Trauma Support Check-in, April 4th - April 11th
Hello Trauma Support Community ☺️
I wanted to take this time to check in with everyone. How are you doing? Is there anything you would like to share?
Hoping all is well, or that you know it will be someday. Please if you feel up to it, respond to each other supportively in the comments.
And for those silently reading, you are in my thoughts.
Best wishes, WriteToHeal42 ❤️
@WriteToHeal42 Hey Write :) It's so nice and thoughtful of you to create a check in for everyone! ❤️
@mytwistedsoul Happy to create such a space Twisty. How're you doing? If you want to share
@WriteToHeal42 You are awesome! ❤️
Our pet mouse went to mousy heaven today so feeling kind of sad and of course there can't be one problem without a few others stirred in. You know how it is. Thank you for asking
How are things with you?
@mytwistedsoul
I'm sorry for your loss! It's hard to say goodbye to our four-legged friends ❤️ 🐁
*offers a safe hug if okay*
I'm hanging in there, been struggling with a meds change, and some dissociative stuffs. I trust it'll continue to get better though
@WriteToHeal42 Thank you ❤️ (hugs) She was just a tiny thing when we found her
@mytwistedsoul 🙁 aww I'm sorry sweetie 😥 hugs you tightly 💗
@Tinywhisper11 (Hugs tightly back) ❤️ Thanks Tiny Pocket pets don't live very long - she was a very pampered forest mouse 😊
Would like to share that I’m dealing with a court case for leaving my abuser. so any mutual support or anyone who can relate, or simply share space and be a friend during this time will be appreciated.
Hi @gregariousGrapefruit7800, we're here with you. I hope and pray that the case goes well, and you find freedom and healing.
*sits with you*
Thank you
@gregariousGrapefruit7800 I hope everything goes well. It can be really scary sitting in the same room with an abuser. I know sometimes they like to try to intimidate even in those settings. But you are brave and a warrior! We'll be with you in spirit! Don't hesitate to reach out here if you need someone ❤️
@gregariousGrapefruit7800 awww bless you 🙁 well done for getting out of that situation, prays everything will go right for you 💗 gives you a giant tiny hug 💗
I'd like to share i feel utterly betrayed by my friend that got mad at me for telling her, while i understand it, it still hurt my feelings that she had no space to listen to me and my woes.
I won't be able to forget how she told me repeatedly it's not her fault i was hurt or how she said i pushed her boundaries by telling her how i felt and how I've been.
I won't get over how callously she talked about what happened to me as if it was just no big deal and yet she would suffer to much to listen.
And mostly i won't forget how she spent 13 minutes doing that, decided it wasn't enough and sent another audio message to say it all again.
@honestPear571
I'm sorry that you have experienced so much pain and rejection from your friend. She has the right to set boundaries, we all do. But I understand it felt so hurtful to you.
*Sits with you*
@WriteToHeal42 i agree we all have the right to boundaries since I've had to exercise them myself and i respected hers from my perspective. She said she didn't want to hear about my experience and i never told her. She still has no idea what happened to me. What i grapple with is her getting mad at me for saying that rejection hurt my feelings. I keep trying to figure if that crosses a boundary too and i legitimately don't know because to me it wouldn't have. I had a friend tell me it hurt her feelings that i couldn't hold her pain and i agreed it was hurtful and i apologized. Even if she didn't applogize or agree i never expected her to be mad and rant at me so that's where my feelings of unsureness come in. Can i ask for your thoughts?
@honestPear571
That does sound confusing. As a stranger to the situation, I can't claim any insight as to why she responded like that, but I can ask you some questions.
Is it out of character for her to respond to little things with anger? If so, it could be an off day for her, or she could be showing her true colors.
Are you okay with being treated like this? It's okay to set your own boundaries with her too.
Do you want to ask why she reacted that way? And do you want to tell her how you felt? We can't read her mind, she's the only one who can tell you why.
And again, I'm sorry she treated you this way, it was very hurtful. I hope you will find some resolution for this, and of course you are welcome to share here what you are comfortable sharing. ❤️
@WriteToHeal42
I would say a year ago it was out of character but for the last year she has been being more and more callous and dismissive with me. She has been expressing much harsher ideas than I've heard before and have been preaching a very (to me) strange narrative about silver linings and has been trying to force it on me when i go to her for comfort.
