My boyfriend is heartless.

***** if anyone wants to comment to me about how crazy I am for staging, I KNOW. I have bad, bad depression. I have diagnosed ptsd from watching my dad die from ms. My mom has a lot of mental issues and can't help me. I have defaulted on 30k of student loans because I quit school when my dad died and was only making 6.75 an hour. It's hard for me to find a place to rent with that debt. I live right outside of Detroit, so shelters scare me and seem more dangerous than home. I've been to mental hospitals twice because the mind games are so real. I called cps on my bf for something that happened I didn't mention in my post. His ex, my step daughters mom, told me I was turning her last few days that should be peaceful into chaos. She had stage 3 breast cancer but is in full remission now. Her daughter had to get an exam to check for sexual abuse and said it made her transgender so she wasn't allowed over our house for months. So everyone makes me out to be the bad guy. Sometimes I feel strong and say i have to leave, but other times people make me feel crazy like I'm making all of it up in my head.

@hello1987

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

On Friday I came home from work around 12:30 at night with the flu. I had been throwing up in a grocery bag all the way home. My boyfriend (of 7 years) asked me if he could go out to the bar since I was just going to bed. I reluctantly said okay. (This kind of sounds you wanted him to stay?) It was late, the bars were closing soon, and he'd be home soon no problem. So all day the next day he's sleeping or sleepy and grumpy from being out late the night before. I'm throwing up all day, and finally at 8 he asks if he can go out to eat with a friend. (This part right here confirms to me you actually wanted him to stay and spend time with him, but the way he kept going out might make you feel disconnected) As he's out to eat I send him cute videos of me and our 3 year old playing on the couch, she's all over me. (You have every to feel disconnected after the way he keeps going on, so all of this was meant to pull you two closer because at that moment you felt separation anxiety) I tell him I can't get a second to relax but I say it lightheartedly. (This is coming across as indirect communication, and it shows you might have some sort of fear to be direct) 2 hours go by and I ask him his ETA. He says he is at this hole in the wall bar. This bar has boarded up windows, no tv, and uses paper cups instead of glasses. I don't see a reason for him to be at the bar when I have it coming out of both ends at home with a 3 year old. I responded sarcastically that it was fine,(This is a sign of some sort of hidden anger or having a difficult time expressing how you feel because of how it went in the past) I would love for him to come home buzzed because i like it when he drinks especially when I'm sick with the baby. He starts calling me a bitch. (I do believe sarcastic comments like that can lead to fights, but at the same his response is coming across as offensive, its showing he has lack of emotional self control when he is angry)

He's a very bad drunk. A couple weeks ago, the last time he got really drunk - he was all smiles when we were out at his brother in laws party. He whispered to me it was probably time to go. On the way out to the car he said he wanted to fight someone and didn't know why. (This is a red flag right here, its showing me he is quite impulsive and doesn't have the adult communication to solve things on a peaceful manner.) He walked in the house and said he wanted to kick our daughters play kitchen and didn't know why. (This is another red flag right here, it tells me the way he copes with anger is by lashing out or throwing things around. His behavior will kill all safety in your daughter and in you) Told me he wanted to put his cigarette out on me and didn't know why. (This is a major major major red flag here, its an indication he is a man with anger issues, and doesn't know how to process his anger on a healthy way. He is telling you how angry he is) I went to bed. (You seem to have ignored the red flags at this point, he is not a man that can give you a healthy relationship to you and the child) He follows me, apologizes, and kisses me. (He is pretending as if he didn't say any of those mess up things)Gets undressed for a shower. For some reason gets dressed again and come lays on me. Rolls over on the bed and is silent for a second and then freaks out because he was scared and I didn't comfort him. (Well he did this out of no where, so it was normal the way you felt. He didn't properly expressed how he felt or even tell you what he needed at the time) Hell breaks lose. I become absolutely silent except for telling him I don't know what to say because I'm afraid of triggering him. (This is a sign you are walking on eggshells and don't feel safe in this relationship you have with him. His behavior has killed all of the safety in this relationship) Throughout the night he's throwing stuff at me (He is being abusive, and it shows how out of control he is. You can't ignore this behavior any longer) and yelling "do something! Fight! Yell! React!" (In other words, he is behaving like a child when he doesn't get his way. I think he is being manipulative and controlling at this time. He expects you to read his mind and comfort him when he has not even tell you in what he needs to feel heard) Calling me a do nothing, a grain of sand. (He is being emotionally abusive, again you cant ignore this behavior. He is totally out of control, incapable of soothing himself and is blaming you for how he feels when in reality this is all his fault) I refuse to respond because there'd be no way to calm him down and fighting would make it worse. (Its understandable you didn't know what to say or do after the way he exploded) He ends up throwing me out of bed after I dozed off, head first onto the floor and just leaves me there and lays in bed. The next morning I just take the baby and go eat, etc. he texts me that I'm trash. (Take a closer look at his behavior...He has unreasonable expectations of people taking care of him, so now he lashes out and do awful things in an attempt to hurt you. His text comes from a place of someone who has zero control of himself. I feel this relationship is toxic and not good for you)

