"How do I get out of here?"

Hi. I would like to share with you something that I do that just bothers me a lot... I mean, I don't mean to but I don't know how to stop..

Anyway, since I was younger, I wasn't able to call people or even teachers by their name, but I could talk to them normally.

Then stuff started to worsen more and more in middle school, or better I started to close up a little bit and still couldn't talk at school, mostly when the teachers talks and there are people who are able to ask freely for help or make questions...while I can't...

I'm in third year of high school, I'm much (I wouldn't say shy because I don't think I am) weird, but it hurts, because I want to open up to people, be able to talk normally without being afraid of Idk sometimes I feel like they'll judge me or simply not hear me calling them, and it's been years that I suffer with this thing. I looked over the web and it's like social anxiety, but I honestly don't know. I'm not a doctor. 😣

By the way, it kills me slowly this thing. Also when I go outside and just walk I feel like people, which are strangers walking near me or even people who are car drivers, are watching me and somehow judging. Idk it just feels like this. I try to convince myself in thinking that nobody cares about me, I mean that are not staring at me all the time as I would do with other people. I really try, but it's hard.

I'm even trying to go outside all alone in cities that aren't even that far away from home, like I go at little bars and take a bubble tea, or just go buy stuff, but all by myself because I am really trying to get rid of this anxiety I carry with me since I was younger. It sucks. It really does.

I don't know what to do anymore. I try to expose myself at school, like making the first move when the teacher asks who wants to correct (like read the answer I gave) the homework she assigned, but only when she's looking at me and so I raise my hand, even though I'm dyinf of anxiety and fear inside. I tried many times, but it still makes me tremble and sad and anxious, because I cannot get rid of it. Also calling people by their name is hard.

I don't know what to do anymore. Can anybody give some advice? Thank you ❤️😞