sex in marriage

@Sabo123

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. Theres a few things I would like to point out;

Hi me and my wife have been together for 6 years and married 2 years. Although i love me wife we have both come to the conclusion that we are not sexually compatible. (I dont think this has anything to do with whats going on. The truth is you both started taking each other for granted, certain behavior that possibly turn off one or both sides, one side probably lost attraction and you both stopped putting the best of efforts)

My sex drive desire is alot more than hers, i would usually like to have sex 1-3 times a week while she will only desire it 1ce every 6 weeks. (This is an indication you are more into her than she is into you, so this is going to make her desire sex less and then she will often come up with excuses as to why she can't do it. I would really take a look at how the courtship and dating started because if you are not doing any of those things you did in the beginning then she will lose attraction and feelings for you) This is majorly affecting our marriage as im always being rejected and turn down from her and she is feeling pressure. (I can understand its hurtful being rejected, but i can tell you are not reading her body language, so you begin to make moves on her even though she is not as interested. I can also tell you have been coming strong on her, and not getting her to talk about whats really going on) I have stopped initating sex and left the in her control. (This is going to make her feel angry and turn off because she wouldn't want to be in control. I honestly think you will need to do all of the thing you did in the beginning and going on dates with her. Her behavior is from a woman who has shut down, and you have felt insecure and neglected by her actions. You are both feeling disconnected from each other) Its been more than 6 weeks and no sex. (This is in inexcusable, she definetly stopped putting the effort, and now this marriage has turned into a roomate situation) I am really sexually frustrated and dont know what to do. (Its normal you feel this way, but they are a lot of issues that have not been resolved and talked about which is probably the reason she could be behaving this way) She will not give me sex and she will not allow me to masturbate. She has rejected and turnned me down for sex for years, (I wouldn't have tolerate this situation for this long, and you have allowed her to treat you this way. She is not meeting your needs and is putting zero effort in this marriage, which means she is taking you for granted and she has changed the dynamic of this relationship) it has made me feel really low n knocked my confidence. I recently was made redundant so im in a low place right now.

We get on well but without the intimacy it just feels like a friendship. (If this is what she is willing to give you, then its an offer you have to refuse. You can't stay in a marriage where your wife stopped putting the effort and its only staying for other reasons thats not for love) Any suggestions on what i should do next?

@Sabo123

I know your frustration. I was with a man from 2009 until 2018. We were married from 2010-2018. In the beginning it was great. We were super excited and always with each other. Then we had a child in 2013. He shut off. Nothing I could do would make him look at me the same way again. My drive didn't diminish. As a matter of fact we were sexually active 4 days after our child was born! It was MY request. In the years that followed from 2013-2015 I got very little affection from him and little sex. Then in 2016 I discovered he was cheating with women online. There was zero communication between us. We stopped sharing a bedroom and no sex from 2016 until we separated in 2017. Perhaps if he had shared with me his frustration and feelings we could have come to a conclusion about what was bothering him. If I had shared I was feeling neglected after our child was born. Point being here communication is vital in any relationship. Have you tried to talk to her about feelings? Did something change healthwise? Work wise? Maybe family issues? Has she gained weight and feels unsexy? Women can have so many reasons for not wanting sex. Take the time perhaps to ask what is going on. But please don't stay in a relationship where you end up getting neglected. It causes so much pain and you end up resenting the other person

I am so sorry for your frustration. I know the unwanted feelings and I also understand the gaining weight can make you feel undesirable. One thing I found towards the ending of my marriage was I asked my ex husband if he would go to the gym with me. It wasn't just for me. It was for both of us. We were both going to get healthier. She might not want to, but if you make it fun, say look let's just try a 7 day trial and we can go to the gym, fool around on the equipment and see how it goes. Then we can grab some thing to eat after wards. Make a reward of it also since it seems she is feeling perhaps like the dating spark has died. Then who knows? Seeing you get your sweat on in the gym might spark something in her. Getting her heart pumping and help her wash her back after without asking for anything in return, just showing affection might lead to her feeling more appreciated. My desires for my husband never diminished. It was on his end that when he started looking outside our marriage things cooled off. I never asked either so it was partly my fault. If I had told him what I was feeling we might not have ended up where we are today