Community Lessons: On Feedback and Fairness
Feedback, simply put, is a bridge to growth. There’s positive feedback, and/or constructive feedback, and both are an essential part of effective learning.
Interpreting and understanding constructive feedback is a critical part of growth.
We firmly believe in the idea that the problem is the path. Every person on the internal team has received plenty of constructive feedback from other team members, community members, and life overall. We’re all perfectly imperfect humans. We make mistakes, and it’s not about the mistakes we make but what we take from them moving forward. I frequently encounter situations where I have to provide constructive feedback to a person, or several persons as a result of a conflict. In these situations, I am often asked questions like these:
“Why am I receiving feedback? What feedback are they getting?”
“I’ve reported their behavior, but nothing happens, and yet I am receiving feedback?”
“What consequences will they be getting?”
Do you notice the pattern?
This is essentially like the post I made about Zero Sum Thinking (strongly suggest reading!), but in this case, it isn’t a question of someone else getting praise and you not getting it; it is instead you getting constructive feedback and sensing that your piece of the pie has been decreased and that others are getting away with the same behavior, but their pie size is NOT decreasing.
When you receive constructive feedback, even though it doesn’t feel like it, the size of your pie is actually INCREASING. The person giving you this feedback is investing in you. Think about it like this: if they didn’t care, you wouldn’t receive any feedback, positive or constructive. This involves a shift in thinking. The feedback process–even though it is tough–is evidence that they care and they are taking extra steps to help you succeed. But this isn’t just about feedback–it’s about focusing on your own journey and not fixing on others. Your life is your life; we all play a one-player game in life; people that are the most successful in life (have the best relationships etc.) focus on their own game; they do not get lost in other games. Oscar Wilde famously said, "be yourself because everyone else is taken." There is only one of you and that is where you will get the biggest gains. If you focus on others in a competitive way, then you are unintentionally making your own slice of the pie smaller because you are not focusing on growing it by working on your own life or game. It’s understandable to expect fair action, but when it becomes the sole focus of your interaction on 7 Cups, you’re losing sight of your own progress. Don’t worry about what others are doing; at the end of the day everyone is responsible for their own actions and self-work.
Let’s close with a reflection:
Think of someone you admire, it can be an influencer, celebrity, family member or friend. Now tell us a little bit about this person and give us your opinion if this person would have become who they are today without being open to change and growth.
Thank you for this! What a great viewpoint!
Loving it so much … self love and self care all the way!💕💕💕💕
It’s okay to be selfish to focus on you and your goals. You are worthy of the focus and time.
Appreciate the work you do here thank you. 💕💕💕💕
@Heather225
Hi H! 😊❤️ Thank you for the amazing forum post! I really enjoyed reading it!
I for one, enjoy positive feedback (positive affirmations) as well as enjoy providing this for others! I feel as if there is much value in "seeing others", "catching them being good", recognizing it and applauding their efforts! This helps in the growth process to let others know that they are on the right path. This is the behavior that is sought and with the positive affirmation, the positive behavior is more likely to continue! Show them what you are looking for and make a big deal about it! 😊❤️
If you tell a child they are bad, they will be bad. If you tell a child they are good, they will be good. 😊❤️ Focus on the good, accentuate the good, less focus on the negative in hopes that behavior will be extinguished.
I too enjoy constructive feedback! 😊❤️ I agree, that someone providing it in the right way, (no hidden agenda, no self serving motives, no power play, but instead being transparent) is so very good for growth and development.
I too see it as someone caring enough about me to pull me aside, taking time out of their day to help me, teach me, support me and all of my efforts! Constructive feedback, done in the right way can form bonds and let you know who has your best interest at heart. It can show you who is willing to roll up their sleeves and help you along and who would be the best to mentor you. This is one of the ways in which trust is born. I see this as part of relationship building and finding out who you can go to when needing the help and even being able to ask for the constructive feedback from a reliable and trusted source. Ahhhh.....now that is a beautiful union! 😊❤️
I agree with you whole heartedly that, we should not focus on others, but yet ourselves. If many of us focused on ourselves and our own behaviors instead of others, we would be better people for doing so. I guess there is a saying "when you point the finger at someone else, you have three more pointing right back at you". lol 😊 I loveeeeeeee this one! Go ahead, actually, lift your hand and point and anyone can see what I mean.
Gizzie comes with a non compete clause. I have no need to compete against anyone except for myself. My only competition is me and trying to do my personal best to out do myself with my last greatest win! With that comes my own personal growth and development.
Instead, I enjoy celebrating the victories of others! ❤️ I love feeling as if I may have been a part of someone elses personal development and growth. I am quick to share any knowledge that I may have, support someone else, all of their efforts and hold the door for them and let them pass ahead of me. This is teamwork at it's finest! 😊 That's my joy! I love simply sitting, basking in the glow of someone else that earned good things! If they earned it, if they deserve it, I'm the first to applaud them and sit with them in the winners circle! ❤️ Weeeeeeeee weeeeeee! 😊
Competing against others is no good. I feel like we all win together and that yes, this is how the pie gets bigger for us all! I have the attitude of "I just do me" and worry less about what someone else over there is doing, lol. 😊
*high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️
Good message, thanks for this! ❤
It's important to take a step back and ask ourselves why we are connected emotionally to the feedback we receive.
To focus on building our internal self so that it seeks no external validation, and is defined by immovable goals rather than volatile public acceptance or opinions.
I need help, how do i read the reviews that someone wrote about me?