Domestic Abuse Community Check-in - Come and say hello!

Whew, scary thought to be putting this out there for the first time. I have a N-Hub. I have seemingly admitted defeat of my situation 3 months ago. I told NH I was depressed. 10 years together. Kids in the mix. I was told to not feel that way, <insert all typical N reason phrases here> And nothing more was mentioned about it. Im 3 mo the later and I cry everyday, when ever Im alone for a minutes. My mind runs around and around wondering why I am being gaslighted. Is my fault? Can I snap out of reality for a while and breathe.my soul is tired... there are literally just no words for my ‘new normal some moments are good, but lately never full days are good. I would justify at this point that things on his side are very rough too, hes got shit going on. But Im still here, loving and supporting from the sidelines while Im dodging the bullets coming at me .

I feel like this is 3.5% of the story, but it is what my N-victim brain, that is still enduring it All can come up with at this time. Im hurting. My soul is hurting. My foundations of life are crumbling down around me.

Hi Everyone!

Pretty new to all of this. Only just recently admitted it and left. Still very raw.

I hope everyone is happy, healthy and strong.

Hello,

I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions. With holidays fast approaching...

Back story: My abuser kept me and the kids isolated for more than 25 years - not once to celebrate with my side of family for any holidays - we had to be with his side of family (also abusers and treated me and the kids by ignoring us, cutting off or putting us down - never a kind word or inclusion in conversation, always one ups, or even going to my neighbors and degrading me with their lies).

Current: With "freedom" this year, I would like to have spent this holiday season with my side of family. However, with the forced isolation away from them so many years that I am not "real" to them at all. I've asked multiple times in last few weeks to spend it with them and I can't even get any acknowledgement of my requests. This hurts tremendously that even my own (family of origin) doesn't see me or my kids as human beings or part of the family.

My kids and I have no where that we belong, no where that we are included or loved. My parents are both dead...their siblings (my aunts and uncles, cousins are very distant emotionally and don't even accept that I've been in a d.v. situation - it's easier for them to pretend it doesn't exist and even that I don't exist since they don't have to see me face to face).

Any suggestions? To bring joy and acceptance to a season where my kids and I finally have freedom but it's come too many decades too late that we have no one to spend it with. And the pain of that realization.

Hi, I'm new to 7cups. I just got out of an abusive relationship. My 4th abusive relationship. My dad was abusive too and I keep picking guys just like him. II've decided to stop the cycle of abuse. I'm in therapy and I'm reading everything I can to try and learn and make some changes. I'm trying to discover who I am, because I've always been who a man has told me to be, and I'm trying to become independant. I left my last abuser 24 days ago and he hasn't harrassed me in 10 days. I feel safe and optimsitic about the future.

Hi there, Im still leavening about how to use this app and its been a while since Ive been on here. Ive been very hesitant to calling my relationship what it is. Abusive. My husband is a narcissist. He is not at all physically abusive and he provides for the kids and I, but he is extremely verbally abusive at times and extreme with gaslighting, devaluing, and discarding. Its extremely painful emotionally and Im reaching out for help. I have planned to call and see about getting a therapist for months, but havent yet. Still want to... I look up a lot of info about narcissists too. Is anyone else dealing with a similar situation?

Hello everyone. Im here to seek support from other survivors. I've been abused by my ex in everyway.. Verbal, emotional, physical, and then he manipulated me into thinking somehow it was my fault and i deserved it. You guys dont know me, but im the most understanding a compassionate girl and to be treated like im literally the evil person they hate when they look in the mirror.. Is like living someone elses dark life when u had such a bright one on your own. I just struggle with not understanding why he woukdnt get professional help to be able to possibly keep me. I finally became strong enough to tell him we are not together anymore but its been the false hope that keeps breaking me because i love him n its such a horrible thingto love someone you will not allow yourself to go back to

Hi,

I've gone through verbal abuse by others on and off my whole life. It's hard for me to admit or talk about the abuse to others. I've been treated that way by a parent, kids from school, and as an adult I am recognizing that my romantic relationships have been abusive too. I'm recently out of a domestic violence relationship. I try to give myself credit for being a survivor all my life. I'm trying to take small steps to recover and get better. It helps me to admit that the abuse actually happened. And it helps me to know that I'm not alone and that there are caring people.

