Information on Stalking & How to protect & remove yourself from these situations
Hello Everyone!
I wanted to write a post about stalking, especially as it pertains to 7 Cups.
Stalking is unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual or group toward another person. Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation and may include following the victim in person or monitoring them.
Stalking at 7 Cups is considered inappropriate behavior. As a listener, your job is dynamic. We often discuss the importance of setting healthy boundaries and share ideas on how to do that! Setting boundaries with members can be challenging, but it is vital to your personal success as a listener. There will be times when you need to be firm with your members.
If you need help setting boundaries (and developing your self-care practices), here are some helpful resources:
7 Tips for setting healthy boundaries
Self-care after a difficult chat
Specifically, what do we consider stalking at 7 Cups?
1) When a member/guest messages you repeatedly after you have attempted to set appropriate boundaries. They are ignoring your requests. Sometimes, they may even not completely understand your request.
2) When a member/guest engages a regular member chat with you and then later on wants to engage in sexting and engaging in sexually abusive or explicit behaviors.
3) Youve blocked / banned a member (learn more about appropriate ban and block procedures here: Page 2 on when to block vs ban) and they come and find you again from another user account (sometimes repeatedly).
4) You've had a healthy relationship with the member in the past but then their behavior changes, they become attached to you and they are not able to maintain professionalism.
Why does stalking happen?
The answer to this usually varies depending on the person engaging in the stalking behaviors. Some individuals have a very difficult time creating healthy boundaries. We can do our best to encourage them down the path of respecting boundaries through professional and empathetic communication. Lean on the help guides, resources in the listener forums, peer supporters..etc. But if you feel uncomfortable due to one of the behaviors outlined above occurring in a chat, it is your job to remove yourself from these situations. The most important thing is that you take care of you!
I have a stalker, now what do I do?
1) Use the block/ ban buttons. These are located in all 1-1 chats. (again, please refer to page 2 of the listener resource sheet for more clarification on these buttons). These buttons were put in the 1-1 chat window for you, so that you can protect yourself. You have all the tools you need to protect yourself, please use them when you need them.
If your stalker has created multiple accounts and continues to message you, you must continue to use these buttons to remove this individual. This is important for your safety and the entire communities safety. Please review this forum post on mutual responsibility when it comes to trolling behaviors.
2) Take a deep breath. It can feel very uncomfortable, but you've done nothing wrong. In fact, you are doing great. Check-in with yourself & utilize your self care practices.
3) If you've banned/blocked your stalker repeatedly over 1-14 days and they will not go away, here are the appropriate next actions:
- Mail community@7cups.com to request a username change. Please make sure to include specific information about your stalker and if there is anything else we can do to help remove this person from the community. If there are behavioral characteristics to this person, let us know so that we can try to identify patterns and further investigate.
4) If you change your username, picture and profile information as a result of a stalker, please make sure to let your regular members know. Additionally, prior to the username change being made, you need to remove/ block all of the known stalkers from your chat list.
After 2-4 weeks, we will happily change your name back if you feel comfortable.
Safety is our biggest concern. Please be safe & take care of yourself. You all have the tools, resources and knowledge to protect yourself in these situations. I want you all to feel empowered to take ownership of your personal safety!
Thank you Laura! I feel more prepared for the future now :)
A wonderfully kind and patient member of peer support directed me to this thread. Thank you for posting this information!
Thank you so much for posting!
I have experienced stalking just recently both in real life and here at 7 cups. To be honest, it really sucks and does not help with me becoming a better listener at all. Always thought experience makes us grow, but such ones are just so foul. One thing I learnt to cope with this experience is to talk to someone else about it. It's really helpful to just get it out of the system. And I belive it would be helpful if you could say it with a joke, after a certain time.