First time you ever experimented with self-harm?
it wasnt really self harm, but i got rubber bands and flicked them on my wrist until it burned and im not proud of tht and would just.. erase it if i could
@starsailing - Why do you feel so ashamed? What made you need to do this?
I would use my craft blade used for cutting clay and stuff in my wrist, palm and thigh but I'm recovering now so it's all good
i nearly hurt myself with a blade but i am not brave enough to do that.
but i'm really scared if i will do it again.
i feel too bad about living sometime
@ryanhk18795 - What makes your mind go in this direction?
I started around 6 months ago. It started with using a bent paper clip to scratch my skin until it bled (I'm too scared to just cut, that much blood makes me sick) I told myself that I would just do it once then be over with it. That promise changed to 'okay, I'll just have three scars, and when I feel like it I'll just go over those three to minimize damage', but then that lead to where I am now. 127 scars on my leg. I moved from the paper clip, to the little sharp thing at the end of tape dispensers, but then I lost that so I snapped a used gift card in half and used those, but then eventually decided to use a thumbtack because those were sharper. Note: I am not intending to give people advice on how to self harm, I'm just here to say if you're thinking of starting, DON'T. I tried stopping but I relapsed and ended up worse than I ever was before so now I scratch myself until it bleeds, hit myself against walls and things until I bruise, punch myself, and pull out my own hair.
I vividly remember the first time I ever self-harmed.
i was in 4th grade, just 9 years old, when I first hurt myself. I was terribly bullied by this mean new girl who had just moved in to my town. I will not describe what she did to me, because it is just too horrible to describe on this site (there is too much love and compassion here and I don't want to break the good vibes by sharing my story of how I was bullied). It was just terrible, the thing she did to me....
Anyway, I remember slamming my head against the desk soon after that girl had bullied me. I repeatedly banged my head until I couldn't do it anymore, and then I just sat there, crying a puddle of tears onto my desk. I think I had a giant lump on my forehead from the head-banging.
That was the first time I ever self harmed. But it was not the last.
The next time I self harmed, that I can recall, is when I was in 8th grade. I self harmed by scratching with my fingernails (face, stomach, thighs, forearms), choking myself, head-banging, hitting/punching myself, and biting myself. I did not try cutting at that time. I self harmed in front of others (family members), as well as in my bedroom, while I was at my house.
Then, I stopped self harming, for a few years. I stopped before I entered 9th grade (high school).
I turned back to self harm in 11th grade. I started off by clawing at my forearms. I harmed myself in private this time, usually in the Girl's bathroom at school. Then, during the summer after 11th grade, it escalated all the way up to actually cutting myself with a blade. I gave myself a nick here and a scratch there, with my shaving razor, during the middle of the summer. But, I cut myself a lot deeper and over a larger area, once school started.
Now, I am still in 12th grade. I still cut myself. It gets worse every time I do it. I cut deeper and for longer amount of time. I cut on my thighs, hips, and shoulder most of the time. I have cut on my upper arm and wrist a couple of times, but I try to avoid doing it there. I try to cut where people won't see my scars.
I wish to stop self harming, but I can't. I think I might be addicted to cutting, the way it makes me feel, the temporary relief it gives me.
I hope that, one day, I may be recovered from this addictive thing known as self harm.
Well, that's my story. It's really long, but if you read it to the end, thank you. :)
@TalkativeIntrovert123 - I hear that you are falling deeper and deeper into this thing. And I wonder how you must have felt, hurting yourself in front of your family with no one doing anything. I agree with you that it sounds like addiction, needing more and more to get the same relief, release. But there are people who can help you with addiction, even this addiction. Don't you want to please find someone? How would you feel about that?
@Chiaroscuro1 - first of all, thank you for tagging me! :)
Yes, I hate to admit that I AM falling deeper and deeper into self harm.
And, I felt terrible that I would self harm in front of my family and they didn't do anything to help me or at least to stop me from doing that to myself. Thinking back on it, it just breaks my heart that I would even do something like that in front of them. And, now that I think of it, if my family would have tried to help me with / stop me from self harming, I would never have started cutting with blades. It just tears me apart to know that they could've helped me, or that I could've helped myself, and that the self harm would not have escalated to where it is now.
Yes, I know that there are people out there who could help me recover from this addiction.
And yes, I would very much like to seek help from someone who could help me with this addiction.
(And now I'm going to get all religious on you... Yay)
My church has an addiction recovery program. And if someone is struggling with an addiction, they are strongly encouraged to confess it, and one of the leaders will help them get into the program so that they can recover.