Hello,

I'm feeling so low and trapped in the prison of my house. With the long term abuse of more than 25 years, even though I got my abusive husband out of the house I am left with his gross neglect and sabotage of the house itself (he couldn't bother to fix anything up or allow me to ever call in professional repair people - plumbers, carpenters, handymen, etc.). There are many safety issues with tub, toilet, ceilings, etc. that I can't handle myself. My kids and I are doing all we are capable of doing. I've reached out into the community to find help and have found none...not even anyone to mentor us in how we might tackle some of the lesser things. At this point, I no longer have money to pay for work to be done, either...or to get a loan, because there is nothing left to make payments. And some of these house issues pose serious safety issues. I reached out to a church affliliated community resource, and they told me they would help with some of the work but 3 months have gone by since my initial request and each time I check in, the can is kicked down the road. I just learned of another helping organization and applied only to learn that in my city, they have no longer any ties.

I need time away, a respite. He took even that from me. Before his last assault on me in the house, I had a trip planned for myself. His jealousy, envy and thinking of me has his property made sure that I couldn't take that trip, and I lost my money invested in it, now there is not money to even go to a hotel in my own city to get away. My insomnia is so severe that I'm lucky to get 2 total (broken up ) hours of sleep a night - and I don't ever crash and sleep long later - even the therapist who works with insomnia sees my case as definitely unique.

I do not have energy during the day, I never know what my days will be like, making paid employment impossible (even 'regular' volunteering)....in addition to C-PTSD from his and his family's long-standing narcissistic abuse of me and keeping me isolated to the point that I have no family or friends left. I go in circles, but find no way out. The domestic violence center advocates see that there has to be a break in one of these things in order to heal - and more than likely all at once - getting out of the house will allow new environment to allow sleep, so I could possibly begin to heal and concentrate on my future.

I have absolutely no one in my life that checks in with me or offers to help. This is not the way I treat other people - so it hurts so much to be treated this way. I've done personality tests and my strengths are in pitching in and caring for/helping/defending others (which made me easy prey by my abusive husband to begin with).

I do try to exercise. I do try to use meditation - my mind veers right to my problems while meditating! I love the outdoors, but winter and windchill make that impossible at this time of year. I truly need the social and human interaction outside of therapy...my last therapist I had to let because in my sessions she discovered that her husband was abusing her and she was using my sessions for herself. I am working with a different one now.

Hey, Im new to this app. My dad is an alcoholic and emotionally abuses me and my mom. Its gotten to the point where he isolates me from my family and friends. He says hes not a strict parent but yet he never lets me do anything and Ive never had a childhood. I spent that time being another parent for my little siblings etc. I just need help and support please.

Hi, I'm Raven and I want to talk to you about a problem I have with my older brother. He is extremely aggressive towards me, and constantly puts me down in front of others.

He will call me names such as C***, B****, worthless, useless, D*ckh**d, piece of sh**, tell me to P*** off, and all other sorts of horrible, mean things. Keep in mind, I'm a early teen age girl.

He even does it in front of my parents, who say im just as bad (which I'm DEFINITELY not, I promise you) - and he is physically and mentally abusive towards me. An hour ago, he started cussing and verbally abusing me, and I started to record him to show my parents.

He caught me recording him, and he became aggressive. He grabbed me by the neck and tossed me backwards, me falling over. He tried to take my phone but I held my leg up, ready to defend myself if he attempted to hurt me again, and I told him to leave the room firmly, but he blocked the doorway and started to threaten me. He started, again, to cuss at me until I ignored him and started to clean up the mess he'd made. My cousin heard the fighting and told my brother to leave me alone. I'm scared what my brother will do in the future, and what might have happened if my cousin hadn't come and told my brother off. My brother is 16. I don't feel comfortable around d him. Today he crossed crossed a line that he can't cm, and I just need to be given some advice. My parents tell him to not swear and hurt me but he does so anyway. What if he does it again?