Why am I just a bad person
26 years I’ve been the good son, the good friend, the good partner. Now I barely speak to my parents, I only just rekindled my friendship from childhood, and I’ve cheated on my fiancée. I haven’t felt anything for over a year, any emotion except for fear and discomfort. I was able to think when I stopped talking to my parents but now they think I hate them. I am glad I rekindled my friendship but I’ve lost so much time with him and his family, his daughter doesn’t even remember me. I thought because I was numb and this woman made me feel something for a little that intimacy wasn’t a problem, I can’t even say I wanted to do it. Now I can’t tell my fiancée because I’m the only person who has ever cared she has said. I’m the only one who’s never forced myself on her, I’ve never yelled at her or raised a hand, the first time she didn’t want to be intimate with me she cried because she was scared to tell me and I just accepted her saying “no” and didn’t force it. She’s been through enough. I’ve done the bare minimum, except I failed simply being a loyal partner which is the only thing she asked of me. I have a daughter, and I couldn’t imagine what I’d do if someone did this to her and I’m not sure what is wrong with me, I’m not sure why I’m like this and I’m growing so very tired of being me. I don’t want to be anymore. I take everything good I have and I just take advantage of it, I’m not sure why but I would like some other answer than I’m just a bad human but every turn I make that seems to be the answer. I know I’m doing wrong but no matter what I do I fail at being better.
@Flayyy
It's Great that you have discovered a problem in your life and come forward in a honest way, that's something to be proud of.. That's not what bad people do.
Make peace with your mistakes and move on with your life... I believe your being to hard on yourself..🌟
@Flayyy
You are not a bad person you may just be lost in who you are or what you want your life to be. When we just are not really happy in the moment and sometimes do something out of character or reckless to feel something.
I have been there fed up wanting to do something to feel something tired of always doing the right thing and no one keeping in touch or paying attention to us.
We do weird things in that moment. Reconnecting to a past friend may make it worse as we are trying to find ourselves and instead, we look backwards to who we once were. The cheating may have been doing something no one would think we would do. we may have wanted to in the moment but now see it was a reckless move. Most of these things can be repaired talking to your parents and resolving that ... deciding to come clean with your fiancé or having real hard conversations about how you feel.
It's a good thing that you are brave enough to identify the problem. You are not a bad person. You are just going through a phase, possibly charactized by past events in your life. You are doing your best. Just don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes, you don't need to try too hard to prove yourself, just being you is enough. In the meantime, it's okay to see a therapist if you feel the need to. 🤗❤️💪
@Jaynguzo I just don’t get it, I hate that I did it but I find myself wanting to check on the other woman. We shared something that was real and I hate that we did, we never should have. I feel like I am losing something I’m not gonna get back and I should t feel that way about someone that isn’t my partner. I’m hating myself because I miss talking to her, and I want to feel that way towards my partner whose done nothing but love and support me.
