I don't know what's wrong with me at this point
Last week I wrote a suicide note at school and the teachers ended up calling my mom about it and we ended up going to the hospital and sitting there until 7:00 pm, I've been having suicidal thoughts since I was like 10 years old and they just started coming back now that I'm 17. Every time I'm extremely upset I always have thoughts of hurting myself and I still do but idk what's wrong with me, my dad was *** off when he found out what I did and even uses "you gonna k*** yourself??" When I do something wrong.... My parents in general are strict so I don't expect anything from them, idk what's wrong with me and why I have suicidal thoughts every time I'm upset
@Yurnuthere. I know that there are hotlines to call for these types of thoughts. Have you tried calling one? When I had thoughts like that I found it helpful to talk with a mental health professional.
How are you holding up today?
@Yurnuthere I am sorry you are having dark thoughts. Threatening to harm oneself can be a non verbal way of asking for help. You may find some helpful resources in this Crisis doc https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zTpWn0FjXG1jf8XB99EBXn591PDQj6t2wdLU9pARsgE/edit?pli=1
Have you considered getting professional help with medications and or talk therapy. This sounds like it is dirupting your life. When mental health issues get that advanced, having a professional to help you can really make a difference.
Hope you get the support you are looking for.
@Yurnuthere I'm much older than you (40 yrs.) but can really relate to having suicidal thoughts and self-harm impulses since very early age. In my case it started when I was 9 years old and escalated as a teenager. Only later, around age of 30, I realized that these thoughts and tendencies stem from me growing up in a dysfunctional family, in addition to getting bullied at school, and that I suffer from complex PTSD. With all my respect to your parents, I got a feeling they're probably not the most supportive or empathic, maybe you'd need much more support and unconditional love from them? If you think this would be the case, please consider talking to eg. a school psychologist or whatever help there's available for you! I sincerely hope you'll get proper help when you're still young, you deserve it 💗