Struggle With Empathy and BPD

@charmingRaspberries9640

It seems that you have been through some hard times with other people that you came to the conclusion that there are no good people. When we are hurt over and over again it can be hard to believe that it is possible to find kind and supportive people and build healthy relationships. There are good people in this world, and I met many here. I like to meet people with respect and kindness and also give them the benefit of doubt if needed whilst maintaining healthy boundaries. 

I am very glad to hear that you want to work on your ability to build good relationships.

Here are some resources that might be helpful:

Interacting with others Dearman https://youtu.be/EC-M59r-0jg?si=oMCdhsmXgE4Gw4ac

Personality Disorder Support Personality Disorders Support Community (7cups.com)

Community relationship stress https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/

I hope this helps. 

@charmingRaspberries9640 thank you for your questions. I do not know if I have answers but I will do my best.

(1) Why is it morally wrong to treat people who are privilieged or well-off badly? I have always thought that it is fair to treat them like ive been treated. Why do they deserve more than me?

I think that all people want to  be happy and not to suffer. People who are well-off financially often have big problems. I do not wish for the problems of the rich and famous. See answer to  question 3.

(2) Are all relationships transactional in nature?

Anytime we enter a relationship that is based on "you love me and I will love you," this is bound to fail at some point because our expectation of what being loved is like is different than theirs. If I love unconditionally then I feel better about myself even if I do not get treated exactly like I would like. 

(3) I go about with this notion that its ok to hurt people because no one is a good person anyways. There are only bad people and evil people.

I believe that everyone has the potential to do good but sometimes or often their behavior does not lead to that action. They suffer for that and are not happy. Hurting people who are already hurting does not help them or me. I am hurting myself by harming others. That is a path of misery. And if I hurt other people their reaction is to hurt me. So I only hurt myself by hurting others.

I struggle at times with empathy feeling like I am entitled somehow because I have been put down along with others and marginalized. This victimhood in a sense robs me of treating others with a sense of fairness and equality. It slants my view of others. But I so understand with what you are saying because it’s hard to conceptualize what you are trying to describe. I was raised to treat everyone with kindness and respect (probably assuming that it would be returned to me). Obviously, reality isn’t so simple as people have their opinions. Personally, when I am disrespectful to others or someone I feel guilty still and bad and often shame regardless if the person has hurt me directly or indirectly somehow. So I think that is natural for me at least, but it may not be for others. I wish the world was more kind and peaceful.. I wish people understood people who were in distress more and were less cruel.. these sorts of things. Therapists or psychologists would contend there is a difference between setting boundaries and taking control of one’s own life and treating others ‘badly’, but I think the lines can be blurred and it’s a gray area. It’s often said to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. I think this is a very good way to think in a way because it helps people step outside of their own narrative and be more inclusive of others to understand the world more completely although it may be uncomfortable.

@charmingRaspberries9640 when we view life from a position of weakness, it can be very easy to feel jelous of others circumstances or lives. like "why do they have it easier than me" the reality is.........you can change your circumstances. if you so choose. i take it you suffer with BPD.......the most common predictor of BPD is invalidation. so to invalidate others seems natural to do. i believe life is transactional and unconditional love is a myth. if someone cheats......its over.....if someone betrays you its over....naturally. otherwise youd get walked all over