Abandoned
Hi,
This is a heavy one but something I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about. I lost my sister, then brother and son weeks apart the straw that finally broke the camel’s back I lost my soul support of 25 years. Even after all that I could handle it if I had unconditional love but even my daughter has backed off. She has never shown empathy and admitted all her boyfriends said she was cold. I just get super sad sometimes which she calls spiralling down which she has no patience for. She’s told me to get a life and so much more. She was sick a lot growing up and I showed her so much empathy my own mother never gave me it’s almost worse than her passing because she’s there but I can’t reach her. My mother never developed an ounce of empathy and I’ve seen that in others. I understand it’s hard to be around sad people, she used to say nice something supportive which was enough but now she just gets angry and unkind. The hardest part is I have to accept she will never understand and it will always hurt me so deeply. How am I supposed to frame that to be okay I don’t think telling myself she will come around is a good idea because I don’t think it’s realistic. Sorry such a long post I have been suffering and needed to get that out. Maybe too heavy a topic I will be more careful next time, thank you <3
See no one responds to abandoned.
@Malamapono
I have told myself many times reaching out makes everything worse I won’t do it again.
@Malamapono I know it might not feel like it right now, but you are not abandoned! You matter just as much as anyone else 🤍 please keep holding on — you're important and your presence truly matters. Sending lots of love to you ❤️❤️
This is the cruelest thing being ignored on a support site. My sister, brother, son and soul mate of 25 yrs died and I’m completely ignored yet I see everyone else receiving kind words. This had made everything so much worse I couldn’t sleep all night and will never reach out for help again. I cruel selfish people. I’ve been so kind and generous my whole life but now can see why other people aren’t, people truly don’t care about bereaved mothers.
This is my last post. I see people whining about nothing receiving so much support. Maybe if you imagined watching the people you love most suffering to death and being abandoned because of grief you’d quit feeling sorry for yourself when you don’t really have anything to complain about.
I am sorry for your trouble...it must really suck feeling like that ...I am not sure but why not visit a therapist... From me experience I feel the more we focus on our sorrow the more it increases...why not practice being happy on the trivial things maybe just the sunlight, the chriping birds or something silly or small that u like and enjoy. Maybe it can help you
Well from all my years in therapy (you assumed I didn’t get” I have learned that we need to feel to heal and be validated. Basically you just told me I need therapy and am not doing it right. Why are so many people supporting people with no specific issues one just feels down with so many kind words but I’ve been ignored and the only one who replied told me to go get help when it was she who recommended I try 7 cups and work towards group therapy. People care less about a bereaved mother than a person asking for support for “making bad decisions lately”. I don’t think people have any depth of heart if they can’t see that. Like I said I will die now instead of being trapped coldly because my son was killed. I saved myself by praying for the person instrumental in his death yet no one has empathy for me.
I am sorry I didn't realise how hard it was for you ...sorry for assuming things...your feelings are valid and there s no right or wrong way to grieve...I just want to help you however possible...sorry that I misunderstood and didn't realise my words...
your feelings are valid...you are not wrong for what you feel
I really hope you can find solace and light through your tough time and what you went through is very painful and I really hope you that your burden be eased...sincerely wishing you lots of love
@Malamapono I'm really sorry to hear that 😥 Your feelings are valid, and they truly matter 🤍 Please try not to be too hard on yourself ❤️ You matter and deserve to be treated with compassion 🤍
You're not alone in this. I truly hope you find the support you deserve 🍀 and things start to feel a little lighter 🤍 Sending lots of love to you ❤️❤️
@Malamapono set boundaries and stick to them.
do not allow yourself to become a victim of abuse, either physically or emotionally
(Sorry for bad English) Fuf… I can really relate to you. I went through all kinds of abuse in my childhood and teenage years, and now my wife has grown tired of my depression and suicidal thoughts. I can feel her becoming distant and angry with me because of how depressed I am. She wants to divorce me. I’m sending you a big hug from afar, from someone who also feels trapped in a very dark storm that seems to have no end.
@Malamapono
Hello, I'm very sorry to hear about what you've been through recently. I regret not logging in to support you yesterday. I just saw your post and I feel sad for what happened to you.
I understand that you are sad and hurt about your loss and also upset because few people have given you kind comments.
It's quite normal for you to hold a grudge against those who turn a blind eye to you. It's also okay to get angry when you see that others receive more care for their complaint posts.
You have enough reasons to be angry and sad, and you can also be disappointed with mutual aid platforms. When we pour out our sorrows but no one shows kindness, we all feel sad and desperate. I understand that it's very painful for you to endure everything.
I believe you are a very kind and generous person, so I hope you will be well.
I know you might think I understand nothing, you might think my words are of no use, because change can't bring your loved ones back or make up for the pain you've suffered.
