What is normal behavior when arguing?

@Autumn1146 Hi there. First, I would like to tell you how proud of you I am for being brave enough to talk to this person about how the name calling makes you feel. 👏 That's advocating for yourself. 

Second, personally, I do believe that saying things we don't mean in an argument is "nornal". But to constantly be called out of your name time after time after time, we can't normalize that kind of behavior. It's simply not ok and you don't deserve it. 

Even with talking and expressing your  feelings, this person still proceeded to do the very thing that hurts you. What you choose to do and accept moving forward is your decision and you should know you deserve to be treated with respect even when you and another don't see eye to eye. I hope you're safe and I wish you all the best. ❤️ Take care. 

@Autumn1146 the best thing I do when someone wants to argue and be angry is not to react by connecting with my breath and excusing myself and going to the bathroom. If they get violent would calling the police keep you safe?

When I sense someone wants to argue I stop engaging immediately. 

@Autumn1146

I think there are lots of ways to view this. Which one is right for you is largely up to you. 

Calling someone you supposedly love unkind names says something about the person doing the name calling. Is it habit? Or do they actually mean what they are saying? Do they really think of you in that way? Or is it just a way to express frustration?

I read a very interesting article which proposed that the people who shout the loudest are those who are struggling the most to communicate. Can you help them to de-escalate and say what they are trying to say without the unkindness? Knowing that they might be struggling inside, would that change how you approach it?

I've discovered that communication is way tougher than it seems. So much gets mis-heard or misunderstood that I generally try to ask for something at least 3 times in 3 different ways before I conclude that the message just doesn't want to be heard.

Likewise, I know that I need to do something new at least 3 times before I "get it". So I try not to expect others to get it right first time. Habits can take months to change. How many practice attempts do you think is reasonable?

Ultimately its your choice. If you feel unsafe and unhappy, the most important person is you. Do what feels right to feel well. There's no shame in getting out of a situation that makes you unhappy. But, we only learn about relationships by being in relationships. And relationships and communication take commitment and practice. Perhaps there is stuff you can learn in this relationship?

@Autumn1146 it's definitely not okay to be screaming names at one other during an argument. The best way is too not get to their level if they are yelling and to say I'm going to walk away now and we can revisit when both are calm

your thread highlights a very important question about boundaries. 🧱

It is understandably confusing when a partner is supportive during calm moments but uses insults and verbal degradation during a fight.

Please know,,😇

this pattern is not a standard or healthy part of handling conflict.

If you'd like,,

keep just one objective truth close to you right now...

a person's reliability is measured by how they treat you when they are angry,,

not just when things are easy.

You have every right to expect consistent respect,, even during a heated disagreement.

Your safety and dignity should never be the cost of keeping a connection.

Clarity regarding your boundaries grows slowly,, just like a tree 🌳

May you find a little light, even in the smallest step.!!! 🕊️ Take care!