But the thing is, the religion that I belong to does not address self harm, like at all. Self harm is not talked about at all. It has not been addressed as a "sin" in my church, if it is even a true "sin". It does not address it as an addiction, either (addiction = sin).
I have heard through (the grapevine of the internet) that the leaders of my church are starting to see self harm as a real problem, that they are looking in to it. But I doubt that they'll address it (as in tell people that it's out there, and what to do if they are self harming), because it would spread awareness of self harm, and that could start a contagion of self harm in the church. I really doubt that it would spread if the people of my same religion knew about it. I think it would HELP more than HURT, because then the people who already DO self harm would then know what to do in regards to confessing it or whatever.
I really would like to be in the addiction recovery program that my religion provides, BUT I can only "get in" if I have an actual legitimate addiction. And, because my church does not address self harm as an actual addiction, I will most likely be denied the opportunity to get into the recovery program.
I know of no other ways to get help with addiction other than the addiction recovery program that my religion provides.
So, yes, I would like to find someone to help me, and I would be glad to get the help that I need to recover.
@TalkativeIntrovert123 - It is a pity that you can't get into your church's program. But maybe you can raise their awareness that self harm is an addiction too by writing an anonymous letter to the pastor or leadership or whoever should know about it? Maybe they don't understand yet and you can help them understand? What do you think about that?
Have you tried the listeners here on 7 Cups yet? I believe some of them specifically deal with self harm. I think you can see it on their profile. You can keep it in mind.
@Chiaroscuro1 - I think that writing a letter to my church leadership is a great idea! I think raising awareness about self harm is a great idea, and perhaps writhing the letter could raise awareness.
Thank you for suggesting it. :)
I have an idea, I could write to them and explain a little about self harm in general, the reason why I do it, and how the "happy" neurotransmitters in my brain make me addicted to it. (Written here for my future reference)
And yes, I have talked to other listeners on 7cups (many of them help with self harm). 
They have helped me a lot. 
@MidniteAngel @NewRomantic667
^
@Inspirecoverylilyy @YayyySphere
@TalkativeIntrovert123
We are more than happy to help! No matter how different, how messed up or broken you are, there will always be someone there who will love you, help you and cherish you. You matter. Each of us are one and only's. Whatever you've been, whatever you are and whatever you will be. In so many insignificant and momentous ways. Truly the world would not be what it is without you, nor will the future. It's not selfish to put yourself first, it's necessary.Your skin isn't paper don't cut it. Your face isn't a mask don't hide it. Your size isn't a book don't judge it. Your life isn't a film don't end it. You are beautiful, and you're just going to have to deal with that truth.
2010. I took a knife and tried to injure myself. I didn't have enough courage. I threw it away.
@Medley
There is nothing braver than putting down the knife - that takes immeasurable courage.
I was 9 years old. I don't know why I did it. I have pondered that so many times. One day, I was sitting on the floor in one of the rooms at my father's house. I had picked up a pair of art scissors (REALLY sharp scissors), and scraped my arms. I had the urge to write words, too. I eventually stopped that, but began using a blade in 6th grade.
I was about 5 years old, it was before I went to kindergarten. My brother (who was two) and I got in a fight and I pushed him. I don't know why, but my cousin kept his bike in the room we were in. My brother fell head first into the pedal and got a very deep cut on his forehead, you could see the bone beneath. When my parents found out I got locked in my room, I stayed there hating myself for what I did to my brother. So without even fully understanding the concept of what I was doing I grabbed a belt looped it around my neck and tied it off to the top bunk bed in the room and proceeded to hang myself. It hurt so much though and before I knew it I came down after untying myself and never told my parents what happened.
@AmethystHeart95 - It must've taken a lot of courage to share this with us. Thank you. I am glad that you were able to untie yourself. One of those moments one doesn't forget. How do you feel about it now?
I started when I was about 13. It wasn't that bad to start with, I only used broken glass which wasn't that sharp. It got worse as I got older. I hope that I'll be able to stop in the future but to be honest I don't think I'll be able to. It's been a part of my life for 5 years now and I've never thought about stopping in that time. I used to do it everyday but I don't do it as much anymore which is a start I guess.
@kittycat55
Check out my reply to Andrea50. (I didn't realize when I wrote it that she wrote hers in June). Apply what I said to her to yourself, except the age part. I succeeded in not doing it for 20 years, and had a few minor relapses recently and two years ago. Kicking it is possible. I have no intention of continuing mine. The question is, do you want to win this victory? I don't think you want to do it, or you wouldn't be on a self-help type site talking about it. There is help here for the taking. I will fight it with you.
when I was 7.
That's really sad. I hope you're better now. And you have awesome music taste btw ^.^
@kittycat55 Thank you so much.You can PM anytime :)