I don't know if it's right to share, but when i told her i was used in the past she spinned it as "well atleast guys find you attractive" and in the back of my mind i consider that when thinking of how she addressed me in this situation i mentioned in this thread. She's so empathetic about everything else and i to her that i never considered i could recieve anger over this but when i reflect i can see how it happened now.
I'm not okay with being treated this way at all.
I don't even want to ask why she reacted this way because I'm afraid the answer will hurt more. And i feel that telling her my feelings again would only get more of this responce. she has explicitly told me in the past i can tell her anytime my feelings are hurt i could tell her and i told her i was planning to do tell her something she did that hurt and triggered me. Her responce was only "well I'll only be able to say sorry no taking it back" and it bothered me just because she seemed uninterested in avoiding my trigger nor sounded very sincere.
I even finally told her my trigger when i poured my heart out to her (she had laughed at it before knowing and i clammed up at the time) but she didn't even acknowledge it when she responded but said the word over and over again very strongly when she responded back.
Sorry this is quite long, i just wanted someone to understand me more. I think my decision is made but i still have alot to think about.
@honestPear571 I've found that there are some people that we just can't take our problems to even if we consider them friends. Some people might only be friends we can have fun with and others might be deeper friendships that we share everything with that person and they do the same with us
@mytwistedsoulThank you for your thoughtful responce and advice. I think you understood it all very well and i appreciate your comment so much.
For me she is my longest friend and who i always went to. She has alsays shown alot of calm and patience for everyone as well as blunt but respectful honesty. I always admired that about her and have been trying to emulatr it myself.
I know i sound like a broken record, but i really just couldn't get over the anger in her voice when she responded to me. I had a sutuation loke this happen before with a friend but the roles were reversed. I couldn't understand her pain but i only knew she was in pain and i kept trying to help but the more that other friend spiraled the more i saw myself as not being helpful so i apologized for not being helpful and want silent. It took me a long while to realize what i had done was wrong and rather than not wanting to keep saying the wrong thing, i realized i was running away from feelings i couldn't do anything about. I did comrback and apolgize and acknowledge all my wrings and opened the floor for that friend to twll me anything she needed or wanted to, butnit doesn't change that I was wrong, in some peoples view, equally as wrong despite not expressing anger.
Feels like what happened was my penance for what i did wrong, but i also feel i can't take it. She's the last person ih ave left that i could have ever called me a loved one, but I'm as hurt by her as the day my mother told me she didn't love me and i have no reason to go back home.
I don't want to fight just for it to end the same way if that makes any sense at all.
Thank you for letting me pour my heart out. I hope it's notnto heavy a burden and i hope you are having a good day/night
@honestPear571 I don't think you sound like a broken record at all. You and her sound like you were very close and I know she said she she didn't have space to listen but the anger sounds like it was alittle over the top. We can hold our boundaries with people and remind people of them but usually we don't have to get super angry with someone. Unless of course they constantly push our boundaries and then we might get upset but not so angry as your friend seems to be
Im trying to process and let go of what happened to me. My husband would have sex with me while i was asleep on meds. This is rape and i have no idea how to let it go. I found out because my neighbor heard us. I was devastated. I got pregnant that night. I ended up losing the baby and its so painful. I've wanted a child all my life. I've waited for over 20 years. I accept that i more than likely never have this beautiful baby girl i dream about. How do i let go of what he did to me. I did divorce him in 2019 but i stayed with him 8 more years. I believed i was unlovable. I have since learned im worth loving. I am learning to love myself, this is something i want to let go. Im trying to give it to my God, but i don't know how to not pick it up and beat myself up for it.
@honestKitten3369
I'm so sorry that you went through all this pain and trauma. It takes time to process this, the path of healing isn't linear.
You are worthy of love, you are right about that, no matter how anyone has treated you. Not all people have the capacity to love though, and can send the false message that we are not worthy of love.
*sits with you*
@honestKitten3369 reading that made me cry 😢 my heart goes out for you. We are all here for you 💗
@WriteToHeal42 I've had a pretty good week🙂💖 the weather has been really nice here so I've been able to spend a lot of time in the garden under the willow tree by my sons cross, its so peaceful there 💖 I just sit and talk to God and my son, with some country music playing💖
@Tinywhisper11
Hey Tiny, that sounds like a lovely week ☀️ I hope you continue to find those peaceful times, and peace in any storms that come your way 😊
@WriteToHeal42 thanks sweetie 💖💖 gives you a giant tiny hug 💗
