Feelings are not facts

I would like to share a brief scenario with you today that happened to me years ago.

I was meeting someone at an event. We were shaking hands but their handshake was very limp and they were not looking into my eyes but looking around the room.

I felt that the person was not really interested to meet me and was not paying attention to what I said. As a result I asked myself, “Are they just rude?”, “Am I so boring?”, “Am I not welcome?” Without having any proof for their behaviour I made my own assumptions which lead to a number of negative feelings.

Often we believe that the feelings and emotions we are experiencing are determined by what happens on the outside, by situations, and the behaviour of others. We take our assumptions for granted without challenging them.

What really makes us feel and respond the way we do, is often not the situation or the words and actions of another person, but how we perceive that situation or that person’s action and this is often based on situations that happened in the past. It is our thoughts and beliefs about an event that significantly influences our emotions and actions.

So, here is what happened in short:

• Someone did not act the way I expected

• The result was that I automatically believed something must be wrong with me

• which consequently created negative feelings about myself.

The Truth was:

• The person was concerned that someone they needed to meet was not at the event and was looking out for them.

• When they shook my hands their mind was elsewhere.

• Later on they apologised and explained it to me.

The best thing to do when you are feeling like something isn’t right is to check it out. Don’t sit on it, push it down, or try to ignore it; your emotions won’t cooperate. Sometimes the only way out is by getting into the feelings and first looking at how you might be creating them.

(excerpt from “Feelings Aren’t Facts” Psychology Today)

1. What are some of your feelings that you experience often?

2. How do they affect your thinking?

We all engage in cognitive distortions from time to time but sadly for some people it becomes a pattern which impacts them negatively and prevents them from enjoying their lives. Distorted thinking disorders are well treatable with cognitive behavioral therapy.

Please reach out to a therapist if you need help so that you can live a happier life. If you might find it helpful to discuss your situation regularly with a 7cups online therapist, there is a paid option. More info here https://www.7cups.com/online-therapy/?ob=1

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