we talk about it days late and he promises he's going to take an entire week off of work and get counseling and anger management. (I doubt he will do any of this. His fantasy is making him saying all of this, but when it comes to reality it is where he wont do a thing) This isn't the first or 20th time crazy things have happened. He's gotten into a hit and run after coming to my job wasted threatening me. (This is just inexcusable...)He's strangled me in my sleep years ago. (You have been with this man way longer than you need to, this is an ultimate deal-breaker in a relationship. You should have gotten the police involved and restraint order after the way he treated you here) He's been doing better as far as abuse goes, (You are ignoring and distorting reality here. He has shown zero improvement because he still abuses you and only cares about how he feels. Its this the kind of life the child has to see growng up?)but that's because he doesn't drink as much as he used to. (He probably still drinks, and you are minimizing the situation)

so I'm not trying to just be super controlling when I don't want him at the bar when I'm really sick with the flu. I need help, not a guy with an admitted drinking problem stopping at the bar while I'm waiting for him. (Heres the thing, you desire closeness from him and want him to spend time with you, but he is choosing to invest more on his drinks and friends. He is incapable of giving you what you want and need because he is a very toxic and abusive person)

Even right now, he's asleep in his daughters bed (my step, who is at her moms) and I had to go in there and get something and it just wreaks. It smells like how drunk nick smells when he wakes up. And I have issues with that smell. From years of bad things happening when he's drunk. Passing out on the lawn of the house we just bought, faced up with his penis hanging out of his pants. And peeing all over the house, that was a phase. (Take a close look at his behavior, you are dealing with someone who has an alcohol addiction. Its not okay you have to deal with this everyday, the reality is that he needs to overcome this addiction.)

what's worse is the next morning when his anger continues for no reason. Doesn't matter if I was strangled or thrown off the bed, he sticks to his guns for days about how I'm "the meanest person he's ever met", "you're trash". (I think he is distorting reality here, and manipulating things to make you feel as if you are the bad person. He is projecting how he feels on you, and this shows he doesn't respect you or what you two have. Its important to leave a toxic relationship like this for your own and the child mental health) And I ask him, why? Why? You just bought me a ring on Christmas, but after you freak out drunk over nothing, I'm trash? But then I stop talking to you for days and call family looking for a way out, and you have this long conversation with me about getting help, but now that you're at the bar again when I'm sick with the baby, I'm the meanest person you've ever met? (This is very similar to "I hate you, don't leave me". The moment he knows he has you it is where he mistreats you and shows zero consideration for how you feel, but soon as you want to leave it is where he promises you the world and how he wants to change. You cant stay in a toxic relationship like this, he simply cant do relationships.)

His ex, my step daughters mom, told me I was turning her last few days that should be peaceful into chaos. (She is distorting reality here and projecting how she feels on you. Her last few days have been chaos because of her, not you) She had stage 3 breast cancer but is in full remission now. Her daughter had to get an exam to check for sexual abuse and said it made her transgender so she wasn't allowed over our house for months. So everyone makes me out to be the bad guy. (I dont think you are the bad guy, however those people are expert manipulators, and now which buttoms to press. They dont have any control of themeselves, so its easier for them to push on you on order to become responsible for their own actions. It's not you, its them) Sometimes I feel strong and say i have to leave, but other times people make me feel crazy like I'm making all of it up in my head.