Feeling like I’m not a good person
Me and my girl friend had an argument recently and I messed up and I get very upset and anxious and my emotions are to much handle, so in the moment I start trying to justify what I did even though deep down I know what I’m doing is wrong and she said I try and make excuses and sound like I’m not a bad person, and I have seen this in myself, what does this mean and why am I like this am I bad person?
@itiskaleee
People do things for various reasons. IF we feel it is wrong or bad and we continue it there is something we are getting out of the item. Too many people IMO label things as "good" or "bad" etc.
In seeing the big picture life falls in gray areas not clear cut good/ bad etc. I find when a person makes all sorts of excuses or rationalizations it now is not about what ever the "Bad" item was but the ability to stand up and openly talk about it.
Maybe if you knew it was not something you should do you could examine why to yourself. because promising to not do things without really seeing what you feel you are getting out of it is an empty promise.
Sometimes if you can say "I'm feeling upset and anxious at the moment" to your girlfriend, she will actually understand that and soften her arguments.
Everyone understands you aren't a bad person for feeling upset and anxious about getting into an argument, but when we hide our core feelings and instead try to cover them and argue back that's when the argument gets bad.
But also it's not ok to call somebody a 'bad person', we are all trying our best - if you feel like you still want to try your best and you are trying to communicate more honestly and want to try and own your mistakes, you are definitely not a bad person.
I hope you can be brave enough to just say you are feeling anxious and she is kind and understands you might need time before you can talk about things more calmly.
All the best.
