Any tips on how to unlearn conditional love?

Growing up in a home where love is conditional is having lasting effects on me as I navigate through life and relationships. I make myself over available to others disposal with the sole purpose of making their life easier, at the expense of myself. It’s not that I don’t enjoy being there for others but that it’s rarely reciprocated. I feel like a chameleon changing to fit every other person in front of me. Becoming exactly what they need, helpful, caring, kind, loving, angry etc. I feel like I have erased myself entirely to become everyone else’s person.

My parents taught me to always do what they told and that I have a responsibility to follow their rules. To always give everything without the expectation of ever receiving anything back and that’s what love is. I can understand that this thinking of conditional love is flawed, but I can’t seem to break my habits. I don’t know how to receive. I can’t except it when someone does anything nice for me because I feel like I didn’t do anything to deserve their kindness. Even though I go out of my way to do nice things for other the idea of anyone doing anything nice for me is beyond something I can grasp.

I have never been in a relationship because i am so deeply insecure that i am not enough. I have never made it though a single talking stage and i just don’t know how to do. I am not saying this for pity or the need for someone to validate how i feel. I genuinely want to learn how to stop doing this. I want nothing more than to be young and in love. To love someone wholeheartedly because of the person they are and not because I need to feel accepted. I want to know myself and be okay with being loved without feeling like I need to earn being loved.

Anyone have any advice? 😭