Check-in: Monday 2 and Tuesday 3, November 2020 - Trauma Support Community
Hello, wonderful people !
I wish you these days go smoothly, and you have a peaceful time the week ahead.
The idea I came up with for this check-in is Tension and Relaxation.
Dealing with Tension is a very valuable skill for anyone, nowadays even formally taught in many large Companies and Organizations. It is particularly valuable for people that experience regularly high stress levels, from Wall Street brokers to people prone to panic attacks. Elite military or law enforcement units (like Navy Seals, SWAT teams, etc.) are taught deep breathing, and other relaxation techniques, to be most effective at peak stressful situations, and to unwind afterward.
Some level of tension is unavoidable in everyday life. Even on a vacation, you might worry about getting on time for buses, trains or planes, whether your accommodation will be OK, how to get to places you want to visit, etc
Stressful situations are part of normal life. A difficult assignment or impending exam in high-school or college, a project deadline, or a crisis at work, create some unavoidable tension, that must be kept at acceptable levels. If so, it can even be helpful, well channeled as an extra energy push to complete our tasks.
Awareness by identifying and labeling "I feel tense now", "I am stressed because...", etc. is a good way to monitor and keep stress in check. When tension and stress get out of control, relaxation techniques come to the rescue.
For those of us that live with the effects of past trauma, relaxation techniques are very useful tools to help us cope with frequent tension build-ups, waves of higher and lower tension, and high-stress peaks.
There are many effective and easy to learn Relaxation Techniques taught in 7 Cups.
They can be found:
- Among “My Path” exercises
- Within many “Self-Help Guides” (like Anxiety, Work-Related Stress, Sleeping Well, and many others) that teach mostly Diaphragmatic Breathing and Deep Muscle Relaxation
- In the “Mindfulness” section: visualizations and audio-guided exercises like those under the buttons:
- Body Scan
- Breath
- Quick Stress Relief
- Relaxation
Check them here ! https://www.7cups.com/exercises/mindfulness/
We encourage you to practice these relaxation techniques regularly, and try some new ones, for example, browse and pick one you don't know, among the many offered in the "MIndfulness" section.
The check-in questions I propose you for this Monday and Tuesday are:
1. How have you felt these days in terms of Tension and Relaxation ?
2. What is your preferred Relaxation technique? (Like, for example, deep breathing, guided meditations, body-scan, deep-muscle relaxation, stretching, etc. )
3. What things relax you or reduce your tension, that you don’t do mainly with this purpose ? (For example, I watch a movie or listen to music because I like it, but it also relaxes me and lowers my tension.)
I look forward to your answers.
And wish you all the best !
Marcelo.
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@WelcomeToChat
How are you with tension/relaxation - I naturally hold a lot of physical tension in my neck and shoulders, and recently it's gotten to the point where if I don't massage those places daily, it hurts if I don't keep my head straight/centered. I'm considering starting to use ice on the area to help calm inflammation. I'm emotionally very stressed, because my campus is in a big city, but near the dangerous part of it, and there has been a big increase in violence as it gets closer to the election (like [TW] I hear shots almost every single day now, when normally it's more like once or twice a month) and my fiance is concerned enough to where he's told me that if the violence gets much worse, as people are predicting it will, he's going to take us to his hometown to stay there until he feels like it's safe enough to come back (he's a security guard so I trust his judgement), which is fine on its own, but the fact that he thinks it'll really get that dangerous is what scares me. The emotional stress, in addition to the fresh PTSD (not quite even 2 months since the trauma yet), is no doubt contributing to the physical tension, so it's kind of a vicious cycle, especially considering I have a fresh concussion, and thinking about the potential for a lot of flashes and loud bangs isn't fun
Favorite relaxation technique - A massage; a lot of times if I can get some of the physical tension to go away then it lifts my mood too
Something that relaxes you - Cross-stitching & music or youtube videos; it's a good way to distract myself from my thoughts via the audio component, and it keeps my hands busy (I fidget a lot if my hands have nothing to do) and gives me something to focus on
Also just a for fun little side note - It's my fiance's birthday today! He normally doesn't celebrate it, but I want to make it special, so I get to give him lots of extra attention and affection 
@HumanPersonThingy
When I was in college, I had also a lot of physical tension in my neck. It was like a piece of concrete. I had terrible headaches because the petrified muscles impeded blood circulation. It was inhabilitating. I was given muscle-relaxing medication to no avail (it's also damaging as a chronic solution). I was desperate, literally.
