I don’t get to be myself anymore
Hi! I’m a bit scared since this is my first post. I tried venting on Reddit before but was met with downvotes so I’m just turning here to try a new option.
I grew up in England and I had everything. I found the education system really suited towards me and teachers really cared about my mental health. I was always top of my class and barely had to study. I would go out with my friends, binge watch Netflix, basically all the stuff a kid SHOULD be doing
In year 7, I moved to India, which was a decision my mom made. I don’t fit in, but that’s not what is truly bothering me; it’s the work.
I joined a school with the IB curriculum and I’m currently in year 10. The amount of work and all nighters I am pulling is ridiculous. I get around 2-3 hours of sleep every night and I end up vomiting from time to time. What I’m doing is not healthy, I am awkward, but there’s just so much to do in so little time. I’m so used to always having good grades that I feel I’m good at nothing else but academics. I have these really important exams in a few months and I’m just juggling a million different things. I’m losing myself, my personality and I’m not living or thriving, just trying to survive every day. I’m crying all the time, stressed about a million different things and I don’t do things I love anymore. I also have to have the constant reminder on what I’m missing out on. I’m in touch with a few of my old friends from England on *** and they always go to the park, go sledging, meeting up with friends. I don’t have the interesting personality I once did so I have no friends to meet up with, not that I have the time anyway.
I Miss the person I once was and I know I can’t get her back because of my studies. I’m losing myself and I want to be ok again.
@courteousSquare3675 Hello there! First of all, I am so proud of you to reach out for support. I’m really sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. It sounds incredibly tough to be juggling so much with not a better health and feeling like you’re losing who you used to be. The pressure you’re under is intense, and it’s understandable that you miss the person you once were when things felt easier and more balanced. Even though it’s hard right now, it’s okay to feel lost. You deserve moments where you’re just living, not just surviving. Maybe there’s a small thing you used to love like listening to music or chatting with a friend, that you can bring back into your routine, even for a few minutes. It's not about doing everything, just taking tiny steps.🙂
You’re more than your grades, and it’s important to recognize that. Have you been able to talk to anyone about how overwhelmed you’re feeling, whether it’s a teacher, a counselor at your IB curriculum school, or even someone at home?? You can also chat with active listeners at 7 Cups providing an empathetic and non-judgmental ear. Sometimes expressing what’s on your mind can help lighten the load, even just a little. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing the best you can! You're not alone in this, and even though it feels hard right now, I believe that person you miss is still there, just waiting to come back when you're ready. Take care of yourself, you matter! Sending lots of positive vibes, best wishes, and warm hugs your way!🤗💖
@courteousSquare3675
Sorry to hear that you're going through such situation . Sending you warm hugs . It's ok dear . Ik Indian study system here mark really matter for parents and society. But remember those grades don't defined you or your future . Don't be so hard on yourself. Take care and just do as much as you can with proper sleep and diet
And welcome to 7 Cup , here you can share your problems with listeners, they're really helpful.
@courteousSquare3675
Hey, thank you for opening up and sharing your story. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and I’m really sorry that you’re feeling so overwhelmed. Moving countries and adjusting to a new school system on top of everything else sounds incredibly tough. It makes sense that all the pressure and stress would be taking such a toll on you. First off, please know that what you're experiencing, feeling lost, disconnected from your old self, struggling with the weight of expectations, is completely valid. It’s not easy to balance academic pressure with your own well-being, especially when you're used to excelling without much stress.
It’s sounds concerning that you’re getting so little sleep and even experiencing physical symptoms like vomiting. That’s a huge sign that your body and mind need a break, and it’s important to listen to those signals. I know it’s tough with all the work piling up, but your health has to come first. Even small changes, like breaking tasks down into manageable chunks or scheduling mini-breaks during your day, may help reduce some of the pressure.
As for missing the person you once were, remember that it’s okay to take a step back and just breathe for a bit. You can find a way to reconnect with the things you love, even if it’s just a little at a time, it can be helpful to explore ways you can reconnect with your past self. Your grades don’t define you, and the amazing person you are is so much more than academic achievement.
I’m really glad you’re reaching out for support here, and I hope that by taking things one step at a time and being kind to yourself, you'll find a way to feel okay again. You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.