But I still hope you can live well. It's not easy to get out of the pain, but it's not impossible. I hope my words can make you feel a little better. You are a person worthy of love and care.
Whether you read this post or not, I wish you have your redemption and all your blues will fly away.
Sorry for your losses. I pray God will bless you and comfort you.
I read your posts, and my heart truly goes out to you. The losses you've endured your sister, your brother, your son, and your sole support person of 25 years are unimaginable. That kind of grief is heavy beyond words, and I want you to know I see the depth of it. While I haven’t experienced loss in the same way, I do understand what it feels like to be abandoned when you need people the most. I went through my own betrayal when my ex-husband had multiple affairs including with my sister. And somehow, I was the one made to look crazy. Everyone took their side, denied the truth, and turned their backs on me. I lost my home, my family, and everything I thought was solid. I had to start over from zero. The abandonment you're feeling on top of such profound grief is heartbreaking. People should be showing up for you, not disappearing. Their absence speaks to their character not yours. What I’ve learned is that sometimes the people who are supposed to love us unconditionally fail us in the worst ways. But that doesn’t mean we’re unworthy of love. It means we have to redefine what family and support really mean. For me, it became the few friends who stood by me when blood relatives didn’t. You’ve survived losses that would break most people. That tells me you have a strength that runs deep even if it’s hard to feel right now. You deserve people who will sit with you in your grief, not run from it.I’m also truly sorry that you felt abandoned here, in a space where you should have been heard and helped. I don’t believe it’s because people don’t carebbut sometimes your story is so deep, so layered, that people simply don’t know how to respond. Not because they don’t want to, but because they don’t know how.Your pain matters. Your story matters. And you matter.I’m doing better now, and I want you to know that healing is possible even after everything. I believe in your strength, and I’m holding space for your heart. ❤️
@INFJariesLOVE
So grateful to have received your message first thing this morning. I’m so glad you’re doing well after all you have endured. These are such difficult times just being in this world. I finally have figured out why my children are unkind to me. I think because my mother disrespected me since I was little abuse seems normal. When they became cheeky teenagers I didn’t have healthy boundaries and sadly believed I must deserve it so they didn’t stop. My life goal was to change the cycle of abuse by not passing it down by abusing my children but I see that it snuck back in a way I didn’t see at the time. I just turned 60 which is the only birthday that ever phased me. It’s a time of reflection which is helpful but very overwhelming. I’ve made it through with support of community and kind people but my community changed so I relocated to the city and people most definitely are not nearly as kind. I just need to feel safe from more hurt. It’s hard for me to put up boundaries because my family was never there for me so I have too much empathy for others and just want to help. Sadly I have learned in the city no good deed goes unpunished, it was the opposite in my small community before it changed. In the past reclusing a few days to get my strength back but the world seems so unkind the thought of opening up trying to be with new people seems like a threat. The person who said I need better boundaries is absolutely right. I don’t know how to be kind and have strong boundaries. I enjoy helping others and don’t like to judge so I keep finding out the hard way people don’t care and will use me. In my small community of 33 years people didn’t fool me but city people seem to be acting so I don’t know who to trust. How did you learn to trust people again after your sisters horrible betrayal? I’m so sick with stress and trying so hard to get out of it. I think I should go for a walk now, it’s so challenging. If my family could just understand and tell me they loved me I know I would be instantly cured. Buddha said attachment leads to suffering, I’m attached to the idea my children should care and need that so much it’s so hard to let go. I always put my kids first which is probably another reason they think they are above me. I think I soiled them trying to give them the love my siblings and I never had. It took everything I had to raise them so it feels like a disappointment impossible to get over. My whole life I wondered what the bible meant by Good intentions pave the way to ***. It’s so defeating to realize I tried so hard with best intentions and I get abused in the end. I would have hope but my mother never changed and I think some people are heartless unless it’s a fun relationship they benefit from. I’ve been down before but always got back up for my children, it’s hard to love myself when my own family doesn’t. I know we all deserve love but I think I scare people away with my losses and have stress issues so I think I may have to lean on support groups. It really hurt to not get a reply but I know it is because most people can’t even handle hearing about what I’ve been through which shows me how strong I am. But I don’t want to always be strong I wish I had a safe family member. It feels like if my own family can’t love me then it’s a very unsafe world. Humanity hasn’t really progressed from the animal realm. People who enjoy getting one over on others are operating from the most base animal part of the brain. I’m just so literally sick and tired of unkindness. I’m supposed to catch a ferry but missed yesterday so need to go today but I’m still so sick I’m actually stuck and need to go home. I have been retreating in a small community where everyone is kind and was improving but get so sick just thinking about going back to my neighborhood. My neighbours don’t talk to eachother I thought it was wrong and have tried but now I see they have boundaries up so they don’t have to take peoples BS. I never wanted to be someone who isn’t friendly with neighbours.
Thank you so much to anyone who made it through this rambling message <3