I finally solved the problem by a combination of zero-caffeine intake, stretching, and most importantly, Autogenic Training, a technique similar to body-scan. Autogenic Training takes about 3 months to train, but once you learn it, you create pathways in your brain between a simple formula ("I feel my legs heavy..etc) and immediate muscle relaxation. Here is an example of how it works:
https://www.guidetopsychology.com/autogen.htm
BTW, I discovered that a lot of the tension in the neck was a reflection of muscular tension in my whole body, particularly the legs. It is key for me to keep a balanced muscle tension across my whole body to avoid neck tension.
Happily, using these techniques, that I kept employing regularly up to know, that concrete block in my neck is a thing of the past.
I have a friend that studied at Chicago University, that had the same problems when riots raged in a close area. I would take your fiance's advice, not just for the danger of physical harm, but for the stress itself. Why suffer so much stress when it can be avoided ? My advice would be to go with him to his hometown a.s.a.p.
The constant emotional stress you feel reinforces the need for regular relaxation practice, I think. It will help unlock your whole capabilities to heal.
Cross stitching is the perfect example of an activity that you enjoy and focuses you without making you tense. It also has a purpose, typically some nice thing for yourself or a loved one, which makes the whole experience lovely, warm, and relaxing.
Music has no parallel as an excellent all-purpose complement to all relaxation activities you might think of. Including doing nothing...
Happy birthday to your fiance ! It's so lovely of you to want to make his time special, even if he doesn't usually celebrate it. I don't either, but I greatly appreciate and enjoy demonstrations of love and happiness by my loved ones, that special day.
I thank you very much for sharing your experiences about tension and relaxation, with such openness and detail.
Kind regards,
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat Thank you for the check-in!
How have you felt these days in terms of Tension and Relaxation ?
I have been having periods of relaxation and tension lately. I try to keep myself relaxed. I have been feeling tensed in terms of talking with other people. I have schizophrenia and one of the symptoms I experience is disordered thinking and speech. Lately I have been somewhat conscious and tensed because of that
What is your preferred Relaxation technique?
I like doing art (I am not very good at it). I also practice some grounding techniques. I try tapping myself which also helps
What things relax you or reduce your tension, that you don’t do mainly with this purpose ?
Humming to myself helps me relax. Strangely, sometimes talking back to the voices I hear (auditory hallucinations) helps me cope and relax
@hillsideblues
You seem to have a high level of self-awareness. It is great how you stay aware of your level of tension. Most people don’t feel how they are doing, and then tension builds up.
Talking to other people when we have some disadvantage on that front, trying to keep up with a normal conversation, at a standard pace, is tiring and could cause exhaustion and even burnout.
You are very conscious, thankfully, of how talking to other people makes you tense. This is a very valuable skill. You should take full advantage of this ability you have.
So, when you begin feeling tense while talking to others, politely excuse yourself, stop the talk, and do something relaxing alone, like deep breathing, until you feel you are back at a low tension level.
Do not force yourself to keep talking as if nothing happened, just to appear OK in front of other people. You have special needs that have to be respected. Don’t let the tension build up until it becomes unhealthy. Stop and relax when you see it coming.
It’s lovely that you do some art. I do too. I draw and paint watercolors. I am not good at all, but I enjoy both doing it, and watching the results of my art.
It takes courage to do your own art, accepting its “imperfection” compared with “professional” art. The prize we get is all the enjoyment and pleasure you gain out of it.
There is a negative social tendency called the “Spectator Culture”, by which some few “professionals” produce all the art, music, literature, sports, etc, that the rest of us end up consuming. It creates barriers and high standards that discourage people like us from creating and producing our own art, writing, music, and even practicing sports.
I admire and congratulate you for the courage and energy to go “against the tide” and doing art, your art, escaping from a mere “spectator” role.
Humming feels like caring for yourself. Humming is like a lullaby. It’s soft and directed to ourselves, not to others. It’s wonderful that you have discovered this way of keeping calm and giving yourself some comfort and love.
I thank you very much for sharing your valuable experience and practices, which could be very useful for other people reading this page.
Kind regards,
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat Thank you!! A few times I do not even realize when I am just blabbering or talking unusually unless the other person points it out to me
@hillsideblues
IMHO, "Blabbering" is not that bad. What is key is to monitor how much effort you are putting into keeping the conversation, how tense it is making you, and, if you feel you are getting tired, politely stop it and relax before getting exhausted.
@WelcomeToChat
I forget to relax during the day, but I like doing the body scan activity right before bed, and I like to play calming music like the sound of the waves of the ocean or frogs ribbiting.
@SynSavory
To remember to relax during the day, there are some apps that make a gentle sound at set or random intervals, to remind you to stop for a moment, check how tense you are, and do some deep breathing or other relaxation practice (depending on the time you have available at the moment).
These are 2 good free apps I know of, one for Android phones, the other for iPhone.
