Recently on a Christian Forum some people have told me that I am the reprobate.

I have struggled with knowing if I'm saved or not since I first asked Jesus into my heart.  Why you might ask?  I don't know.  Back then it was just a feeling, I guess.  I believe that even Satan's demon's can talk to us.  In fact I think they are allowed to do that.  But they can't do anymore to you then what God allows them to do.

Anyone that has been following my posts, knows that I have been through some hard things in the area of human relationships.  That also included issues with Church that were so bad that my parents and I stopped attending, and have not been able to find a Church that suites us since.

Feeling rejected by other people who call themselves "Christians" adds to some of my own natural doubts and fears.  When I go to a Christian forum, I am hoping to find encouragement, wisdom, or at least some praying people.  Instead it feels more like a pecking order.  Find the weak one, and attack.  That does not seem to be the way Jesus wants His followers to behave.  That is how the world behaves, but Christians shouldn't.

In Christianity there are many different doctrines.  These different doctrines causes many people confusion and other struggles.  Some people walk away from the faith for that reason.

There is a doctrine called Calvinism, which is in many Churches.  It is a system that some believers try to make sense of God and Salvation.  They apply it to the Bible, and then somethings make sense to them.  However it is a questionable doctrine, and as a result believers often debate it.

Since I have so much trouble finding a Church, I started studying Calvinism, looking for clues as to why I'm being rejected.  I started listening to podcasts about it in 2016.  Over these years, I have heard so much about it, that I can ALMOST repeat what someone is going to say even before they say it!  I'm NOT saying that I am expert, so please don't try to debate me.  I'm not going to do that!

One of the things I learned, there are many different kinds of Calvinists.  They vary the doctrine here and there.  The only doctrine of Calvinism that I FEEL that I understand is the 5 point one.  To me it is the only one that is the most logical.

Before God created the world, He chose who would get saved through Jesus.  Logically that means He also chose some for the bad place.  They like be nice about it, and say God passed over those people.  Those people become the reprobate.  In other words they are rejected by God.  It doesn't matter how many times a reprobate prays and asks Jesus to forgive and give Him eternal life, He will always stay in a rejected state.  When someone in a Christian forum calls me a reprobate then that is what they mean by that.  😦

I guess what they are trying to tell me is, because Church has rejected me, and I often doubt my own salvation, then that must mean that I am a reprobate.