How to handle people who put me down
Lately, I have been running into a lot of really insecure and other mean spirited people who seem to notice things like my looks and appearances. I used to take it personally but I realize that it probably has nothing to do with me. These are random strangers of the street who are doing this.
1. Is there some way to assert myself when I over hear people saying nasty things about me?
2. What are some healthy steps to take so I don't let their comments get to me?
Becasue everytime I hear them making fun of the way I look, it hurts.
However, I realize that I am not going out into the community to please these people but I don't want to percieved as a doormat either.
For example, I over heard two men making fun of the way I look today, because I am a woman with short hair but I try my best to look woman as much as possible. I finally looked over at them and said
"Would you mind your own buisiness? Besides I like myself, there is also a name for people who talk trash about others. A trash can." Which shut them down, while I ignored them
@Summershy 1. Is there some way to assert myself when I over hear people saying nasty things about me?
My way of dealing with it is to not base my self esteem on how others see me. This is not a quick fix, and involves practicing and learning not to react. I sometimes think of the person they are talking about as someone other than me. I feel compassion for them because they are not accepted. To me that takes the stick out of their hand. Without a reaction from me, they have utterly failed.
2. What are some healthy steps to take so I don't let their comments get to me? Mindfulness helps me. I follow my breath or turn my attention to my surroundings and be aware of what I hear, smell, taste and sense. Even seeing the forms around me can help change my focus. I try not to focus on things that upset me if said outside or by the inner critic inside.
That has nothing to do with who I am. I am more than my body or my thoughts. I feel compassion for people that play the blame game. They feel so poorly about themselves they try to tear others down so they feel better. I never tell them these things. It is all internal.
@soulsings
Thanks for your tips, I have never thought about them playing the blame game but I suppose that is correct. I also like the idea of learning to have compassion on those people.
Yesterday, I overheard two women who looked very nice make fun of the way I acted and asked "Is that a boy or a girl?" I wondered if it was probably because they thought I was probably going to make fun of them.
@Summershy some people you meet have black and white thinking. They may think that a short haircut says something about your gender preference. We can never know all the things going through people's minds.
Soulsings - those are wonderful coping skills!
Often, when an individual is being hurtful towards another it shows how they are feeling within. It might be a certain experience they have had that is causing them to react negatively towards another person because of the pain they are experiencing. In your message, you mentioned that you realise it has nothing to do with you and that is so right! :)
Perhaps try to tell yourself something positive and reframe your thoughts in a way that gradually their comments become less hurtful. Please know that you're not alone and we are here for you at 7 Cups.
Thank you @LisaMeighanMBPsS for your kind a nd appreciative words.