MindBell / Android: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.googlecode.mindbell
Lotus Bud Mindfulness Bell / iPhone: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/lotus-bud-mindfulness-bell/id502329366
There is also a free Chrome browser extension that does the same on any PC running Google Chrome: Bell of Mindfulness https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/bell-of-mindfulness/lggmmceliiaoddfnbaccgpfnpoifilic
Body-Scan is a great practice, easy and effective. You can adjust the pace to your liking, from a very detailed, slow one, where you concentrate on every small part of your body, to a brief check on the status of large muscle groups. And every pace in between.
I also like to sleep with nature sounds that mask urban and house noise (Noise Masking). Waves are my favorite. In the past I used a "Sleep Sound Machine" like these: https://www.amazon.com/b?node=18746767011 (they look like nice birthday gifts...).
Now, for "Noise Masking", I use an app called WhiteNoise (free), with Bluetooth speakers
WhiteNoise for Android: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.tmsoft.whitenoise.lite
WhiteNoise for iPhone: https://apps.apple.com/sa/app/white-noise-lite/id292987597
Thank you for sharing your experiences and habits with Tension and Relaxation !
Kind regards,
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat
Hiya marcello, pawsome check in!
.1. Ima doing ok today, I always have some tension, sometimes stretching helps.
2. I like to color while listening to music. And chatting with my friends on cups.
3. Actually it the same thing, I jus love music ima almost always listening to music, the calming is is jus a bonus. The same go for coloring its something I do for fun and the bonus of relaxing and being fun.
@Fireskye13
Hi ! Skye !
Thank you for your compliments !
I am happy you are doing well. You are right, as I also tell in my post, there is always some unavoidable tension. That's OK. You keep it in check with some stretching and other practices.
You are aware of your tension, and take action to keep it at moderate levels. That's the whole idea. You are successful at that. Congratulations !
7 Cups is such a wonderful place to unwind, and relax chatting with your friends ! As @mytwistedsoul rightly emphasizes below, you need to feel safe to relax. And 7 Cups is such a safe place.
Thank you for bringing up Coloring as a relaxing practice ! I think we should promote it widely among our members. We might do some Discussion or special event on Coloring, Doodling, etc. I am tagging Elena, @elizabethunter who is in charge of the "Creativity Corner" of this SubCommunity, to share this issue you bring up.
You can do Coloring at your own pace, peacefully. You focus on your work to stay within the lines, and choose the colors that go well next to each other. Focusing on something you enjoy is healthy for your mind.
In the end, you have a nice artwork you can collect or display in your room.
I like that you enjoy what makes you relax, and do it all the time, like listening to music.
This way, you have like an automatic mechanism that always tends to keep your tension at healthy levels.
It's great that you enjoy and do effortlessly what's best for you !
You are lucky for that !
Thank you for participating in this check-in ! Such a honor for me !
Kind regards,
Marcelo.
There's stress and then there's hypervigilance. In order for someone to relax they need to feel safe. There are times during the day that for what ever reason we do not feel safe. It could have been a sound. A smell. A thought. Even on good days the hypervigilance is a steady buzz in the background. Always aware.
How have you felt these days in terms of Tension and Relaxation ? There is always tension. Shoulders and jaw. Most isn't noticed until things start to ache. Always prepared.
2. What is your preferred Relaxation technique? Video games. Coloring. Cartoons. Regular meditation is out of the question because it often causes dissociation. Guided meditation isn't as bad as long at it paints a visual image.
3. What things relax you or reduce your tension, that you don’t do mainly with this purpose ? Music is a favorite but there are times when the hypervigilance won't allow it. Or if there is sensory overload. Then it's coloring because it's something that can be done quietly. Going for a walk in the woods can be relaxing.
@mytwistedsoul
I totally agree that to relax you first need to feel safe. This is a very important point. In a "realistic" sense, to relax deeply, you need to be in a place and time where you feel safe. As @HumanPersonThingy correctly describes and explains in the first post on this page, the feeling of being in an unsafe situation creates stress and totally impedes relaxation. At best, you can calm down with deep breathing (like the SWAT people I talk about), but deep relaxation is out of reach without feeling safe.
So, in this "realistic" approach, as a prerequisite of deep relaxation, you need to be in a place and a state of mind that makes you feel safe.
In a more "imaginary" approach, there are visualization techniques that address this issue by training first in creating a "virtual safe space", which could take many sessions. Once you have created this safe "space" in your mind, and it feels real and sturdy to you, you can visualize going and staying there, as a prelude for further relaxation.
About what you say that "there is always tension", what's important is noticing it, see if it's stable, decreasing or increasing, and take appropriate action before a tension build-up becomes a problem.
