Time to leave?
Ok, so I have been with my partner 9 years this year. Living (only renting) for 6 years and we have a 3 year old.
He has always been a BIG drinker and socialiser, pre baby, as was I to a point. However, since lockdown has been lifted for him it has increased tenfold. He doesn’t drink indoors that much however twice a week EVERY week without fail he goes to a football match (supporting not playing) which then he is out 4-5 hours prior and then approx 12 hours after. For examples sake…match was at 3pm on a Saturday, he leaves at 10am Saturday and will not return until 10-11am on Sunday. He say he stays at a friends. I have questioned as to whether he’s cheated and sometimes I’ve wished he did so that j had a tangible excuse to get rid of him. He then proceeds to spend all day Sunday in bed. If this is a weekday match he will leave work early and then come back 6-7am and not work (although pretend to or just not bother logging into work).
I am a bit at the end of my tether, it’s not the going out and leaving the house is the length of time for an apparent football match? And then the next day the being in bed all day away from our child.
I feel like a single mother and im thinking it would be easier at this point to be one.
He had taken money out on an old credit card that I didn’t find out about running up £6k worth of debt. He constantly refuses to pay bills, meaning I am out of pocket for the month or I am forced to go to family for hand outs or rely on credit cards to pay.
He says he “deserves” to go out as he works from home all week and is isolated, he gets up with out child 4 days a week (she wakes up at 7.30 and is a good sleeper, I leave the house at 6am) and takes her to childcare however I do everything else (pick ups, bedtimes, all weekends solo)
He does the cooking however I work 4 days a week and I don’t eat at home those days as I work long hours ans by the time I do the pick up ans bed time I am shattered.
Oh and another thing…..I have a record of 2 years worth of physical abuses….bruises, broken bones, cuts and verbal threats.
I don’t know what I’m asking for but I have NO ONE to tell.
@compassionateCoconut3477
Noone can tell you what to do. You have to do what's best for you and the child. Initially i thought he was a spoiled lazy man, but then you mentioned broken bones. He's a monster. And he's not going to get better in time am afraid. You can give him a chance, i guess if he gets treatment for his addictions, anger and whatever else he has. I'm so sorry my friend.
@compassionateCoconut3477
While no one is in your shoes to tell you what to do ..... I think you have been very forgiving
Have you spoken to him and set your boundaries .... i think it is important before he gets you in further debt or something.... it is not getting any easier as you child gets older . starting over is work and when you are ready you will know.
HI
I was out for a walk when I saw this yesterday, and I didn't get a chance to respond. I know what it's like to not have anyone to tell or talk with, I wish I had responded to you because I ended up going out and nothing bad happened but I am still not feeling well... I just want to say I am so sorry for all you are going through, when I read the physical abuse part, that is what did it for me. Yes, I think you should do everything possible to look after yourself. Don't think this person is mature and ready to be in a relationship with you or anyone until they work on themselves. I hope you are able to make the right decision for yourself. I wish you the best!
It sounds like your partner is unsupportive to the point of you feeling like you're already alone in the relationship as you do all the work to take care of your child.
In addition, he sounds downright physically and emotionally abusive. That's a frustrating and scary situation to be in to say the least. Your feelings are valid. You don't need an excuse like him cheating if you want to leave.
It sounds like you are very much wanting to leave, but a part of you is staying in it for some reason. Maybe you are just waiting for validation and confirmation that you're not crazy for wanting out. Well I'm here to tell you that your feelings are more than valid and it's important for you to be safe -- especially if he is a danger to you and your child.
@compassionateCoconut3477
If your instincts are telling you that you should leave him you should listen to them. It doesn't sound like he's brought anything beneficial into your life.
I think the fact that your even considering leaving him should be a sign that yes, it's time for your relationship with him to end.
