College Essay
Hello all! I wanted to share my college essay with you, so I could get some thoughts and opinions. Anyone is welcome to comment, and I'd love to hear feedback from as many of you as possible <3
"The potential to be a veterinarian is a difficult one. You are required to help animals, but have to be empathetic to the owners and animals who may be injured and/or dying, while still holding it together in order to support them. You have to be aware of everything at the same time. How the animal is doing, who is around you, and so much more. This is a difficult task for some. For me, however, I can flip those emotions like a switch. It's not that they are disingenuous feelings. It’s that I grew up with little emotions. I’ve been in therapy since I was 4. I learned how to manage and express emotions thankfully, but it took many years. Because of this I am able to have genuine emotions, but turn them off like a light switch in order to get through something.
Compassion and empathy are a vital part of being a veterinarian. This applies for both the human and animal. You can not be a vet because you don’t like people. You will work with animals mainly, yes, but you also will have to talk to people on a daily basis. Many people choose being a veterinarian because they think they don’t require social skills. Many vets need more social skills than average people due to the heavy losses people may encounter.
I always knew I wanted to be a veterinarian. It wasn’t something I intended to do though, because I saw most people grow out of their “animal phase” while I continued to enjoy being with animals of all kinds, and I was never afraid of being bit or scratched or anything of the sort. I joined an Agricultural FFA program in 2020, the year I started high school. I grew up in —-----, but my main memories are in —-------------, where there is a lot of agricultural business, and livestock. My family was never able to afford a farm, but I knew I wanted to be a livestock vet. I still know that to be my dream.
As a transgender male, it’s been a difficult experience. Many people at first assume I may not be strong enough or that I won’t want to get dirty because when I was born, I was labeled as a girl. However I am more than capable. I can lift nearly my own body weight, despite my size and appearance. I have not been allowed a lot of experience due to that. No one gives me a chance, or thinks I am worth the time.
I am here to prove them all wrong. To show people that I am who I am, and I can succeed in the career I want to be in. It is a challenge everyday with mental illnesses. I try as hard as I can to get through it though. I will persist because of this. I will get through the tough times, and find my way through the dark by making my own light. I will not let them gaslight me, or make me think I can not do this. And I hope that by doing this, I am able to show others that they too, can get past their hardships, and accomplish great things."
Tagging some people who I'd like to read: @CommunityModFinn @CommunityModKay @CommunityModLou @CommunityModAaron @CommunityModChristine @CommunityModIris @CommunityModWillow @VioletFields003 @Estrellitta @Astraeuss @CallumCares421 @DarkerPlaces @ALeXaNdEr0712 @Mack @Axtyn @OliveTree1728
@BirdKing449 u no u can do it bird n doesnt matter what other ppl think or say just focus on urself its ur life not any1 elses. ul be an amazing vet and i totally belive u can do it :)
@BirdKing449
could you add the question you were answering so i can better analyze 🥹
@Astraeuss
There is no question :p Its a personal statement/essay that some colleges look for, or some websites require to put in your bio for colleges to see! So theres not really any topic, just based on personal experience and such
@BirdKing449
Here is the updated version! I will update more after feedback, but I won't tag again, so please subscibe, if you'd like updates <3
"The potential to be a veterinarian is a difficult one, not only in the level of content knowledge you must have, but also the emotional knowledge that must be learned. You are required to help animals, but have to be empathetic to the owners who have animals that may be injured or dying, while still holding it together in order to support them. You have to be aware of everything at the same time. How the animal is doing, who is around you, and so much more. This is a difficult task for some. For me, this is something that I learned to do over the years of my life. Working with animals is something I have been doing for most of my life, in my personal time, and educational time. I know that animals need specific care because of the education I have gained from my agricultural educators, as well as my own research. The health and well being of animals comes before emotions. Due to my recognition of this, as well as my knowledge of working with people through projects, interactions, and overall life experiences, I have learned the balance of completing difficult tasks when needed, while also being compassionate when it calls for it.