It seems that you relax by doing gratifying things that distract your mind out from stress. Coloring appears to be a popular practice here. It's a great, great way to calm down, and fill your mind with beauty and peace. I wonder whether we should do a "special issue" on Coloring and Doodling, to promote them among members that might not know it.
I don't consider Meditation as a relaxation technique at all. We see all those images of the Budha, monks, and Yoga practitioners sitting in the Lotus position, their bodies well balanced and still, a subtle smile on their faces.
That's the outer image of it. But during proper meditation (as I understand it), on the inside what's going on is that we confront all the thoughts that populate our mind, and make an effort to "come back" to our breathing, and "let them go". It is a very dynamic process and might involve much effort. It might be disturbing at times.
Meditation is a very valuable practice, but it's not "relaxation". A hammer is a good tool, but it's not a screwdriver. If you need a screwdriver, a hammer won't do.
Meditation could be therapeutic for some people, and outright negative for others. Relaxation is good practice for all human beings.
There is a lot of confusion in the terminology. For example under "Guided Meditation" you might find totally different things, from breathing practices, to loving-kindness meditation, to relaxing visualizations.
I prefer, for the purpose of this article, to make a clear-cut distinction between "Meditation", that is an intense self-awareness practice, and "Visualization" which is more like a guided dream.
Even visualizations might have many uses, not all relaxing. For example in sports, it is widely used to reach the unconscious and "plant" there good technique and self-confidence.
Visualization must paint visual imagery (as its name hints), and can include sensation from all the other senses as well (sensing sounds, touch, weight, perfumes, etc.).
I totally agree that music is great, but might be counterproductive at times when you feel your mind can't absorb any more stimuli, and the sensory overload would make things worse. It happens often to me.
Coloring is great. I repeat, we should promote it in some way.
And walking in the woods is sublime, in addition to relaxing, it's a spiritual experience in itself.
Thank you for sharing such rich and thoughful reflections !
Kind regards,
Marcelo.
1. How have you felt these days in terms of Tension and Relaxation?
These past 2 days, I have been anxious but have felt okay. I recently absolutely exploded from stress; I was stress-blind and having panic attacks every day for almost 2 weeks. I was exhausted. In desperation more than anything, I reached out to a therapist and made my first appointment with a professional in about 4 years or more! I'm so excited to get better.
2. What is your preferred Relaxation technique? (Like, for example, deep breathing, guided meditations, body-scan, deep-muscle relaxation, stretching, etc. )
I like grounding exercises that remind me I'm just a human being on a planet, because the large perspective can take me out of alarm mode. I respond well to logic (despite being a very illogical person!) so touching things with different textures or planting my feet firmly on the ground, things like that, really help.
3. What things relax you or reduce your tension, that you don’t do mainly with this purpose ? (For example, I watch a movie or listen to music because I like it, but it also relaxes me and lowers my tension.)
I make art and it always relaxes me, but I have such a hard time making art in times of my personal crisis. I'm learning to associate these things by practicing art therapy with my new therapist! My first appointment is on Wednesday! Wish me luck!!
@betterchoices
I am sorry to hear you were so stressed recently for two weeks. Thankfully, you were better these last days.
You did right in starting Therapy. When things are too big for us to deal with on our own, if you can afford it, you must reach for professional help.
This step gave you a lot of hope in getting better. I am glad for that.
I love how Grounding means to you to feel planted on Planet Earth. And how this gives you a big, big perspective on things.
There are many levels of reality, all true. We are made mostly of empty space and vibrations. We are a bag of water and organic chemicals. We are a constellation of billions of cells. And we are also part of Planet Earth, and the Universe at large.
We have evolved to think in terms of things of our same order of magnitude. But switching to another one, identifying ourselves as part of the Earth, for example, might let us stay for a while in a realm where everything is OK as it is.
We have all the right in the world to stay in these other realms, because we belong there as well. They are as real as our human-scale world. We are part of them.
Many (if not most) artists experience blockages. The prove is that there are dozens of books for artists about getting unstuck (my favorite is "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield).
Getting stuck is part of the artist's life. More so if you have regular anxiety and even occasional panic attacks.
A good approach, as far as I know, is to focus on the process and not on outcomes. Also, to commit some hours every day to work, as any normal worker does, and just "be there" without the expectation of producing anything particularly good.
I WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD WITH YOUR NEW THERAPIST !!!
I WISH YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH HER / HIM AND THAT THERAPY REALLY HELPS YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER !!!
Thank you for your wonderful contribution, you artist !
Kind regards,
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat Wonderfully thoughtful reply, thank you so very much!
@betterchoices
Thank you !, you are welcome !