Back bone?
I’ve had a *** life so far, over time I’ve developed many amazing relationships, one of them with my incredible devoted wife who I love so much, this woman is my world! However my mother-in- law is “one of those” mother-in-laws. I have moved where I’m at, it’s been about three years and in just three years this woman has done some severe damage to me. This lady keeps saying I need to grow a back bone and fight back, great, wonderful, that is an incredible idea. Here’s the thing she is one of my bullies! Funny right, a knee slapper! So I’m not sure what to do, due to my *** life I have a lot to overcome come and I’ve ever had the chance to grow this back bone that this woman is talking about. Well it’s growing and I’m not sure what to do because eventually she’s going to say something out of line to my wife or myself or do something, and she might just get a taste of medicine that she’d been giving. Is this absolutely twisted or what? I’m not sure if I’m needing opinions or advice but feel free to drop in please. I know it’s a lot to read sorry!
@crimsonRaspberries1486
Have you had a conversation with your wife? Is this an issue you have clearly discussed with your wife...where do they stand regarding their mother? I feel too many let an in-law be that way because their spouse does not want to rock the boat or speak up to their own parent.
Want a different life be the change it .....what does growing a backbone mean to you?
Setting boundaries or even walking away from bullies is a choice.
@toughTiger6481
i can see where you are coming from. My wife and I have a wonderful relationship and we communicate very well and talk things out including the elephants in the room. We are on the same same side and it happens to my wife too. It sucks to watch but we stand up for each other, due to our financial situation and problems we live with my wife’s mom. A backbone as in stand up for yourself and fight back. I have always had a low self esteem, but I’m trying everyday.
@crimsonRaspberries1486
i wish self esteem was a commodity to give some seem to have bundles of it while others not so much. i do know that once i started to grow some self esteem it spreads like weeds
@toughTiger6481
im learning that to have a great self esteem takes lots of patience, courage, and bravery. It’s not easy when you had a abusive relationship ❤️🩹 your right though!
@crimsonRaspberries1486 you know some people are like slinkys.... Fun to push down the stairs😁 only joking, don't do that😂
Aww honey I'm sorry🙁 some people can't seem to catch a break🙁 bless you. You do have a back bone, by not stooping down to get level that means you are so much stronger than she will ever be. It's such a tough situation🙁 I'm not great at family advice sorry😕 but I guess the best you can do is vent here, let out all your anger and feelings so you can just be supportive to your wife, and look forward to the day you both finally get your own home 💖
Baby you're post means everything to me, I have hope and I pray every night to God that eventually we will be in the right financial situation so we can get away from the toxicity in the battlefield because that crap happens every single day to my wife and I and there have been moments when my wife and I are bickering for no reason all thanks to that crone. And I know in some ways that is very disrespectful but if you saw the way she treats her own daughter alone you would be thinking the same. It breaks my heart to the very core to see that kind of abuse happened and then for us to fight all thanks to her sometimes we even go to bed without saying I love you just a cold shoulder and then we wake up angry in the morning and the cycle repeats itself. But we're not backing down anytime soon because this is exactly what she wants and I love her too much to leave her damn it! So thank you darling, she makes me feel so weak in so many different ways just like My adoptive family would do actually so this really means a lot to me I never seen it that way but perspective is everything ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I hope your having a good day honey!
@crimsonRaspberries1486 😥 I'm sorry your in that situation, it must be incredibly scary for you both🙁 I can only imagine what it's doing for your relationship and mental health🙁 just hold on to the hope of 'oneday ' because that 'oneday ' everything is gonna start being amazing for you both 💖 wraps you in a warm blanket and cuddles you up 💖 everything is gonna be ok in the end💖
Starts to softly cry while shaking
It's incredibly scary too in many ways for both of us. That's the love of my life i see getting abused every day and night.
@crimsonRaspberries1486 😥 it's heartbreaking to even read, I can't imagine how hard this is for you😥 you are amazing you really are, most people would have run away a long time ago. She's very lucky to have you 💖 this is definitely a true love you have together, I hope your future together just gets better and better 💖 one day you will both be free💖
It's like I keep telling her, we get the money, we get out passport, we move out. I can go on and on about the horror stories that I have which are memories of course. I hope you never feel the agony of watching the person you live with all your being being shredded by words and then being loved by the same person, what that does to you🥺🫢
Before I moved in with my adoring wife we were a long distance relationship. I don't know if you remember the post I had shared about how I used to work at a nursing home? Well when I had the chance I would always be on call with her and she'd tell me about the abuse and I just couldn't believe it. Because she is one of the most inspiring, impactful, loving people you could meet! And this is the treatment she gets that we get starts to cry even more theres only so much she can handle, she knows I'm always there for her like the way she is for me, but it's hard when the abuse happens every day that kind of exhaustion is unhealthy. I'm sorry babe I don't mean to lay this out for you😰
@crimsonRaspberries1486 don't be sorry, it's good to let it all out, get it of your chest💖 of course I remember your post about working in a care home💖 you really are such a amazing girl 💖 wipes away your tears and hugs you tightly 💖I've never been in love, so I can't imagine how much this hurts you😥 you don't have to hold back around me I won't always know what to say, but I will always listen and try to comfort you 💗 hugs you tightly 💖
Love is such a strange thing but when you know you love someone you just know. But her mother is nothing but a monster I'll tell you that, one of the time we came home from where her mother and I are right now, I ended up crying in my wife's arms for hours and in completely hysterics I was talking her everything her mother was doing to me and I felt her heart sink and break. I have these horrid periods I have a mix of PMS and PMDD and that makes it severe for me the amount of pain has made me almost faint and I have a very high pain tolerance so that says something. Her mother forces midol down my throat every day for three years. More than one thousand days, my wife is not only a forensic scientist but a mortician, she taught me everything I know about forensic science. And she explained to me thoroughly what that does to your body, in summary of you take the midol everyday years straight that can make your body shut down. *** this woman even tried to go behind my back and tell my wife she is taking me to obyg and I'm a survivor of sexual abuse and she knows this 😰 and my wife basically said I'll be damned *** no you will not do that to her. She doesn't even believe that she's slowly trying to kill me.😖
@crimsonRaspberries1486 omg! That's terrible😥 does she still make you take that stuff?? She a very very very bad person🙁 it's like you went from one captivity to the next😥 I wish I could do something to help you, but the best I can do is offer you a virtual hug, gives you a giant tiny hug 💗 I really hope you will be free from this terror very soon. You've already come so far don't let this woman be your down fall. Does your wife ever argue back to her?
