Hey this is me.... (possible trigger warning)

Abusers share a common language

This hurts me more then it hurts you

I did it for your own good

Let me hurt you to keep you from getting hurt

Does it make sense? No

It's just what they tell themselves to justify their asshole behavior

I'm angry - I really am - it's depressing

This whole thing is shit - the choices shit

Why even bother?

It's a means to an end right?

Stupid little shit - thanks for that btw - it's awesome having that run through my fucking head all day

Please don't - ok - thank you but no

I'm just venting. - sorry

Anchored in anger we exile ourselves

Somewhere along the way the mission of this place got aborted or lost. When I typed in 7cups mission into my wonderful Google friend - it gave me this

Our Mission:

7 Cups of Tea is for anyone who wants to live in a world where the human experience is free from stigma and stereotypes and rich with love and support. A world where all 7 billion of us can grow and feel like we truly belong. We believe that each one of us is inherently valuable.

7 Cups › wiki › 7-cups-mission-state...

7 Cups Mission Statement! | 7 Cups Wiki

In light of recent events - we do not feel free from stigma or stereotypes or that we truly belong or even valuable. It feels alittle like we're all here on borrowed time doesn't it?

We called them the Old Guard. It was never meant in any bad way. A sign of respect. The Guardians of the Watchtowers of Castle Cups. The older members. Some of which have been here almost from it's conception. Many have left and many more continue to leave. It's normal to grow as people. To evolve into better versions of human beings. So it's only natural that people should move on and beyond this place. But, what of the people who leave because they feel unheard or unsupported. Unwanted. It's disappointing to know that there are people who came here wanting acceptance and support and after trying so hard for so long, ended up having to leave because staying was doing more harm to them then good. It's disappointing, that people ask questions and get no answers. It's disappointing to see people voice their concerns, only to have them ignored. It's disappointing the amount of focus that is put on the quality of chatrooms when the trolls and bullies can't be kept out and that they return again and again, which ironically enough, affects the quality of the whole site. It's disappointing that as a member or even a listener, that we need to be so careful of any criticism for fear of any repercussions. I would think the unfavorable one's would be the one's to focus on to grow as a community. Which, in my opinion is slowly losing it's community feel. To worry all the time about saying the wrong thing because of getting points towards you. To worry about being yourself. To worry about speaking your opinions. To worry about attracting the wrong kind of attention. There just seems to be something wrong with all that, but these are just my thoughts and opinions and as this is a personal space I should be allowed to share them here. I've seen worse shared in personal spaces.

I've wanted to write - but couldn't make the words work. To say them out loud makes them true. The truth hurts. It hurts to think about. Sick to my stomach all the time. Crushing depression - panic inducing anxiety. Had pretty many panic attacks the past few days. I think I have it held together only to fall apart again. The words replay and then the damn d word - you have to be afraid to say anything. I should've did something sooner. Did - done? Need to sleep - what needs to be done invades - everything and Idk if I can. There's no choice - so unfair

I'm sorry there's nothing I can do. These words came over the phone. Most things here are curbside yet. No amount of begging or pleading or threats changed their minds. She has cancer - the cough is because it's in her throat now. Metastatic cancer. They can't even give a time line - other then no more then a month - mostly likely a week or two. She's still eating and drinking and the past couple of days has been like a party for both dogs. They've had steak and bacon and hot dogs made at the fire pit. We've laid in the grass in the sun. We've studied her paws - amazed at the size of them. The pattern on her nose - did you know they're like fingerprints? We've watched her sleep - watched her dream and watching to make sure she isn't struggling to breath. We've brushed her - told her how much she's loved and how beautiful she is. and cried - crying now. Get it under control and a thought comes through and it starts all over again and i think - I can't do this. I have no choice but - let me keep it together

@admaiorasemper @redmark @NoneTheWiser @ThePizza @hillsideblues

Thank you - each and everyone of you for your kind words - for the safe hugs and sitting with me - I do really appreciate it. Especially since I know you're all dealing with your own things. I feel bad not being able to return the favor right now. It helps in someways to know that you're all here - that I can come here and share - I wish I was able to share better news than what I did. I'd be lying if I said I was ok - I'm trying to be but it's just not working. It's only a matter of days - until I have to say goodbye. Im trying to find comfort in knowing that she knows she is so loved - that she's a good girl. It's hard -

Thank you again - for putting up with me lol - I really appreciate you all

Hmmm... Dictatorship comes to mind doesn't it? Maybe utopian is better. I hate to say it but as I slowly watch people here disappear, the lights in the watchtower flicker and fade, I realize that our time here is probably growing shorter. There is almost a cult type feel at times. Either be one of them or you'll be evicted. The rules they want to implement, I really don't see that they'll work. Simply because for the most part people are supportive of others on threads already. There are the occasional times when a language barrier might come into play and of course the trolls. Which in all honesty, I seriously doubt that they're going to be worried about points.

I understand that they're trying to make this a more user friendly place but turning it into a dictatorship isn't the way to go. They have taken away the one thing we were able to control ourselves, the feed. In its place, we have received rules and regulations and discrimination. We're being told what to say and how to say it. Positive feedback is wonderful, but doesn't anyone want to know what's wrong? Problems don't go away just because you ignore them or hide it beneath a pile of badges. They discriminate against one group and in the spirit of inclusivity, add everyone with dissociation issues. They never apologize but say there's transparency. Now with this latest one, how to reply. It says to offer solutions. Aren't solutions the same as offering advice? I thought that was a no no? They can't deal with one troll but they can scan hundreds of posts that are unsupportive or not positive? I thought that's what flagging was for? To make matters worse, you're not even allowed to disagree. Well, perhaps you can as long as it's in proper format. Do they realize what this will do to people with anxiety? What about the people with OCD or the people who struggle with perfectionism? Now it has to be even more perfect. When people get a bad reply they see the person who made the reply, not this place. It should have no impact at all on the community. It used to feel friendlier here. Now, there's so much you have to worry about just by posting something. Seems counterproductive to me. Of course these are just my thoughts and in no way a reflection of the sterling reputation of any one set place. I'm sure this will get deleted and points will be assigned, simply for voicing my own opinion, in what is supposedly a safe space.

L