Two of My Three Children Told Me to Commit Suicide
I even tried. I took 90 klonapin and slept through the night. Two days later the police showed up, because I posted something to a relative that made them think I had just taken the pills and I wound up in a psych ward for 5 days.
I lost my job. I'm, 1099, so you have NO employee protection. And I have 3 weeks to find a new place to live.
Meanwhile I go to a page on "Advice on Suicide". No. 1, Never stay alone. My landlord has sold his house, flown off to the East Coast and I am here alone for the next three weeks.
No. 2 - Talk to a friend or relative who cares. Well, guess what. Only one does and he cannot bear the burden of it alone. So I asked for some help from my other two kids and they told me to just do and put them out of this misery.
No. 3 - Extended family. My closest sister is just going through the joy of her first grandchild's birth, so I can't lay stuff like this on her. Another sister won't talk to me. The third is disabled after three bouts of cancer. Three brothers and only one talks to me, but he is working two jobs and is 3 hours different in time.
no. 4 - Seek Help. There are no local face to face therapists. NV has been overrun since Obamacare started. Most therapists only work 4 days a week, 9 to 5 which is when I'm working - so I use a telephone therapist. I have one scheduled for 6 pm.
I do not want to continue to live my life the way I have for over five years. I can't bear the idea of another 15 or 20 like this since I can never retire. I don't know what to do.
The hospital was surreal. They take away the caffeine and everything assumes a dreamlike quality. they hold therapy sessions where you can't think straight because your brain is so fuzzed. You see a doctor who talks to you for 3 minutes a day, changes your prescription and suddenly you can't sleep. like for 3 days.
Help.
You are beautiful the way that you are and there's only one you. DON'T GIVE UP!
that is sweet, but trite. you don't know me. i could be an axe murderer.
I'd like to share these phone numbers with you
US State-wise suicide hotlines
https://suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html
International suicide hotlines
https://suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
I know it can be frustrating waiting for medications to start working or trying to deal with life as the doctors struggle to find the right medication for you. But, you hang in there, never give up because YOU are worth the fight.
these won't work. they will immediately divert you to the NV hotline. NV has a law that if you call the hotline, you have to be hauled off to hospital. in a state where prostituteion and gambling are legal, how many people who have lost everything try to commit suicide?
a lot. i just made a call to express depression to one. i got hauled away. i missed five days of work, i lst my apartment,
Dianne,
I'm sorry you're in so much pain and that you feel so alone. I can relate. I've decided that I need to be my own best friend,and I need to start taking care of myself and treating myself and most of all, loving myself.
I hope that you can find some relief and know that there are people who care. I hope that you will know that you are precious, and you deserve to be happy.
Sending you warm(((hugs))).
i can't be my own best friend. i hate myself more than anyone. in 9 days i am homeless. every day i go out to 4 or 5 interviews. nothing. no day off, no evening off, no one to brea bread with, nothing.
i spoke to my therapist and told him howconfession has helped in the past. he asked why didn't i go and i told him it;s cause i don[t deserve to.
I can tell you one thing. Not doing it is a big f you to them. If they tell you that, just don't even acknowledge their existence if you want. Falling into their mind games isn't good. I can user stand they are your children and that can be hard, but my mom did it to my brother so it could help.
Completely dive yourself into something positive too , as dumb asthat is to say. It works
like finding a job? or having a meal out? or planting a garden or buying something>?
they are right the only problem is that I don['t have any way ti kill myself. i don't even own a razor and gas no longer genrates enough carbon monoxide to do yourself in.
Yes. I havefound work and some friends who are taking me in. I requested some physical help from my sons with no reply. I realized that that just brought on the same feelings, so I am breaking all contact, until I have gotten myself together.
Thank you all for your responses.
They are greatly appreciated.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your children had no right to say that to you. I can't even imagine how hurtful that must have been. I hope you find answers to everything that is going on in your life. We all go through times in our life where fighting seems to be useless and giving up seems to be the only way out. But its not true. I promise you that. Things get better. Sometimes its a sign that we have to move on from what's negative in our lives. Even if that means not talking to your children anymore and starting a beautiful new life full of positivity and kindness for yourself and others. You're not alone either. If you feel you need to talk to someone we're all here to listen.
that is a lovely thought. but in 9 days i lose my home and the little bit of furniture i have. in 4 weeks i haven't found a job. i lose my obamacare, i lose my therapist. how does one start a new life in a town that has over 15,0000 homeless living in it's drainage ditches/?
my brother screams at me. my children won't even answer the phone and delete any emails i send.
what kind of a new life can one start in a state with the highest unemployment, without a home, or money, or anyone who cares? obvioiusly, my meds arenn't working. but i have grown far too negative even for myself. and i don't know how to stop.
i can't call the national hotline. they divert you to the neveada hotline in nevada, they automatically send the plice who lock you up for five days. las vegas has 15000 homeless living under tunnels and in 9 days i lose my home, i can't find a job. i cant make my car payment. and i don't knnow what to do or where to go. there is no money and i don't know what to do.
First let me say..you may be down but not out! You are needed, you may not be told so often but that doesn't make it any less true. I am in a similar situation and the best advice I can give on finding income is to channel in on your talents, everyone has at least one thing they are proficient at. Use that to create a little cash flow. For me its not much of an income but it allows me to feel a little self worth. Also, I'm so sorry that they (the police) decend upon you in that way when you call the hotline & just wanna get some stuff off your chest. That's so unfair, I have had that done before & its more of a violation than it is helpful and I wish it was a high concern to be addressed. We wanna be acknowledged from time to time and I don't think its wrong at all, we DO NOT want locked away and medicated to where we lose what we have left of a life.
I was. I lost that job too. $4 for 400 word articles. and now my internet is down, this is a borrowed computer, i will lose in 9 days also.
but thank you all for listening. and i am so sorry for being so heavy. and so down.
but it's time to throw in the towel.
Life is incredible.
Unique.
Priceless.
Life means that there are always other options. Death is the last choice you will ever make. Some decisions are difficult. Incredibly difficult. But, some decisions are amazing - so great! Ultimately, choosing life is choosing to have faith in yourself, and that you will continue to make decisions and have options. You deserve to give yourself a chance. Death will always be there, but we can choose to keep it waiting as long as possible. Just wait, and I promise that things, somehow, sometime, will get better for you.
Just because it seems like the end doesn't mean it is. It's darkest right before sunrise. Please don't give up.
You've made the first positive step by looking for help here - well done! I know sometimes you feel like you just can't live any more, but I sense you really want to live and get better. I'm no good at giving advice, but when I once felt like you do, I went to the local buddhist centre - anyone can go in, you don't have to be buddhist and they don't try to convert you. I told them honestly 'I'm here because I don't want to be alone right now' - they were cool with that. Please, please, just find somewhere to go so you are not alone - the library, the supermarket, ask the local soup kitchen if you can wash dishes for them - anything. Please take care of yourself.
Hi DianneZa.
You mention about the relative that you post in her facebook. Do you think you can contact her and ask you for help? I know its hard since she was the one reported you, but that kind of report may mean she cares for your well-being. Try to contact her if its ok if she can help you.
Also to your other sister with a new grandchild. Dont worry about it, please contact her, she may help you in some way. Dont feel discourage in contacting everyone. You are in a tight situation.
