Idk (TW)

@persistentBalloon9086 ty for sharing and being honest about your thoughts and feelings. Sorry noone has seen this or reached out to you sooner. Personally, I think you are feeling worse because your mind is learning how to process these feelings which are completely raw for the first time in years.

@persistentBalloon9086

I can understand why you might feel that way, especially after doing SH for three years. When something has been a way of coping for that long, it can feel strange when you stop using it, and I can definitely understand why you’re noticing your mental health getting worse around the same time. And honestly, I’m really proud of you for being 2 months clean. That is a huge accomplishment, especially when things are feeling harder right now.

I also wonder if part of what’s happening is that SH may have been giving you a temporary escape from the things you were already struggling with. That relief can be very real, but it doesn’t necessarily mean SH was actually making your mental health better. You may have been hurting a lot while you were self-harming too, and SH was giving you a way to temporarily numb, release, or escape some of that pain. Now that coping mechanism isn’t there, those feelings may be much harder to ignore.

That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong or that you should go back to SH. It might mean that you’re at a point where you need to find other ways to cope with those feelings and figure out what is underneath them. Things like journaling, drawing, music, talking to someone you trust, exercising, taking a shower, distracting yourself, grounding exercises, or anything else that gives you a safe outlet can help while you work through it.

I’d really encourage you to keep going with your 2-month streak, even if it feels difficult right now. You don’t have to figure everything out at once. And if you’re feeling like you might hurt yourself again, please reach out to a trusted adult or another safe person rather than trying to handle that moment completely alone. You deserve support while you’re learning how to cope without hurting yourself. 💛

I feel like in a way it's like crutches - we need it when we're at our worst just to survive, but they'll only hold us back if we keep engaging with it rather than move to something like strength training to propell us forward. So, I agree about the mixed feelings - right now, I need it, but I also hate it, and I know it won't lead me where I want to go, but it will get me through the moment. I hope you continue to fight the urge and keep pushing for that progress - sh will only hold us back. Keep moving forward ❤️