Let's celebrate Mothers Day
Its been a while since I was out and about the chatrooms and talking to the listeners and members on 1-1 chats. You might have noticed my absence in the forums and feed as well. The reason is I was managing a life changing event.
About 2 months ago, I was blessed with a cute little baby boy. The delivery came with challenges and the baby arrived a month early. My family was not scheduled to arrived until 10 days later. We didn't have a bassinet or a stroller. I didn't even have my hospital bag packed! I wasn't prepared to become a mother. It was a very challenging time, both physically and emotionally.
Thankfully, friends and extended family stepped in and helped us a lot. I am very thankful to the 7 Cups team, who adjusted to my absence immediately. Being a small team, it is not easy to fill in resource gaps so quickly. But every single person in the team took over my responsibilities seamlessly.
I am thankful to the community, to the people who I was regularly in touch with, for understanding that I was absent for a good reason and being accommodative of my delayed responses.
I got back to work a couple of weeks ago. Being a new mother, I am now a part of the parenting support and perinatal experiences group as well. I want to encourage all parents, especially mothers, to talk. To discuss their feelings, challenges, experiences with parenting, with going back to work, with breastfeeding and dealing with lack of sleep. Before I became a mother, everyone told me that delivering a baby is hard. No one ever told me that bringing that baby up to speed with sleeping and feeding is even harder.
I invite a dialogue here, from all the mothers. We need to talk and share our problems so that we can learn from each other's experiences. With the amount of expectations that we shoulder, it is hard not to have breakdowns or bouts of depression.
With this forum post, I open the door to you all to speak up. Mother's day is around the corner and lets celebrate it by letting the world know that having a baby is not easy, its not a bed of roses, it's challenging, we are working hard, we do not deserve any judgments or stigma, we are all doing the best for our babies in our own context. Perinatal depression is real, breastfeeding challenges and agony is real and needs to be talked about. The key is to share and speak up!
Hi, @Twish, Congratulations on becoming a mom. 
With the baby comimg a month early, it must have felt awfully rushed, and unprepared! A baby's premature arrival can be awfully stressful!
It's interesting how a baby's arrival doesn't always go as planned!!
I remember wanting for years to have a baby, and I was over-the-moon thrilled when I got pregnant. I was sure I'd be a champ at pregnancy and revel in it!
Mmmm, not so much . . . It was hard. At 7 months I ended up at the ER. What we'd thought were Braxton Hicks contractions (for months!) were actually real labor contractions -- for months! I'd been exhausted, in serious pain, dehydrated, and stressed for months -- but had not said much because I wanted to be strong and uncomplaining, and didn't understand what was normal.
There were neurological symptoms so bad the ER doctors thought I was stroking out! Speech problems, hand numbness, vision loss. (Turns out it was severe migraines, which I'd never had.)
Foolish me, I hadn't complained loudly enough or adamantly enough in regular appointments with the OB nurses and doctors. I didn't want to be a whiny wimp. And when I did mention pains and terrible fatigue, the nurses just smiled and said, Well, yeah, pregnancy's like that.
The delivery? Oy! Scary! After 10 days past due, they induced labor with pitocin. The baby's heart rate plummeted and stayed down, and we couldn't get anyone to answer the call button when we pressed it to get a nurse. Then the huge university hospital was experiencing a dearth of anesthetists that day, and we waited an agonizingly long time for an emergency C-section.
By the time anesthesia was done, the baby's heart rate had come back up, C-section canceled. But after hours of labor, the baby's head got stuck. Things stalled awfully and they had to do both vacuum suction and a massive episiotomy to get him out. In addition, TWO nurses shoved as hard as they could on my belly to push my baby out from the top! I couldn't breathe.
The doctor spent almost two hours stitching me up. I lost so much blood I had to stay in the hospital for extra days. I was listless and de-energized, but no one seemed to notice. Tried to be cheerful . . . but I could barely lift my hands to hold my baby.
I adored the idea of nursing my baby . . . but -- surprise -- it was really painful at first! It wasn't easy! No one had really talked about how difficult it can be . . . .
And the lack of sleep as a new mom -- Woooooooahhh.
I was isolated and exhausted. I was 39 and all my school buddies had finished having babies long ago. At that point, most of my buddies were 60-hour-per-week lawyers at my office, far too busy to gab with me as I sat alone at home with a tiny baby who needed me for everything.
To this day, whenever I meet a new mom or about-to-be mom, I'm all ears. I am THERE for her with total attention, comfort, fierce desire to let her know she's okay, she's wonderful, it can be hard, and it's okay if things aren't all flowery sweet about babystuff 24/7. I want to hear everything! Every detail, as long as she needs. Every detail matters, every feeling matters.
Twish mentioned that some people might be judgmental. Yes. There was one girlfriend -- when I had called her at 5 months pregnant to ask about the pains? she berated me for still working full-time and told me that I should have made the baby my full-time priority, and she had nooo sympathy. (sigh) I realized later it was a sore subject for her -- 15 years earlier, she had hoped to keep her professional career and raise babies, but she'd been so incapacitated by depression during her first pregnancy that, within a few months of delivery, she was in a psychiatric hospital for a month. But she had never talked about it . . . .
Twish, you're so right -- the key is to SHARE and SPEAK UP -- early and often.
It's perfectly normal to struggle!
To be horribly tired, to cry and feel inadequate . . . .
