Deleting someone's account?
Hi
I've recently discovered that my wife has been coming to this site without my knowledge. While I can see that this is a good place for some people it really isn't the case when it comes to my wife.
She has quite a few issues which I help her with but her being here is a big problem because she is very naive and easily led.
I fear that she will say things that could very easily get misunderstood and cause further problems for both herself and our marriage.
How do I get her account shut down? She needs to stop coming online like she does and deal with her problems properly.
I tried talking it through with her but she won't speak to me about it never mind listen to my reasons.
I need her to focus on what's happening with us rather than talking to strangers and saying/being told God knows what ..
If someone can let me know how to get this sorted I'd be really grateful.
Thanks
@ConcernedHusband
She has the right to have an account as long as she's following the Community Guidelines and Terms of Service.
If you're concerned about information you have posted in the forums, you can tag or PM someone who has editing capabilities and they can delete the posts that you request to have removed.
One doesn't need to have an account to read the public forums and some of the support rooms. If you're concerned about someone seeing something, private 1-1s or the therapy option are your safer places to be.
If you wish to discuss things with an admin you can email them at community@7cups.com
Generally though, one person dictating that another should have their account withdrawn can create huge issues.
@AffyAvo thanks for your reply.
This is the first time I've posted anything in the forum. I don't know how to see if she has put anything here because she won't tell me the name she uses here. I'll have a look through and see if I recognise anything now though.
My concern is that she is so easily led. I don't want people telling her things thinking they are helping her when they have most likely misunderstood what she has said. With all due respect to her she isn't the brightest of people and gets very mixed up when trying to explain things.
I'll have a look around and if she still won't listen to me then I'll try speaking to admin.
Thanks again
@ConcernedHusband
dear, of all the places on the internet she could be, this is probably the safest.
she clearly came here to get help sorting through her problems. and it's wonderful that you help her with them, but sometimes we need more help than just one person, however caring or well-intentioned, is capable of giving us.
i understand that some people are very easily misled and need to be protected lest they make terrible decisions, but we're not allowed to offer advice here. the closest we are allowed to come is to suggest how one might get help. no one should be telling her anything that she isn't already thinking. and if you're this worried about what she might be thinking, then those thoughts probably need to be addressed.
if she knows that you know that she has an account here, maybe what would be best is making a thread in the relationships forum where each of you can post your sides of the things you two are going through and have caring, uninvolved individuals help you meet in the middle? maybe it will shed some light on the things she needs more help with.
i think we can agree that i have not been against you in this, and i will be more than happy to contribute to a discussion between the two of you. but under no circumstances will her account be disabled on your request.
@bunnypants thanks for replying and for your suggestion but as I said she won't talk to me or listen to me about this and I don't know what name she uses to be able to talk through the forum.
I don't think it's right that she be discussing our personal issues here.
She isn't mentally stable enough to be talking to people and I'm genuinely concerned for her well being
@ConcernedHusband you know her better than i do, but if you are going to talk about this, "i made an account on 7cups and a listener suggested that we work through this together on the forums. we can both use my account and just say which of us is posting when we post, and you can keep your private one, if that's alright" probably wouldn't be the best-received thing, but compared to an argument about using the site... ._.'?
i'm sure she'd rather keep her own account private, huh?
and i know that is too close to advice, but.
@bunnypants I don't quite understand what you mean when you say about both using the account? I don't particularly wish to discuss things as such in the public space here I just need to know how to get her account closed down to prevent issues with her
@ConcernedHusband again, i doubt it would happen even if you were able to provide records of her previously being committed that could somehow be linked up to the email address she used to sign up. you understand that a request to remove an account that may or may not even be linked to her name is intrinsically difficult. even if the staff could oblige, there would be nothing from preventing her from using the site anonymously or with another email address, not even getting into moral or legal issues.
i don't want to know whether such documents exist, but if and only if you have them, feel free to email community@7cups.com, but, again, there is effectively nothing they can do to prevent someone from using their site and you almost certainly will get the same response.
if you'd like to vent your concerns to me in private, i am currently working but also mostly available to listen to you.
and like i said, there are much worse places for her to be.
She is in fact her own person and can do whatever she wants. And she can take advice from other people. If you feel threatened by her communicating with someone that isn't you then that raises a red flag. Something is just very suspicious about the way you're wording all of this...
Sorry if you're not but you sound way too overprotective about someone who is an adult.
@Phthalo I don't mean to sound suspicious at all with how I'm wording anything here. I'm here with a genuine concern about her.
I don't believe there should be secrets within a marriage and we have been married for many years now.
I believe I'm well within my right to be looking out for her as I know how confused she can get at times. I don't want her putting herself in difficult situations.
@ConcernedHusband Sometimes someone feels better talking to strangers about thing., Better it be strangers than some friend or coworker who can gossip about it. And anyway they have strict rules here about not giving out personal info so I don't see what you're worried about. I think maybe the better thing to focus on is being there for her and not making her MORE afraid and MORE threatened of talking to you. Ask her why she doesn't want to talk to you, instead of treating her like a child. Don't make yourself out to be an enemy, don't be that person.
@Phthalo play nice, dear.
don't make me get the spoon :P
@Phthalo you've assumed that she feels frightened and threatened .. I never once said she was either of those things. This is exactly what I mean by people thinking they are helping when they have misunderstood what's been said .. and I was clear with the words I used where as she struggles to say things properly so surely you can see my concern there.
I'm not treating her like a child but as an emotionally unstable person who needs to be looked out for.
@ConcernedHusband
I am sorry my dear, but it is you that I am concerned about, but this post is not so new, so perhaps the issue has been resolved one way or the other. The description you make of your wife, is very suspect to me, and not flattering in the least. You said she wasn't too bright, easily led, naive, etc and you want to shut her down behind her back. Hmmmmmmm. Doesn't sit well with me.
@Phthalo
I am with you 100%. Something is way off here.
Did this thread get deleted and then get brought back...? I swear it got deleted at one point.
@Phthalo Yeah, it was gone. Not sure why/how it was revived.
No relationships or marriages should not have secrets no but what's the real reason for you being on here wanting help to talk about your struggles and issues with ur wife getting help so if you want her to talk to you and not be on here why aint you doing the same thing why be on here why not talk to her she has a right to be on here as much as you everyone looks out for everyone on here if you don't know her name on here then she won't know yours when people make forms and that we don't put peoples names in it that were having issues about so how would she know its you if she isn't the brightest person??? As you said she is not bright she's on here for the same reasons you are no doubt you come here for someone to talk to to have the courage to tall to ya wife she's on here to talk to people how she feels vent no doubt like you vent talk to people we are all strangers we don't know who you are we can't see you we know nothing about and we cant tell others about what listeners talk to people about or what that persons struggles are lease its a stranger and not a friend or a family member who can tell others in the circle what was said there are a few people on her who can also be misled n things like that that's why listeners are patient and say things in all different aspect for the person to understand
