Things I wish I could tell you..
Mom, I wish you'd stop acting like i was okay because I'm not.I have been dealing with severe dpression and anxiety for the past five years. The reason I started self harming was beacause of what you let happen. Last week while you were at the store I was going to kill myself, but I couldn't do it because I didn't want you to find me. I wish you'd listen to me more and get me the help I need before I'm too far gone. I wish we had a better relationship, but we don't. And I don't think we ever will. I also need to let you know that the only reason I'm still here is because, no matter how miserable I am, I still try to hold on just so you will never know the feeling of losing a child.
I just want you to know that I love you. I wanted to tell you that for a long time. I have the feeling you love me the same way I love you. That day at the coffe shop I was about to tell you the true but I didnt wanted to rush, you told me to go ahead and talk. I couldnt even finish when the intruder lady showed up and we had to change the subject. I would never ever imagine you will get in the health limbo you are right now. I couldnt said goodbye or hugged you one more time....
True is Im in love with you , your smile, your crazyness, your silyness and I miss you very much. That is the reason why Im getting the garden ready even when it hurts so bad not to see you there with me.
Im still dont understand why I didnt say anything when you told me "you can not get in my nerves not even if you try".You got my out of guard that day, if I could go back in time , I would kiss you on that instant. I know you love me too.
Dear new friends and family,
I am scared. I am trying, trying so hard to not fail at what I am doing. Whether that's college, career, personal or volunteer work. College, I am scared that I am going to fail, that it will take longer than it should. Career, I am scared that I am not meant for this. Personal, that I am scared I am so damaged and the amount of personal work will never be enough when more and more comes, that it will never be okay. Volunteer, I am scared that I am too broken to be helpful, that I will impose my damage on those I want to help. I am so scared that I am not enough.
Things i wish i could tell you......
i'm so tired for
-getting ignored by everyone
-being bullied for the past 5 years...
-too scared to get out from my comfort zone
You make me feel uncomfortable when:
@onlyhope33 maybbe its time to let this friendhip end. Or distance yourself, its not fair to you to deal with such negativity, surround yourself with positvity. And be the change you want to see, you have influence on your surroundings
Dear friend,
I'm sorry for being so rude to you. Our friendship means very much to me and I don't want to lose you just because of this stupid depression and anxiety. You are the person I admire and I don't know why I'm so rude to you. It's completely my fault. You are always so nice to me, giving me compliments and cheering me up on my "bad days". I hope you can find a way to forgive me and we can still be friends.
Dear co worker,
I still love you, although its been 8 months. I know we never had anything going on between us and for many good reasons but my heart doesnt listen to my brain. I deeply hope I permanantly have captured apart of your heart like you did mine. 💛😭
I feel like I could let go of alot of my insecurities with you. I feel like I could get lost in you and at the same time find myself. I'm willing to leave my comfort zone for you, but I am scared that you don't feel the same way and I don't know if I'll be brave enough to find out
C.L:
I wish I could tell you that it hurts that after all this long time being best friends it was all fake.
M.C:
I wish I could tell you that I am here for anything you need, really.
G.R:
I wish I could tell you how glad and thankful I am for everything you did for me.
V.M:
I wish I could tell you that you are better than that. I don't know why you are so insecure. I don't know why you hate me, I don't hate you at all. You only make me feel bad.
I wish I could tell you how much pain you caused me, how much you made me suffer this depression. When you were with me I felt strong. But now... You are the reason I am a broken empty shell of who I was, I carry the scars you helped me deal with, but I haves added to the collection after your passing. You helped me not dread life, gave me a purpose to live. You were like my older sister, taking care of me as I with you. I still love you so much, but I can't do anything but put you to blame of my hurt. I sit for hours crying about you, wishing it was fake, that you were pulling a prank... But I know that it is real, even months after your death I feel to still deny your passing when I need you most. I wish I could have said goodbye...
I wish I could tell you that i am not able to sleep everyday when im thinking about the task, and you. I wish I could tell you that I dont like it the moment when you bursting all of your anger and dissapointment in front of peoples that are stranger for me. Cant you also feeling the guts I've been keeping? I feel so ashamed, embarrased, sad, and hurt. We all know that yesterday was our apologizing day, but then today you just couldnt understand whats is the position i am taking in. I am struggling this for us. I never feel i am doing it for myself.