It's good to speak up more and reach out more . . .
But, jeez, everybody expected me to be a "Conestoga Woman" -- the type of strong, fearless American female who hauls a covered wagon across the prairies, fends off marauders, shoots rattlesnakes, delivers her baby on the trail, cooks dinner over a fire every night, battles locusts without batting an eyelash, buries her husband in the mountains and then hitches the horses to the wagon and keeps on going!
I expected this of myself, too. And I expected the tv-commercial radiance of the idealized, glowing, model-beautiful, madonna-mom with her idealized, glowing, beautiful babe. Me? Swollen face, swollen eyes, grey pallor, shlepping around with greasy hair. My baby? The conehead of all coneheads, and his skin was blotchy and peeling from meconium in the amniotic fluid.
Well . . . having babies isn't all dreamy soft-focus delight. It's hard. When they call it labor, they aren't kidding -- it's the ost intense physical work I've ever done.
Pregnancy, delivery, nursing every 2 hours, infections, fussy babies -- it can be terribly hard on a person. It can be lonely and frightening, and full of difficult surprises. (My baby wasn't fussy or ill, but I had other challenges to face. My sister? she sailed through pregnancies and deliveries, but her first baby cried nonstop. Sometimes husbands can be clueless, impatient and unhelpful. Sometimes the dad isn't around.)
Twish is right -- we gotta talk about it more!
I love being a mother. I totally adore it. But I totally want to help pregnant moms and new moms who are having a rough time.
@Annie
Wow this is an amazing story! So much detail and personal touches. Annie, congrats on fighting every day with the mom job! Haha congrats to you too @Twish I'm happy to see you back in form and having a baby boy! Thank you both for sharing such personal things with our entire community!
I realized I have deep into my heart the idea of wanting a baby and it surely is an enormous realization in the life of a woman. I fell in love whenever I see a pregnant woman so I am sure I will be extra happy when it will come my turn.
@Annie Thanks a lot for sharing your story. You definitely went through a lot and made a lot of sacrifices for your child. I admire your ablity to articulate the entire experience and also your generosity to share your story in such detail. It will help a lot of moms feel that they are not alone, they are not the only ones facing hardships, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I wish you and your baby th every best from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks everyone for your good wishes!
@Annie
Congrats.
There was three pieces of advice that I got when I was pregnant that resonant with me. They are more for older children but gave me solace. There was alot of bad advice and a lot of good advice.
1) say no when you have to. This way you will always stick to your guns and you kids will learn that no really means no.
2) kids have no idea that you do not know what you are doing. Fake it until you make it
3) Parenting is hard but if you listen to your children... they will always tell you what you need.
What I learnt was that I was not alone but I was not the same either. I needed to do what felt right. I learnt why you cry over spillt milk, the irony of the statement sleeping like a baby, and the simplicity of what life is really about.
I learnt quickly that being pregnant and having a baby some how gave the world a free card to share with you others thoughts and opinions, no matter how harsh they were but resolution that other people's opinions really did not matter.
@live4logan, thank you for your wise, warm reply. You are eloquent and wonderful!
From the energy of my post (and its passionate length!), you might have thought that this was a recent experience for me.
Ahh, no . . . Just a very vivid one!
My son is now over 18. But I have been a fervent advocate for new moms and pregnant moms ever since my unexpectedly difficult experience.
@Annie
It is like being a new mom with that age difference. ;)
Congrats on surviving one and doing it all over again.. :)
Congratulations on your bundle of joy, @Twish!
Happy mother's day, to all mothers and single fathers
@Birdwatching
Mothersday in austria is on 2nd sunday in may. Where are you from?
@Ich1971 it's the same here to, I don't keep up with my days very well
♡
Happy Mothers Day To All Mothers And Single Fathers!! 
Congratulations @Twish!! May you have all the Happiness in the world!
A little late, but anyways, Happy Mother's Day to all those mothers!
I want to start by saying that I hope that things are becoming easier for you. I hope that you are finding the support you need while you learn the skills you need, @Twish.
I too have a experienced many things I wasnt expecting - Gave birth to my 2nd and I was not prepared for him to be born two months early or to have the extended hospital stay, or for so much that has accompanied his start to life. I have recieved help and support and many blessings, yes, but I am struggling emotionally and often feeling VERY overwhelmed.
Dear @generousTurtle6656, it really is overwhelming.
Even when a baby is born at full term without medical problems, it can be exhausting and anxiety-filled to take care of a new baby. And post-partum depression can happen to anyone, and it's serious.
But when a baby comes two months early and has a long stay in the hospital, and there are ongoing medical issues--that can be a huge thing for a mother to cope with. Even with warm support, a new mom can struggle to keep going every day.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you are reaching out to share your experience.
@generousTurtle6656 I was super overwhelmed and unprepared when my baby came a month early. With 2 months, I can't even imagine the shock and unpreparedness. With a kid to care for already it would have been a very challenging time. But as they say, you get to face the challenges that you are strong for. I applaud you for being strong and emerging a winner. More power to you!!
@Twish This is soo cute! I hope you all have a lovely day and thank you for this post even though it was made a while ago. Everyone always deserved to be thanked
@Twish
I dont appreciate my mom enough. Its my mistake, So i need to gennerally appreciate her, happylate mothers day.
@Yanaiz Moms dont need much, just give/send her a hug today :)