Compassion and empathy are a vital part of being a veterinarian. This applies for both the human and animal. You can not be a vet if you don’t like people. You will work with animals mainly, yes, but you also will have to talk to people on a daily basis. Many people choose being a veterinarian because they think they don’t require social skills. Many vets need more social skills than average people due to the heavy losses people may encounter. I always knew I wanted to be a veterinarian. It was not something I intended to do though, because I saw most people grow out of their “animal phase” while I continued to enjoy being with animals of all kinds, and I was never afraid to complete tasks that needed to be done in order for the animals to be properly taken care of.
I joined the Agricultural and Environmental Technologies Career and Tech Program and ------, ---- FFA in 2020, the year I started high school. I grew up in ------, but my main memories are in ------, ----, where there is a lot of agricultural business, and livestock. My family was never able to afford a farm, but I knew I wanted to be a livestock vet. I still know that to be my dream. I originally started by volunteering at a no-kill cat shelter called ---------------------- before Covid hit. I did alot to take care of the cats there, by grooming, and cleaning, and even just playing with them. When I moved to ------, and got to join the high school's AG program, that is where I learned that I wanted to be a livestock veterinarian.
Being a vet would help me achieve so many things. It will help me improve skills that I know I possess and learn new ones as well. I would help the industry by being someone who advocates for the health of animals, all over the world. Not just here in the USA, but also places that treat animals cruelly. I am here to prove people wrong about stereotypes. To show people that I am who I am, and I can succeed in the career I want to be in, despite being in the minority. I will persist because of this. I will get through tough times, and find my way through the dark by making my own light, despite the switch being broken. And I hope that by doing this, I am able to show others that they too, can get past their hardships, and accomplish great things."
Retagging some people for the updated version, and adding people: @CommunityModFinn @CommunityModKay @CommunityModLou @CommunityModAaron @CommunityModChristine @CommunityModIris @CommunityModWillow @CommunityModCharlie @CommunityModElliot @CommunityModAlex @VioletFields003 @Estrellitta @Astraeuss @CallumCares421 @DarkerPlaces @ALeXaNdEr0712 @Mack @Axtyn @OliveTree1728 @NovaGalaxy @TabbyCat97 @Zayin @BrilliantTurtle89 @amiableBunny4016
@BirdKing449 I like that you added some of your vet-related experiences! I think that's smart considering what the essay is for. Still amazing in my humble opinion 🤪
@BirdKing449
Thats honestly amazing! So ao proud of you ♡
Tabby
@BirdKing449
yout essay is always up to you but maybe using bigger words and diffrent grazes might help it stand out a bit more. such as
“ The path to being a veterinarian is not only challenging due to the knowledge you must pertain, yet the emotional compassion you must carry. You are required to help animals, to get stronger, better, or even lengthen their life. Although an aspect you also must master is the knowledge of others emotions and how to help them through this difficult journey at times“
@Astraeuss
I love it. thank youuuu <3
Most essays, no matter the genre, should have at least 5 paragraphs. The Introduction, 3 body paragraphs, and the Conclusion. Your first couple of sentences in your Introduction needs to be the Topic Sentence, the main point you want to get across.
If this is an essay for your profile for college admissions, writing about your own experiences, your vision of what being a livestock vet will be like, and what you can bring to this field of work, can be things you mention about. If the college has specific programs for you to enter to continue your education in reaching your dream, do talk about that too. That way, it shows you've done your research on the college itself, and that you are looking forward to learning more in this field.
Otherwise, what you've written so far is good. Do try and keep it in the same tone, keep it in first-person. Try not to start your sentences with "And". There are some sentences that look like it should be a comma in between, rather than starting a new sentence.
@BirdKing449
Hi! These are just some suggestions: I think you should start off the essay with a descriptive lead (perhaps an intricate description about an important experience you had with animals) that will catch the admissions officer's eye and make the start more interesting and related to you. Also, I suggest not using second-person or any general statements because the essay is about "you" and I strongly recommend using all the words you can within the word limit to talk about your experiences and the effect it has had on you. Lastly, you talked about being trans in a short paragraph and I was wondering if you're writing a separate college essay on that? I feel like you mentioned it so briefly here but I would assume that it has a great effect on your life so definitely talk more about it (maybe not in this essay though). Hopefully that helped!
