Domestic Abuse Community Check-in - Come and say hello!
Heyyyy Hi, I'm Misty!
I was wondering who might be around here still and to see how you are?
Come and say hello and give us an update on what is going on, we are here to support you.
Let us know what you would like to see here to help you the most.
I know that sometimes just finding a listener can be hard so maybe we might look at starting a meet and greet here?
Anyway come and say hello!
I have tagged some of the previous posters here;-
@courteousTree1628 @calmPudding76 @Gracey@ Furaventos @Rebecca @Fairminded7475
@Geshem @Zaubin @AnyaS @missfrier @Turquoisemap6225 @littlehobbit101 @dynamichemlock1736 @kittentrees
@rosemelody95 @yelloweyes4455 @Rhaena @100percentfeelings @MonBon
Hi! I was in an abusive marriage for almost 5 years. I broke up with him a year and a half ago. I knew I was in a toxic relationship since then. I knew he abused me but thought I could just forget about it and move on. I just realized I can't. I started therapy a few days ago. I'd never admitted I was abused until now.
@Victoria541 Welcome and well done for realising you needed some extra support. It can be really frightening to realise what has happened and I am glad you have reached out here too, if I can help 1-1 then please message me 
One step at a time.
Listening .... One Step At A Time
@MistyMagic
Thank you! I will message you. I'm hoping to find a long term listener to help me through the process.
Hi.. I'm currently in an abusive marriage with no foreseeable way out (I've discussed it with my therapist for over a year.. Really I can't leave.. Please don't try to convince me). I struggle with depression and realized that my depression can't be properly treated as long as im with someone who constantly tears me down. So I'm just trying to cope..
@TwoHedgehogsAndAMouse
Thank you for sharing.
I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years. Always thought there was no way out until I finally opened up to my parents. It's still not over. But I'm glad I finally made it out. Even though I'm very ashamed for having stayed so long.
Feel free to talk about the problems you go through. I won't tell you to leave, if you can't find a way out. But I'm here to listen and understand without judging you for staying.
Please try to stay safe as much as you can.
Im not certain if I belong here. My spouse and I have been together over two decades. I have no intention of leaving him and I dont want to. Most of the time he is a wonderful man. Most of the time I am not so wonderful. I know I have treated him in ways he does not deserve. I havent given him the support due him as a wife because of my own lack of functioning.
Just now I relistened to a recording I had made once. It had never really crossed my mind but I saw it somewhere on a dv chatline or maybe a counselor mentioned it. The things on that recording are the type of things that haunt me.
It would seem they dont haunt him equally but Im not certain he has recollection of it or other times as he was often blackout drunk.
I just need help making peace with the memories.
Thanks in advance for any help in the area of letting go and thank you for listening.
I do wish the forum for this would start soon.
I have some questions such as what is abuse? And both ways. Like where have I been abusive as well?
I would really like a way to recover from this if it is possible. Id like to accept, learn from it, forgive and move on.
Its maybe foolish but Im having a difficult time doing that on my own. I hope people with similar experiences and/or knowledge in this area could maybe help me learn how to get from this place Im stuck in my thoughts/emotions/behaviors. Bc as it is I get little done all day and am often grappling with regrets and other unpleasant (and at this point) unuseful thougts/emotions.
There is no one here. There is not a reply. 😞
@themainjane
Hi jane! I'm sorry you have not yet received a reply :( It is never good to feel unheard. I have seen your questions such as "what is abuse?" and "where have I been abusive?" and I think those are excellent questions.
According to the Gale Encyclopaedia of Medicine, the definition of abuse is the following1: Abuse is defined as any action that intentionally harms or injures another person.
Do you agree with this definition?
If you do, I think you can answer your second question: Were your intentions to harm or injure? Harm in the context of abuse can include any of the following:
- physical abuse
- psychological abuse
- rape
- sexual assault
- verbal abuse
- elder abuse
- financial abuse
- spiritual abuse
- emotional abuse
We are currently working on building up this team so I hope we get better at responses <3
@MonBon
Thank you so much for responding.
I was actually just now down to the payment information of signing up for a cups counselor. (I have used this service in the past and although it hadnt gone as I had hoped for various reasons, I thought it might be time to try again). I stopped at giving my card information only Bc I got cold feet and considering it is a Friday evening perhaps I should wait until Monday? But I do not know.
