Brand new here
Hello Everyone,
I’m 61 years old and was very happily married for 25 years. Two months ago my wife just didn’t come home from work with no explanation whatsoever. Later the police arrived with court papers, an order of protection (no contact whatsoever), and the confiscation of all my firearms.
The next day I discover that I’m broke, bankrupt, and soon to be homeless. Two days earlier we put an offer on a retirement home in Kentucky. That apparently was the final straw that our financial situation would be discovered. You see, my wife had done 100% of the finances and mail collection since we were married.
I would never have thought she would leave me no matter what. She I was my best friend, wife, companion etc. All of our friends are mutual friends and I have no desire to see them and talk about my wife or the situation. My son, daughter-in-law, and grandkids live in Kentucky. My other son lives in Lake Tahoe.
They are very supportive of me. I have other family too all far away.
It’s Easiest to say I exhibit all severe signs of stress and anxiety minus suicidal thoughts.
I don’t know what I need other than help from people who have been there. My family is great but they don’t know what to say.
This is just a brief snapshot of the bigger picture. I love my wife, I want her back if that’s what she wants. The financial situation exists whether we are apart or together. I choose together. Unfortunately, I have a no contact order in place.
Well, I think I’ve said enough for now. I’ll be trying to navigate this app for now.
Thanks for listening.
@lostman2608
I can only imagine what you've been through in the last 2 months. It must have come as a shock to find out all these things whilst you fully trusted her with all the finances! So sorry to hear this! I am glad that you joined this site and reached out! This is a tough situation, and I'm sure you have many questions for her. Do you think it would help to contact one of her relatives or friends to hear if they have a way to get into touch with her? Why do you think the police came with a protection order?
Know that you can always reach out to talk to a listener here for support and comfort.
The no contact order applies to third parties as well. A standard question when going for court papers is if your husband owns firearms if the answer is yes, you get a protection order. Also picture lying to your husband for 25 years about your finances until the last minute when you’re ready to retire and then you tell him you’re broke busted and have no money left in the house. That explains the no contact order to allow me some time to calm down. although in all honesty, all she had to do is call from a friends house and give me an hour or two and I would’ve been calm enough to talk it through.
As it turns out her father was a pathological liar, and as such would lie about the Slightest-thing just to get out of an argument with his wife. This is the environment she was raised in, and it’s also a condition known to be hereditary. All of her financial decisions that were made Did not make any practical sense and all they did was buy time until the next decision would have to be made as bad as a financial situation is I could get past it. The abandonment and no contact is torturing me half to death. My wife obviously wants to run away from this problem, hoping she can escape it however, I know that won’t work for her.
To make matters worse, we adopted a severely abused 18 month old Doberman five years ago just before Covid struck. We were unable to socialize him due to isolation. We trained him well and he is a big baby, but he’s overprotective of the two people who shaved him. When my wife walked out I was left with the puppy, which makes it impossible to find someplace to live to rent. He’s 115 pounds and labeled as an aggressive breed right now the only place I have to live with my family is in a RV travel trailer in Kentucky.
I am attempting to take care of the things in my control, which basically is me and my dog on a day-to-day basis. Beyond that right now my future is beyond my control. I’m hoping being here will help Thank you for your kind words.
@lostman2608
It must have been hard to hear that her father was a pathological liar, and she might be one too. I believe focusing on what is in your control now and taking one day at a time is a good way to go at this point.
Btw my sister had a Doberman too, he was very sweet and cuddly.
We never discussed her inheriting or learning those traits. Just that her father was a liar. I found out after she left this is an actual disorder. It fit her pattern of irrational lies about financials just to avoid an argument.
@lostman2608 🙁 God bless you im so sorry sweetie 😥 that was heartbreak to read🙁 I'm so glad you found this site, I'm sure you'll get all the support you deserve here 💗 gives you a giant tiny hug 💗 we are all here for you 💗
And welcome to 7 cups 💗 I hope your finding your way around ok?
I’m back… I tried chatting and I accidentally merged into another chat. I am not familiar with this mobile app yet. I started my day with purpose early by stripping the bed and planning on a day of laundry all sheets and blankets. My morning has been nothing but one small anxiety attack after the other. Breathing helps as does distraction with my Doberman. I don’t have any answers for my new life. I used to plan well and I was successful minus giving all my finances to my wife for 25 years. I am living, not day-to-day, but moment to moment. I had the rest of my life planned out to be with my family sons and grandchildren. Now I don’t even know how I’m going to feel from moment to moment. The no contact order with my ex is doing nothing but creating more problems and creating a bigger divide. I never felt more helpless in my life.
@lostman2608
Sorry to hear that you had an issue with chatting. Did it happen in a group chat?
Yes, relationships. I still don’t know exactly how to navigate and execute here. I mean no disrespect.
@lostman2608
In the beginning it can feel overwhelming to get around like with many things one starts for the first time so I would like to give you some links that might be helpful:
You will find the Member's welcome pack here if you haven't received it already. It will give you some very helpful links. Member welcome pack https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CL9Yu_6zixlapOjdrhCgKLy9JN5wY3HWdrGH7PIO2WI/edit#heading=h.p2ah3g8frtbm
This is the link to our Newbie Hub https://www.7cups.com/home/welcome/ where you can find important information and links. To the right you will see an option "Filter by Topic".
Group support:
You will find group support rooms listed here when open. Some rooms are permanent so will show up all the time, others are pop-up room, opening only just before the event (open chat/discussion) takes place. A way to find out what is happening on a day or during the month is checking the community calendar.
Please let me know if this makes it clearer to you or if you need any other information so that you can navigate comfortably on the site.
You are very kind, thank you.