest time of my life. You are the reason I am alive today, but the way you treat me makes me wish I felt nothing. You need me to nurture you, but you cannot accept or acknowledge that I have needs and concerns, too. A relationship is supposed to be an equal effort of both of its parts, but from the start, you have never put in as much as I have, and when I ask you do make an effort you act as if you are doing me a favor. Sometimes, you are so much like your parents that I hate you, but I can't stop loving you long enough to convince myself this isn't worth it. And every time I think I would be better off alone, I remember how your face looks when you smile, and suddenly leaving you seems like the worst thing in the world. I can't stand you, but I can't stand living without you, either.

I'm dealing with a broken heart, it's been 8 months and I can't take it anymore.