How do we focus on the positives that are happening in the moment ?
I loved my marriage and life and felt very blessed. I am a person who likes control and planning. I had my retirement planned which included my wife, children, and grandkids. All that has just went up in a cloud of smoke and my marriage is over and my plans are gone.
How do you all focus on the beauty of the good moments of the present and the prospects of a better tomorrow? Just this morning I said out loud to myself, “This is a good morning and it will be a great day. Tomorrow will be good too.” I also said out loud that I can’t control the future right now and the past is gone so I better learn how to do this. Then my truck broke down and I’m at my friends garage all day.
I am really trying here but I am not doing well.
@lostman2608
You've been through a lot and I'm glad you reach out again! It's hard when your life falls apart and you have to restart again. Something I try to avoid is telling myself "This will be a great day" because it can be hard to believe in it when there is so much falling apart around you. I like to choose things which I know I can do like "I will do my best to make this a good day" or even "Today is hard but I will get through as good as I can". To me it's important to acknowledge that sometimes things are not okay, like it's rough when your truck breaks down whilst you've anyhow so much on your plate.
I hope that your life will get easier with time. We are here for you!
@lostman2608
I am sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. Life is full of ups and downs and that is why often when I enter a 'down' point in my life I kind of keep the expectation that it will have to go 'up' next, which it usually does. Sometimes all we can do in the present time is be patient and hope and pray for the better to come.
I also have strong trust in God and turn to him at such times. I believe God causes things to happen sometimes for reasons we dont percieve and sometimes it can be a protection from something we dont actually know is happening.
Years ago something happened that greatly affected me and I suddenly felt very alone, abandoned by people and depressed. I did not feel to go out etc. I actually thought my life had Ended then... But I was only 25. During that time I began to ask God what he wants me to do and how can I deal with this and complain ed that I saw no way out of the situation... It seemed like a dead end. It was at that time that God guided me to things I had never thought to consider before...taking up a New area of studying, travelling, and generally my life changed drastically. I realised that sometimes the feeling of being lost, and sometimes being stuck are sometimes indicators of new things to come. Sometimes these events that leave us alone can lead us to have to change our plans and life sometime... But then we can grow and see new places and new people or learn something new. Maybe you might make some new plans now? Or take up something new? Use the opportunity to do things that you could not do before? See new places?
Also as regards to your marriage ending I do not know the future or the reason for this but I have seen many times that people can suddenly ghost you or want to leave but many of such people come back later on. Maybe some dont but there is always the possibility that things might not end permanently I guess
And I guess I thought this as I remember a woman I know but wont mention who who began saying she wanted a divorce from her husband after being diagnosed with cancer. We wonder ed why after 40 years of marriage she needed a divorce. Yet after the cancer treatment things have settled back down and she says he is not bad and does not mention divorce any more.
So although I dont know your situation I know that often these kinds of events sometimes happen but then they work out over time and people do at times come back. We cannot guarantee this however.
I really appreciate the time you took to respond to my post. I enjoyed reading your thoughts. Thank you.
@lostman2608
Your welcome!
@lostman2608
I have a difficult time seeing the positive moments, as well as any achievements. I just know that I have to keep trying, to keep going. If I quit now, things will never get better.
I believe you are correct in your belief if you don’t keep moving forward nothing changes. That mindset alone is a positive. So start with that positive and move on from there. Try to recognize the small seemingly insignificant positives. These can add up and change your day. Keep it up and best of luck moving forward.
Hi lostman2608,
First, thank you for opening up and sharing your heart so honestly. That takes courage, especially when life feels like it’s unraveling.
It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed when the foundation you built your life on—your marriage, your plans, your vision for the future—suddenly shifts. When control is lost, it can feel like you're free-falling through the unknown. What you're experiencing is grief, and grief is never linear. It comes in waves, and sometimes those waves hit hard.
But I want you to know this: trying matters. Waking up and saying, “This is a good morning,” even when everything hurts—that’s powerful. That’s resilience. That’s strength in its rawest form.
You’re not alone, and what you’re going through doesn’t define your worth or your future. It’s okay to not have all the answers right now. It’s okay to just breathe and take it one small moment at a time.
Sometimes the most healing thing we can do is stay with ourselves through the storm. Be kind to yourself today, even if that just means giving yourself permission to not be okay.
You’re not failing—you’re feeling. And that’s human.
'Here for you.🫂
That was powerful. So much to think about. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.
@lostman2608
IMO opinion, often when we think things are going well, there not going quite as well as we think, and same for when we think things are going badly. Just a little thought to cogitate on. I do believe you can recover your plans for your retirement. If your marriage is over, I'm sure there's also new opportunities that are waiting for you.