Im just really looking to take some steps very soon. Im tired of living this way.
Thank you for the definition/information.
Ive been having difficulty finding a Listener - or one that is available that I feel is qualified to deal with the things Id like to address.... and its a lot to ask of a volunteer. Thats why Im considering counseling again. I need someone to talk to, advice, guidance, support.
Thank you again
@themainjane
I do recommend waiting until Monday, just because the counselors I think do not generally respond on the weekends. Whatever you choose, I hope you get the support you need <3
@MonBon
Thank you so much for this tip. I had thought it both ways: its the weekend so no one will be around versus its the weekend and those with weekday obligations might be more available to respond to their online clients. Although Im certain they could think of better ways to spend a weekend.
So its good to know which one is more accurate.
How are you all today? I Hope your Sunday is peaceful.
What is your favourite food? I love spaghetti!
Listening .... One Step At A Time
@MistyMagic
hello. I cant think of a favorite food. I was doing okay but seeing this thread has effected my mood in I guess a negative way.
I dont feel I have a right to be here or maybe its not the best thing for me. I know others have had it much worse.
I wish my thoughts would leave me alone. I wish the past would stay in the past. I never move forward this way. I just get my feelings hurt all over again.
How is everyone getting on?
We have a special event starting on August 19th 2019, so please look out for further announcements and also tell us what you want to see Here <~~ click
Listening .... One Step At A Time
@MistyMagic
I dont understand this thread at all...
no one actually says anything. I see a bunch of stuff about internet safety. Im sure it applies to many. (Not to me).
I think information on safety planning is important and during the worst of it I was started to develop a plan to hide keys and money. It never came to that, thank goodness.
I mainly just wish I had someone to talk to about the things that have happened. I guess I should just address it with my counselor.
Its over and I should let it be over. My mind holds on wanting to figure it out. Im not certain what it is I hope to find? Probably at least support/feedback and validation or refute from someone who would know the differences in such things.
I dont know what others experiences have been but it seems odd that we should all suffer these things alone, only trying to muddle thru on our own.
Safety plans can be problematic I guess to say the least (in my opinion).
Usually by the time I realized things were about to head south they already had. I spent a lot of time trying to prevent things and predict the future and problem solve in advance. Like if he got too drunk I knew I had to put up with whatever and not do anything to alarm him or make him aware of my alarm. Then Id have a window of time when hed pass out and Id hide the keys, money, guns and get the pets somewhere away from him. Bc hes wake up again. And when hes wake up again it would be to drink again. On a regular night this would just go on and on usually until about 4 in the morning. It seemed he was oblivious to the distress he put me and the pets thru.
On a bad night he was more than aware of the distress he caused and it might get physical or he might leave. His leaving always struck me with such worry Bc I never knew what kind of trouble he might cause. I felt like I kept this horrible secret.
Ive not been easy to live with. Ive been verbally and emotionally abusuve to him. Ive held betrayals over his head.
Still I dont think these things deserve me being locked out of my own home to sleep in the stable or on the back porch. I dont think I deserved to have my nose broken. I dont think my pets (or myself) have deserved hostage negotiation when Id try to get one of our dogs away from him Bc he was being abusive to them but would not free them.
I dont think Ive deserved to hide in my bedroom or bathroom or have a locked door kicked open. I dont think Ive deserved to coax him inside Bc I knew he was about to hit me and didnt want the neighbors to see. I dont think Ive deserved to be a servant to him. I dont think Ive deserved to have my pleas met by more cruelty. I dont think Ive deserved hiding in a creek bed. I dont think I deserved being left behind to find my own way home from places. I dont think Ive deserved infidelity. I didnt deserve to hear he was going to jail for pointing a gun at a woman.
Its just been a lot and although its over now I still fear a return to one or several of these things if he chooses. And deep down I do wonder if I deserved it all and I get what I get so why should I try to avoid my own guilt?
Hi I
@BrightTriangle775
Hi, welcome, thank-you for saying hello and introducing yourself. Well done for leaving. There are lots of people here with similar situations that you can find support from.
Listening .... One Step At A Time
