Check-in, Trauma Support Community, Wednesday-Thursday 28-29 April 2021

Loyalty and Trust

This is my last Check-In. I will also withdraw from most activity in the Forums.

For this last Check-In, I will bring up a sensitive topic that is at the root of many traumatic experiences: the betrayal from people we trust.

The feeling of betrayal comes when we are let down, or worse, by someone we trust. Many serious traumas come from this.

You don’t feel betrayed by an enemy, but by someone that is supposed to care. By someone you expect to be loyal to you.

There is an instinct in human beings to trust strangers beyond rationality. This is because we are social animals, our ancestors needed to bond in communities in order to survive. They didn’t have the luxury to test everybody for trustworthiness.

Also, we Homo Sapiens are born immature. In contrast with most animals, it takes many years for us to be able to survive on our own. So we also have an instinct to totally trust our parents and family, because we depend on them for survival.

Unfortunately, all of this makes us particularly vulnerable to betrayal and trauma.

If we are betrayed, in our minds the belief in the loyalty of other people might get fuzzy or even disappear as a lateral consequence. The human “trust instinct” can be lost. Distrust becomes the norm for us.

For as long as the human species existed, there was a “domino effect” of people that lost trust, because they were hurt by those that should have been loyal to them, and then they ended up hurting others. This is most visible in child-rearing practices, and endless “vendettas” among and within families.

If we identify this even minimal risk within ourselves, we have the opportunity to stop these harmful waves to continue into the future, and “Be the change you want to see in the world” (Gandhi)

Practicing unbounded loyalty to the people we care about, with no tricks and no cutting corners, we help expand trust in the “concentric circles” that we influence. Our friends, colleagues, our families, and finally, society at large.

Sometimes we might have to pay a price for been loyal and standing for what is right. But by avoiding the route of less resistance, based on a “victim stance”, that sometimes justifies hurting others, we get stronger, we get better, and we project that goodness to the world.

Having been hurt, we give love. Having been betrayed, we are loyal and inspire trust.

We are a force for good. We can change things for the better.

Our lives are full of challenges. But also of opportunities to make the world a better place.

And give more meaning to our troubled lives.

Questions:

- How are you feeling these days ?

- How trust and loyalty are getting stronger in your life ?

I look forward to your comments, and wish you all the best,

Marcelo.

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