I feel guilty

@wisteria28

Hey… I just want you to take a deep breath for a moment. Everything you wrote is so full of love, pain, and longing to do better and that tells me one very important thing: you care deeply. That doesn't make you a bad daughter. It makes you a human being who's trying her best under really heavy pressure, with a heavy heart. You are not “the shittiest daughter alive.” You are someone who is struggling, and yet still thinking of everyone else around you. That is not weakness that’s immense strength. Even when you're feeling low, you're still hoping, still loving, still trying to do better. That means something. Mental health struggles, especially things like depression, don’t make you lazy or broken they just make it harder to carry the weight you're already holding. And from what you shared, you’ve been carrying a lot: the expectations, the loneliness, the pressure, the guilt. That's a lot for one person, and you’ve still managed to keep going. That is not failure. That is resilience. Your parents love you because of who you are not because of your grades. The fact that they’re doing so much for you? That’s because they see your worth, even when you can’t  And I promise you they don’t want you to suffer silently. They want their daughter whole and well, not perfect. The best gift you can give them is not just high grades it’s you healing, slowly, gently, with compassion. You don’t have to be “smart again.” You’ve always been smart. Your mind is just tired right now, not broken. It will find its light again one small step at a time. So maybe today, instead of demanding perfection from yourself, offer yourself kindness. Say, “I’m not okay right now, but I’m still here. I still care. And that’s enough for today.” You’re not alone. You are deeply loved. And there’s still so much hope for your journey. You don’t have to be everything all at once. Just take the next step forward. That is enough. You are enough. 💛

@wisteria28 I had some similar experience at university.

As my counselors advised me - I pass it on: make your health your first priority.

Also- I reduced my course load. It took me a bit longer to complete university but at least I made it. We can choose easier routes in life - as we discern our capacity. There is no shame in it.

Also- my motivation to put my mind to studies came from my love for my mother. I did the degree for her, not for myself. Since you care so much about your parents, maybe you could use that love to direct your energy to your studies as a priority over your other goals. Dont worry - you will make them proud 💛✨️

It’s not your fault. The pressure of life has us all acting these ways . Don’t feel guilty . Just do your best as your parents should too with you . Don’t give up ! ✨

You don't have to be smart again. You are smart, but you don't feel well and your brain kind of shut down to get some rest. I'm telling you this from my own experience. I'm done with my university for a very long time, but felt completely stupid at work that I asked in hospital to test me as I thought my IQ went down in half. And you know what, my IQ is still very high, but my brain doesn't work, because of my depression.

From all what you said, you deeply care about your parents. There's so much love and concern for them. You care about your grades (honestly not that important ;-) ) and your studies in general.

I would ask you to go and look for professional help. Start with a counselor at your university, if there is one. If not, look for some guidance to see if you really do need some therapy for depression, or you just need some support in this change for you in life. University is different than high school, maybe you just need some guidance and support in that sense. Anyhow, you need to take care of yourself first, to feel better, and then everything else will be better 😊🤗