i ruined my friendships

i really need some advice

i majorly *** up and ruined 2 of my friendships

the 3 of us were very close but me and friend 1 started drifting apart lately because i wasn't putting in effort in our friendship. she was really trying to talk to me and keep it up but i just wasn't reciprocating. i was just really awful to her. i was ignoring her and still talking normally to friend 2. ive just realized we were really leaving her out.

i wasn't ignoring her on purpose at all but i just got anxious and i thought she hated me. i didn't want to make her feel bad

they both talked to me about this on wednesday and i apologized but they don't wanna be friends anymore. we haven't spoken in a week. friend 2 was sitting next to me in class and she changed her seat.

i feel so so bad. i don't want to lose them but i don't even think they should forgive me. i love them so much i feel so bad. i want to fix this but i don't know how