Thoughts of Divorce

@Indirectfire

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. Thee's a few things I would like to point out;

I've been married for nearly 18 years. I love my wife, but we have had some rough times over the years. At one point a few years ago, we separated for a few days. She stayed with her parents, and I stayed at home. During that time she went on 4 dates and slept with 2 of them. (I could only imagine how hurt and betrayed you must had felt after you found this out. She seems to lack intengrity and loyalty. She also seems selfish because she lacks self love, so she has this need to find it from others) It almost ended us altogether. But I was hopeful and we started trying to make things better. But I can't seem to find that trust in her anymore. (This is completly normal, trust can easily be broken through cheating, and it definetly takes a long time to trust her again) I can't get myself to forget about the things that have happened in the past. Not just the above, but other things too. (This is also normal as well, I would have felt the same way you are feeling now. I do feel the relationship started too quickly without you taking your own time to heal and trust her)

She was raised in a family where she didn't feel loved by her dad unless she performed at perfection in everything. (This definetly is going to affect her self esteem and adult life, and it will make her expect perfection from you which can put you in a tough spot) Therefore, she can't handle any kind of criticism, especially from me. (I can tell she gets defensive and triggered when it comes to criticism, so her past takes over the present) She doesn't hesitate to make me aware of the things I do that she doesn't like, but I can't do the same. (Uncompromising rules, double standards and this sounds like her way of control. This marriage is starting to feel like its all about how she feels, but then she disregards how you feel. This is not a marriage you should be in because you will lose yourself and then you will end up resenting her because of how poorly she treats you) It always turns into me being mean, (This is your way to get your needs met and trying to be in control) saying she's a bad person, (This is criticism on order to make her do what you want) or she turns it around and starts pointing out my flaws. (She is definetly playing the revenge tactic, and seeking to hurt you in the same way she felt hurt) I have plenty of them, I know. But the thing is, if I mention her flaws (I feel like you both shouldn't be doing this, it causes disconnection and it puts more distance between the two of you) or say (but you do that to me too), then she says I need to just listen to her and take responsibility for myself. (This is what i mean...It's all about how she feels and her needs while disregarding your own. I feel she tends to project on you and behave in a selfish way. She doesn't listen when you feel down or upset, doesn't take responsability for herself, but yet expects you to do the same for her...) Yet, she does the exact same thing to me and either does things differently for a day or so (with a hateful tone and scowl look on her face) or she doesn't try to make it better at all. (I can see how this situation is making you feel, and its not fun being in a situation like this, but for your own mental health is best to stay away from a woman like her...)

Sometimes I wish she would cheat on me again and I could find out so I'd have a good reason to leave. (The best reason to leave is how she treats you. I feel like this marriage is way too toxic, and it definetly needs to end because she will not change and this is how she will always behave)