Need advice
I dont know what to do. I feel that I am no longer happy in my relationship. Quick backstory, I feel secondary in his life. He puts his needs first and always has. I raised our 2 boys basically like a single mom. He always made time to golf, go out with his buddies....everything. And shame on me for not speaking up years and years ago. Fast forward to now. When I think I have the courage to speak my mind and talk about separation, my guilt takes over and I back away. But Im not happy. I am the income maker for the household. So I feel guilty that he would have nowhere to go and I know he wont stay here in the house because he could not afford it on his own. I dont have anyone to lean on and confide in or to ask advice. Im so torn
@goodPomegranate8307
Feelings of guilt are totally normal in your situation. You need to accept those feelings but also let go of them and put yourself and your children first. He may be left hanging with nowhere to go at first but he will find his way and survive and so will you. Don't stay stuck because you're afraid. Do it afraid. Don't waste any more years of your life in a relationship where you don't belong. Also, think about your kids and how they're gonna grow up feeling that tension between you and that unhappiness or disappointment in their household. You are the first example they'll have and setting a good one should be one of your goals and one of the main reasons to leave. Be a strong figure in their lives and preach the importance of self-love and self-worth. Sometimes we choose to stay with the wrong people because that is the love we think we deserve. Don't forget, it is always in your power to make the change.
Thank you!
@goodPomegranate8307 You are not happy, you feel secondary, and you basically raised your 2 boys by yourself and you bring in the income. You are very strong. Put yourself first, at least try to. Ask yourself if you want to still be with him at all. If so, talk to him about why you feel the way you do. IF NOT, try not to feel guilty. Understand that you are doing this for you and it's very important that you do what you can for your own happiness. It's not nice to have regrets, wishing you left him and you stayed with him the whole time. I have no idea what your life is like , so this is an opinion solely based on what I read. You can decide what is best for you and how you want to live your life. You could also try talking to a listener on here or find a therapist who can help with these things. I do wish you the best. 💕
Thank you for the well wishes and listening to me
@goodPomegranate8307
I think many people have been in your shoes and stayed quiet thought it would get better but found i was never going to be a priority and yes you deserve to be happy.
His inability to afford his lifestyle is no longer your problem ..... you need to put you first.
Maybe start small and let him have 30/ 60 days to figure his finances without your income. I think setting deadlines is important you already gave him years to get his stuff together.
Thank you for giving me something to think about.
@goodPomegranate8307 aww sweetie you've struggled and suffered from this relationship enough. It's time to think about yourself for once. I understand it's hard, but something's just need to be said and done. Huggs you ❤ good luck with everything ❤
Thank you!
@goodPomegranate8307 I am sorry you are in a relationship that is so one sided.
You seem to bend over backwards to make them comfortable. Since you are the only income maker in the family, what would you lose by not having him in your life?
If you want advice, a therapist is trained in giving advice and we are advised not to because it may be wrong for you. Have you considered getting a therapist? They may find the roots of the problem and may be able to help you cope with the situation.
