I don’t even know a title

Hardly know where to begin, let alone a title for this thread.

I guess I’ll start before all was lost, before my knee operation that meant I couldn’t dance…before I realised no one would ever love how I did them….before I was left by yet another dad…..

I got lost in a world of drugs and used. Was it to escape? Was it to connect finally and be a love I yearned? Was it too rebel against the world and all I knew and was expected? Was it to escape the pain or did I want to give up?

A decision led me to experience things I wish not a soul to understand let alone relate with…..

I became lost in evil and fantasy that was mirroring my deepest insecurities and becoming a desire somehow despite the pain.

Days became confused with months as time got faster. Love seemed strong and bigger than ever yet crushed my spirit and in turn those I love most.

Further I became far from my true self and my true life but somehow was trapped only in what had become, what was forever lost and this everlasting hurt.

Those I needed couldn’t help but I wished for them to set me free despite being unable to help self. I was trapped in a world I never believed and was not about to believe in who I was becoming.

So much I regret but this, this was and is still unforgivable. I suffered in such a way that I’m scared will never heal from including those I need saying the same despite never actually going through. What did I do, why, ahhhhh