I don't know what to do

@shyCucumber7389

many have had crisis of faith and might feel unworthy as they may have done things that they feel have done things they cannot come back from .... i think most things you can come back from anything. 

The leap of faith is often taken by someone like you wanting to lay out their life and use their past experiences to move on in life and perhaps help others .... I never understood why some seem to take a path of destruction but perhaps that is your test ... to see if you can learn some life lesson in seeking to overcome any obstacle. 

I found great comfort with author Neil T. Anderson, “Victory over the darkness” and “Bondage Breaker”. He presents a Christian world view that is biblical and doesn’t shove anything down the readers throat. Also claims to never asking for donations… I think he is legit.

@shyCucumber7389 I have fallen away from a strict Christian faith but I always remember the verse )(paraphrased) Though your sins be as scarlet they shall be white as snow.

We all have made mistakes. Some of the greatest lessons of my life are from making mistakes and learning from them. Like touching a hot stove is not a sin, but it is a mistake. I regret doing that and I am determined not to do it again. I think that is the purification to have a sincere sense of regret, not blame or shame or sefl frlagellation, and a determination to avoid doing that in the future. Maybe we need more than that. I could read religious texts or pray or meditate and that too is a form of purifying past errors.

I am of the belief that things happen by cause and effect so I want to create the causes for joyful experiences. I have seen that done in a little way and hope I can continue cultivating that. 

If I can I apologize to that person. If I can't I write a letter that I never send and express my regrets. 

Hope you find a way to stop imposing guilt on yourself.