What should I do? TW**
This is my first post on this app, so I'm not completely sure what I'm doing but here goes. I am a female and my boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. We have had our fair share of ups and downs. From the start bad things happened. I basically cheated on my ex boyfriend, which I regret entirely. My ex and I had been together for over 3 years. He would tell me that my new boyfriend manipulated me and I wish I would have listened. There are so many red flags that I should've seen that I was blind to. For starters, here are some: He always tells me he would k*ll himself if we broke up. He is controlling and has made me stop being friends with some people. He doesn't trust me and constantly accuses me of cheating on him (I haven't). He gets mad at me for things I didn't do. He doesn't listen to me when we're arguing, and we argue almost every single day. He yells at me and makes insensitive jokes towards me that I have kindly asked him to stop making. I'm not able to go to college because he doesn't want me to leave him. There are plenty more things but I think you get it. I want to break up with him and our friend group thinks I should too because he's very toxic towards all of us. Its just very hard because I don't know who I am outside of a relationship. My mental health is deteriorating and I can't do this anymore. I don't want to hurt him but I don't know how to break things off. Please help if you can. What should I do?
@hiimbi
In this post, you actually took the very first step. You've not only made a list of excellent reasons why you should end things with your current boyfriend but also is admitting that there is a huge problem you're in which you do not want to be part of any longer.
It doesn't matter if you don't know who you are if you're not in a relationship because you can figure that out once you're free and clear of your present situation. Please note that in order to do real self-reflection, you should be OUT of your current toxic situation so that you can get a clear picture because right now your toxic relationship is likely clouding objective viewpoints on your needs and wants.
You'll have to make the decision that you deserve better, you're tired of being treated this way, and you're wanting something more for your life.
If you don't know who you are outside of a relationship, perhaps it's time to be single for a while after this relationship ends. You may look up "Co-Dependency No More", an excellent book, which can help provide you knowledge on situations where you stay too long in situations that are unhealthy for you.
I hope that you find peace, out from under the relationship you've found yourself in.
@Sventek thank you so much for replying, that helps me a lot. i really appreciate the points that you made and will definitely try to use them to think more clearly and get out of my current situation. i will definitely check out the book you recommended. thank you!!
I just wanted to post this as an update. I finally broke up with him, and i feel free. I am really sad about it but I feel like the future is brighter. I feel that many tilhings aren't able to limit me anymore and I can do what I want. Thank you to those who helped me :)