Spilling my life story lmao read at your own risk (actually please help tho I need advice)

I feel really weird doing this but I hope it'll be beneficial. Ive been with my bf for a year and a half now. Over the course of that time some extremely traumatic things happened to both him and me. It was a lot to take in within the first year of dating and we both became extremely emotionally dependent on one another. During that time both myself and him would tell each other everything that was wrong in extreme detail and the things that were wrong were...bad. Within the past few months (like since march) he's been getting a lot better mentally with the help of medication and outside support but because of the severity of what happened last year I'm terrified that something is going to set him off and it's going to get really bad again the way they were a year ago. My worry for him is so extreme that even the smallest things like him having a headache give me such intense anxiety that I basically have formed these walls around me where I almost "dismiss" him when he's trying to come to me with a problem because the anxiety is so bad. Around a month ago I decided I almost would rather not know how he's doing at all than know and it be bad. This being said, he's truly doing a lot better and all this fear is completely in my head. I know this but I can't help but be terrified for him all the time and in doing so I've stopped telling him anything wrong with me because the thought of him worrying about me the way I worry about him is unbearable to imagine. Sorry if this is grammatically hard to understand I'm having a bit of a moment lol. Anyways, fast forward till now. Because I've stopped telling him a lot about me he's kind of caught on and stopped communicating back. Which I understand it's my fault I just don't know what to do. I'm doing my best to start conversations but it just feels forced and hurts really bad to have regressed in our relationship so much. I just don't know what to do. Oh and another thing. I just got out of a really unhealthy friend group but this has left me with basically no friends or people to talk to because apart from them and my bf I have no one that I trusted. I don't want to lose him but at the same time I understand that maybe it's time to end things. I just don't know. Anyways thank you if you read that whole message I know it was a lot and I'm sorry.