I'm attached to someone i can't have.
hello I’d like to explain my situation so you can understand what I’m dealing with and help me.
I’ve been emotionally attached to one boy (I’ll call him “S.”)
We only talked for a few months in the first year i knew him but it was a oni sided love.
for about four years, since i was 11 and it became my main hope and a source of motivation. for years I lived a double life in my head: I imagined a future with him, rehearsed scenes of us together, and told myself that if I became pretty he would love me back. that fantasy kept me going through hard times, and I invested a lot of energy into it.
about 3 months ago, i created a fake account to approach him and it worked perfectly since it was him who asked my fake account '' i'll name her E''to be his gf.
It was kinda an upgraded version of me,
my face, with different hair and eye colour.
Same voice, same personality same everything.
ae never doubted anything. Even with the fake account who was peak pretty, peak personality he acted distant a few times.
til the day he decided to leave her with no excuse i said who i am.
he had an insane reaction '' according to what he said and the picture of himself crying''. he oscillated between begging, confessing love, asking me to stay in the character and name of "E" and pushing me away. at times he told me he wanted me as his wife and at other times he said he couldn’t, or that his heart belonged to the fantasy he had.
all of this has been catastrophic for me i feel a mix of grief and loss (because the imagined future collapsed),
shame and humiliation (because it was all messy and exposed online),
anger at him for his inconsistency and at myself for investing so much,
relief and a strange freedom at moments when I realize I can end it,
but mostly extreme attachment I still can’t imagine being with someone else. I’ve been crying uncontrollably, losing appetite, having trouble sleeping, and absenting to school
I feel stuck between two conflicting urges I want to block him and cut contact to protect myself,
but and I also desperately want weekly contact or any small sign that keeps my hope alive. I can’t rely on logic alone because this attachment is built into my identity and my daily routine. I need help to:
manage the intense craving for contact how to reduce the urge to respond or to send photos, and how to refuse requests safely
and to set boundaries and keep them ways to stop being manipulated and to maintain my dignity
and especially how to deal with shame and self-blame I feel ridiculous and embarrassed I need help rebuilding self esteem
i'm ugly and from a lower class. he's the opposite, if i was mature when it att started i wouldn't love someone out of my league.
but then i remember that even my fake account he decided to leave her.
.i feel i'd never love someone this way. our community is so unfair i'd be forced to marry an ugly man in my dad's age.
We talked yesterday and he said he doesn't and he won't ever have any feelings for me at all
I got into a new horrible school where i don't know anyone i'm more depressed and alone.
I'd rather die than all that.
Hi I'm so sorry ur feeling this way. I can relate to heartbreak and it really hurts. And u are going thru so much, still seeking help, ur very strong. I understand the switch between strong hatred and love, and here's what I understand will help. It sounds ironic, but it's actually best not to act on either of the extreme urges of blocking or going back. Only when u feel healed and emotionally stable, shud take such actions, so u won't regret it. In the mean time, pls try to show up for urself. Let urself feel the sadness. Try to bring in better things in ur life. This generation is changing, and I'm so sorry u feel forced that u may hv to marry out of no choice in the future. Pls see if there is any way u can invest some money, so that by the time anyone says to marry someone, ull be financially independent and they can't force u. There is hope for the future. Pls take rest. I understand skipping school can take a toll on you, but rn, pls keep ur main priority taking care of urself. Even sometimes u don't feel like liking urself, try treating it like ur sole responsibility in life. This wound shall heal I promise. Shall we know when,? Probably not. But pls just picture urself living the life of ur dreams. Everyone deserves it. YOU deserve it. I'm so proud of u for posting this and getting the help u deserve. Pls hang on. U are not wrong for having these thoughts. Here is a nice resource that helped when I felt less will to live
https://share.google/2zdwI4xlMJSJ8Bk4g
I kind of can relate to this at some point in my life I had a deep crush on someone I could never be with it only grew more and more as I grew even tormenting my dreams i cried and prayed for those feelings to go away and you know what they did with time suddenly i felt nothing for him look no man or woman are worth dying for i get what it feels like to feel lonely deppressed and empty but life is worth it it is only after i lived and went on with life that i realised life is beautiful it took me years to be happy and feel a desire to love but it's worth it i m happy i m here as for arranged marriages i too have been running from that eversince i m young i know my parents are amazing and kind but i also know every other member of my family loves the idea of marriage i didn't i had dreams i want to fulfill and everyday i work to make them true i did my best in school now in medical school taking all these steps and going through many difficulties helped sharpen my character i m no longer shy i talk openly about what i want no matter how others perceive me it was hard to get this but it's worth it my point is my dear a person like that is not worth it you ll meet many more amazing people in your life they are more worth your love i m sure you are beautiful i even though am i not a great beauty i love myself like i am it's okay if you don't think you are beautiful just look in the mirror and say i love this face it's mine i ll cherish it forever wouldn't change a thing someday you ll meet people who will care more about your mind and heart don't tie yourself down there is no such thing as classes in society you can make a name for yourself anytime you want to please keep in contact i want to know how you are doing i hope you are well