Oh my wife lost her *** and she's always defending me as I do for her. There are a lot of times she loses her crap over what happens to me or what's said. She can easily force midol down my, however good luck trying to kill me it's not easy ( my dear many many people from the cult have tried and still try to kill me) youd think they would have luck but they don't. Fun fact I used to like my wife's mother I thought of her as a friend until I started to connect the dots and the fact that she's been trying to kill. Plus the way she treats my wife!
@crimsonRaspberries1486
you are not alone is in being fooled by an abuser.
Abusers often can seem Ok fun and charming ..... it is part of the package when or if people tell others what they are REALLY like ... people doubt that as they seem so nice... It makes a person feel trapped as no one believe who this person is and sometimes people do not believe until they see "the monster behind the nice lady persona.
You've definitely got that right. When I got with my wife I thought for sure things were going to be okay and I was mistaken but when all you know is basically different levels and kinds of abuse it kind of blinds you go a degree❤️🩹
Gives you the biggest tearful hug
@crimsonRaspberries1486 you are definitely unkillable, it sometimes feels like we should have died a thousand times by now. I'm under a protection programme to protect me from the bad people in the cult, so I understand how frightening that can be😥 bless you. But we are still here because God has a plan for us 💖 we just gotta trust he knows what he's doing💖 I don't know what religion you are if any, but I have been keeping you in my prayers. You and your wife deserve so much better than everything bad that happened to you and still is happening. But keep venting here, you are safe here and cared about very much 💖 and hopefully talking Will help relieve you of some of the pent up emotions💖 hugggs
My darling you are just simply the best in every way, through all the darkness of that nasty cold I did find God and I am a Catholic. Although Christianity is constantly being shoved right at me I'm still Catholic that's something they just cannot change about me at least I am with God. And if God didn't think I could handle this amount of pressure these challenges these loops and circumstances he wouldn't be putting me in these positions. I know he's teaching me lessons teaching me new things and telling me what I have to watch out for what I have to do right so I can be safe. I tend to forget that God put me down here for a damn good reason and I'm figuring out my mission as I go on in this lifetime and if you didn't put me down here I wouldn't have the amazing friends that I have, my wife or any of you I am blessed to have my best friends in my life you guys and my wife and I am honored to have all the relationships that I do. But honey I'm so happy that you have protection I do too just not the same kind. My darling thsnk you for keeping me in your prayers you are in mine dear. Slowly it's helping and your my angel ðª½
@crimsonRaspberries1486 I'm glad through everything you have still found God💖 I know that's not always easy. We may never know the reason we are here until the day we meet the big guy in the sky, but having faith in him is sometimes all we need to get through the day 💖 and when you need that extra little help my arms are always open to comfort you💖 you can always lean on me 💖 and you have your wife and friends too 💖 we are all here for you 💖
Honey you no idea how much I appreciate you, I will always have faith in the big man up stairs I know he has my back and won't let anything bad happen to mess long as he's in my heart and soul. It means so much to me that I've found you, you are such a sweetheart, gives you a big long hug❤️
I will always be here for you in anyway I can, you can come to me about anything I'll be in your corner as long as you let me. You mean a great deal I hope you know that and not just to me but a lot of people. Always know I'm right here I might not answer right away but I will get to you darling.
@crimsonRaspberries1486 💖thankyou💖 takes your long huggg and gives you a giant tiny hug back 💖 I'm so honoured that I get to call you my friend 💖💖
Puts a crown on your head hand made with all sorts of gems and diamonds you are a true best friend and a incredible person I'm very lucky to know you and to have met you, I don't want to lose this friendship and who knows when I come back home to the UK, we might see each other. God only knows that one!
@crimsonRaspberries1486 yaaay! I get a crown💖😁💖 and don't worry you won't loose out relationship, like a octopus on your face.. Your stuck with me😁💖
Well good because your stuck with me too so ha ❤️❤️
@crimsonRaspberries1486 yaaay😁😁💖💖💖 it's time for another serious question you must answer honestly....
If you were alone in a deep wood late at night, when you stumble upon a black suitcase full of money, but attached to the suitcase is a blood stained note that says 'DON'T ' what would you do???
@crimsonRaspberries1486Your situation sounds really tough. Growing a backbone doesn’t mean fighting back harshly—it means setting clear boundaries to protect yourself. Talk with your wife about how you feel and what support you need. You can stand up for yourself in a calm, respectful way that keeps your peace. If you want, I can help with ideas on setting boundaries or handling tough talks.