Mourning to Morning

@AshleyNFlewellenLPC

The hardest thing for me about grief is that it shows up unawares.

Unexpected.

It's the smallest things you miss.

Touch.

Conversation.

Presence.

You hear a song and you are transported straight back 

Or you smell a certain smell and it reminds you of them 💚

It's hard!

A way grief expresses itself in me is that my mind wanders, and suddenly I have tears in my eyes. That's when I know something needs attention. 

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Certain songs

No calls/texts

Snow (kind of corny but we used to compare who got more snow) 

Certain foods (we shared some favorites) 

@AshleyNFlewellenLPC

When I was talking with a listener recently it was suggested that I might be grieving for the loss of a favourite sport, very insightful as I had seen myself as a 'cyclist' throughout my life up until blood clots and medication have made it too dangerous. I've been grieving daily ever since, life is simply dull, a lot if the joy is just not there anymore.

@AshleyNFlewellenLPC

My suitcase must be full. I suppress any grief or emotions. I've done it for so long now, I'm not sure how to change or if I could even handle addressing them now.

@AshleyNFlewellenLPC

Grife...

It's been taking the joy out of everything  dries out the laughter replace it with pain 

Family gatherings used to be fun but not anymore 

I used to be able to smile control my emotions Grife ruined that too 

Its too much:/ 

@AshleyNFlewellenLPC

Grife...

It's been taking the joy out of everything  dries out the laughter replace it with pain 

Family gatherings used to be fun but not anymore 

I used to be able to smile control my emotions Grife ruined that too 

Its too much:/ 

@AshleyNFlewellenLPC

Grief pops up only when I'm not busy enough and when it does, I spiral in those thoughts 

@AshleyNFlewellenLPC Grief makes me feel so heavy, frozen to caring about myself in that moment or what might happen in the future. I can forget about it for a little while, but when it comes back it feels like it will never go away. I am still reminded of things from many years ago. I don't know how to let go with finality, to have peace knowing it will never come back. Or is that not possible? I keep thinking I've had a good meditation and can move on, but then suddenly there that weight is again, sinking me. It overwhelms my soul.