New here but wanting to change the way I think
It’s definitely hard to shift your mindset from always thinking negative to a positive attitude. I mean i do think good things but something always comes up ever day that my mind shifts to… I’m not good enough, everyone hates me, people are out to get me, why can’t people just be happy with me, people are always angry at me, I’m not pretty enough so that’s why I don’t have friends, I can’t express myself well so people do have the patience to listen but get mad. It’s a cycle I deal with every single day and there are just more to add. It sucks always trying to be the people please and those people expect me to take the punches but I already deal with low self-esteem. I don’t even like my own self. 🤦🏻♀️
@808islandchick
Step one is to spend time with yourself and like yourself. It is something people see in you. I did not buy that either until I did the work in seeing and accepting myself as is flaws and all and embraced it. I have had a different response from others since that.
it is hard to do sometimes to change your mindset as I read your post the negative flows quickly after one thought. Read your statements it is impossible from everyone to hate or dislike you. what is good enough? What measure of that is there? I have never known looks as an obstacle to friends unless you seek shallow friends who are often bad friends.
People pleasing is like trying to juggle with one hand not very successful. You will not please everyone and that is OK. everyone makes mistakes, everyone has failures, so why do we try to hold ourselves to an impossible standard.
Expressing yourself improves with practice like any skill. Confidence builds as we try, we do things we were once uncomfortable doing etc......... and is key to solve most of what you wrote.
@808islandchick
Hey stranger I just wanted to say. Breathe. It’s okay. STOP THINKING ITS BAD TO THINK BAD. It’s not. There is negative and positive for a reason. Life isn’t always sunny and that’s a fact. Now the best way to deal with those negative thoughts. Try putting them into positive achievements. For instance “I” use the anger and frustration in the gym to build up my body and self esteem. You will obviously have other things that you can channel that energy.
As far as this I’m not pretty enough thing. Remember. Many people see you completely different than you do. I used to hate my ears for some reason lol. Until someone came along and said she loved my ears. Crazy right? It’s all about perspective.
Friends? Mmm… they become as useless as most family members do lol. So in saying that. Make the time for the few that don’t judge you or let you be you. Get rid of the ones who create a negative energy. Impressing people is like a dog chasing his tail. It’s never ending and you just tire yourself out. Follow your heart.
Do what truly makes you want to breathe and live. The rest usually follows. Be open to new things and even though the negative is always going to be there. Tell yourself everyday that it’s not going to be enough to drag you down. Why would it right? You’re much stronger than that I bet.
the reason why I guess is because everyone now days have such high expectations. Most of these flaws are from my mother who is very judgmental and I always tried to shift her mind set to “but that’s just how people are you can’t change them” so the hard criticism got into my head. Then when I have surround myself with people they were always trying to impress or were also judgmental as well. I guess I can’t really get away from people period. I just need to accept that people in this world now days are very negative. Especially during the holidays. Always saying something rude.
It is a difficult shift. I know it will take time. It’s all about how much I really want it and to really love myself.
@808islandchick
My mom says the same thing. I still think with time and kindness we can influence others to change. Otherwise that’s a give up mentality to me. It’s easier to say that then try and be the one to help change things.
You’re right it is hard to not care about others thoughts. I’ve spending large amounts of time alone really creates a space to fall in love with ourselves.
@808islandchick
Welcome to 7 Cups :) I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this. What you’ve described sounds utterly exhausting, and it makes complete sense that you’d feel worn down by it. When your mind keeps looping through those thoughts day after day, it’s not a sign that they’re true, it’s a sign that you’ve been carrying far too much on your own.
Shifting from negative thinking isn’t a simple switch you can flick. When your inner voice has learned to protect you by criticising you first, it can feel relentless. The fact that you do have good thoughts at times already shows that this isn’t who you are, it’s a pattern your mind has fallen into, especially when your self-esteem has taken a hit.
It sounds to me like you’re trying to keep everyone else happy, absorbing their moods and frustrations, while quietly telling yourself you deserve the blame. Anyone in that position would start to dislike themselves – not because they’re unworthy, but because they’re never allowed any kindness, even from themselves.
I’m in the same boat. I don’t love myself. In fact I hate myself. I do not like being me. Never have. Probably never will at this point. It’s been a long time of feeling this way.
Every time I think to myself “I need to try and do something about this” I don’t know where to start, so I do t do anything.