Abusive Religious Family
I'll preface this post by saying that I am not religious and I do not believed in the Christian god.
Growing up, my lack of faith was always a terrible point of contention with my parents. I wanted to have faith, to believe, but I never found what the others had. And, in my parent's eyes, my lack of belief was a cardinal sin. Every single other positive thing about me could be negated by my lack of religious vigor. To this day, when I think of my mother, I remember her saying that she would have to lie to a judge to tell them I was a good person. Though comments like this were par for the course, the inventiveness of insult through perjury was memorable. I know that her words aren't true, but I'll never forget them and some part of me will always feel less than because of them.
For the record, I'm not a bad person; I'm just not Christian. I truly believe that different religions exist, because people are different and need different things to thrive. The goal of love exists across most, if not all, religions and that's what I find important. I adore the Christians (& Muslims) I've met who use their faith to be their best loving selves. I just wish I'd been lucky enough to be born into a family who could do the same.
If anyone else out there has experienced something similar, I just want you to know you aren't alone (& I'm hoping I'll feel less alone by finding you).
I want to express my gratitude for navigating through these challenges. Your strength and kindness are truly admirable. Seeing your posts makes me believe that even the most intellectual and good-hearted individuals face trials and pains.
As for my own journey, I was once a follower of Islam, but I have transitioned into agnosticism. When my parents noticed my shift, especially my deviation from religious practices such as prayer and fasting during Ramadan, they expressed anger. I chose honesty and shared my truth with them, leading to their stigmatization and isolation. They have gone to the extent of withdrawing their support.
Currently, I reside in a city that is 800 km away from them, pursuing my studies in psychology and engaging in short-story writing. Despite the challenges, I find solace in the pursuit of knowledge and creative expression.
@TempestSymphony @NuurAli66
I admire your courage & inner strength. For it requires such traits to leave one's own family circle due to not believing whatever creed they've bought into. From what I've heard/read so far, the process can be especially difficult--& sometimes dangerous--for Muslims. However either of you feel as the days pass, know that you did the right thing. It is far better to leave a community behind to live by the light of your own quest for truth, than to stay there & live a lie. Doing the latter just means you'll die slowly inside while being unable to talk to anyone about it...a terrible fate indeed.
I think that in the final analysis, the reason why humans have religion is because before we even become adults we all know, in every waking minute, that we will d1e one day. There's nothing one can do about it; we all gotta fall & rot. The ultimate fate of oblivion terrifies most people, so in ancient times the more imaginative men created their gods. After that their disciples created their doctrines with those gods, etc. I'm not saying there is nothing beyond this world--that would be overstating the case--but the known universe is the only reality we can be certain of. Anything else is purely hypothetical.
@TempestSymphony
Thanks for sharing your story. Your family sounds much more extreme than mine, but I'll share briefly my experience.
I was raised Catholic and my mother was very religious and wanted to raise me "right" (by her standards). I went to a Catholic school, went to church a lot, and did all the things a good Catholic is supposed to do (except that I realized fairly early that I didn't know what any of that was about, didn't care, and didn't believe in any of it). By the time I was a teen, she was basically forcing me to go to church on Sundays and we would get into these big yelling fights. I am sure my mother was terribly disappointed in me, but of course the more she pushed, the more I pushed back. I did the obligatory act of getting confirmed, and it was my understanding that once I was confirmed, I would be considered an "adult" in the church and could make my own decisions. So immediately after my confirmation, I proudly announced that I was no longer Catholic and she could no longer make me go to church.
Like you, I believe that religion has its place and people are free to believe what they want to believe, and I think it can be a beautiful thing when people use their faith to better their own lives and the world around them. I do not believe that people have the right to impose their beliefs on others.
Parents have their own balancing act to try to follow. That's complicated enough for a lifetime of study and discussion.
You are definitely not alone.
@TempestSymphony I hear you. I had a Christian upbringing but found some things difficult to accept. So I have been a searcher of spiritual paths.
The Dalai Lama says "My religion is kindness." That sounds like something I can aspire to. He also advocates ethical living no matter what your religion. I like that openness that he asserts. He does not ask anyone to change religions, but only to change from always thinking with a self centered attitude and begin to value other people because when it all comes down to the bottom line, we all want to be happy and to be free of suffering.
Something to contemplate.