Dealing with difficult people during the holidays

The holidays are supposed to be a wonderful time of year. Seeing Christmas lights and holiday decorations can often lift your spirits, even for a moment.

However, not everyone feels this way about the holidays and not everyone gets along well with family and others. Sometimes we have to cope with difficult relatives or friends visiting for the holidays. It can really try our patience.

So here are some suggestions that can help to prevent unwelcome disputes.

1. Be aware of our feelings

Don’t let our feelings dictate the way we respond to someone else. It can help to take a few deep breaths and review what happened and how one can gently respond.

2. Stay confident

A kind approach like “Hey, I am sure we can sort this out” rather than “It’s annoying what you say” can communicate to the other person that we want to keep the peace.

3. Be clear

Try to avoid words that may lead the other person to make assumptions; it helps to express our thoughts clearly and simply.

4. Avoid rushing to judgement.

We can express how we see the situation, but be open to hearing the other person’s side also.

5. Be curious.

Asking questions helps clarify what we think happened. This can help the other person tp see why we reacted the way we did. “What did you mean when you said…?” “What were you trying to say when…?” can be good open ended questions to ask.

6. Rephrase questions

If someone uses words which might offend us we can rephrase them in a less negative way. For example, if we are described as stubborn, we could say, “I’m very determined when something is important to me to have success” instead of responding harshly.

When you believed someone offended you, how did you resolve things that did not work out well?

Which of these points above might have helped in that situation?

Here are some suggestions to answer if you feel someone is trying to trigger you:

1. Thank you for your feedback

2. I thank you for expressing your opinion. I realise how different our ways of seeing the situation are

3. Thank you, I get your point now.

4. I’m sure you are trying to be helpful and I’m grateful for your honesty but right now I fail to see how continuing this conversation would be helpful.

5. I am surprised that you take such an interest in my life and I’m sure you’re not trying to make me uncomfortable but honestly I fail to see how bringing this up right now can add to a joyful time with the family.

What else can you add to this list?

There are times when we cannot help ourselves anymore and feel lost in dealing with people in general. If you are at a point right now, where you feel interaction with others causes you unbearable stress and is having a negative impact on your life, please reach out.

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