Trauma Support Community Check In: Thursday-Friday 3-4 December 2020
Hi everyone. The snow has started in my neck of the woods and the image outside my window makes me feel so at peace. Speaking of which, I thought we would talk about some visualization techniques today! Visualization is a coping strategy to help calm us down, control our emotions, or help with meditation. The key to visualization is practise. The more often you create your visualizations when you're in a decent headspace, the easier it will be to call on when you're in a worse or destructive headspace. Here are two visualizations I like, feel free to try them out now or save them for another time. I will also provide links for some other visualization exercises.
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Relaxing 'Safe Place' Imagery
Imagine a place where you can feel calm, peaceful and safe. It may be a place you've been to before, somewhere you've dreamt about going to, or maybe somewhere you've seen a picture of.
Focus on the colours in your peaceful safe place. Now notice the sounds that are around you, or perhaps the silence.
Think about any smells you notice there.
Then focus on any skin sensations - the earth beneath you, the temperature, any movement of air, anything else you can touch.
Now whilst you're in your peaceful and safe place, you might choose to give it a name, whether one word or a phrase that you can use to bring that image back, anytime you need to.
You can choose to linger there a while, just enjoying the peacefulness and serenity. You can leave whenever you want to, just by opening your eyes and being aware of where you are now.
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How do you feel about safe space imagery? What is your safe space (if you feel comfortable sharing)?
Mine is the library in the neighborhood where I grew up :3
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Containment Exercise
Some of you may remember this exercise from 1-1s with me. It is one of my favourite for putting overwhelming emotions away either after a difficult chat or honestly just whenever it needs to be done. First, make sure you are comfortable and breathing normally.
Picture a container. It can be any container, but you need to be able to close it in some way securely.
Do a slow and controlled body scan. Starting at your head, muscles in the face, neck, chest, heart, back, stomach, hips, thighs, knees, calves, feet. Find where you can feel the negative or overwhelming feelings in your body and slowly, carefully, put them in your container. Take any aches and pains and put them in your container. If something feels especially sticky, feel free to sit with it until you've gotten as much as possible into your container. Put away all negative emotions, any fear, anger, anxiety, sadness... put it all in your container.
Take as long as you need to do this.
When you feel you've put what you can in your container, close it securely, lock it if you can. Now put your container away in a safe place where you can still acess it if you need to.
Take a deep breath and come back to the room you're in. Squidge your toes a bit, touch your surroundings. How do you feel?
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If you feel comfortable, what was your container? I love hearing the answers to this question. Remember your container can also change over time, so don't be concerned if one day your container is something new, this is normal.
How do you feel about visualization? Do you see it as a coping strategy you could add to your toolbox?
Here is a helpful link with more visualization exercises!
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If visualization isn't for you, that's ok! Thank you for checking in, how are you feeling today?
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@Hoxenos
Hiya! Pawsome check in. Visualization is very interesting, ima definitely try it, thx so much for the information and the links.
Hang tough stay pawsome ur friend 🔥
@Fireskye13
I'm glad you found it interesting, Fire. I hope it benefits you when you try it out <3
@Hoxenos
Thank u for this informative post. I'm having a bit of a hard time processing some repressed memories. Couple things reminded me of a person to whom I had opened up about my childhood trauma. I was immediately told that my abuser "deep in his heart cared about me" but my abuser didn't know how to show that care. That something must've happened with my abuser that made him carry out the abusive acts. It made me feel like they were justifying my abuser. As if I'm supposed to feel ok with my abuse because my abuser can have his justifications or reasons to carry out the abuse. Idk how someone can claim that deep in his heart my abuser cared about me. I don't know how that claim can be made without first hearing all the things my abuser did. It added to the self blame thoughts
I'm sorry that I didn't do the checkin questions. I hope you're doing well too
@clare7199
Hi Clare, absolutely no need to apologize for not doing the questions. They're simply prompts for IF someone wants a prompt. If you already have something you wanted to share, then that's fabulous.
I'm sorry that you got a response like that Clare. I really connect with the feelings you had when the person who was supposed to support you instead defended your abuser. It is so disappointing when this happens. I like to believe that people do this with good intentions and it simply comes out wrong, but since I don't know the situations well I obviously couldn't say. I feel like sometimes support people jump right into explanation and fixing mode and they think about how THEY would feel in that situation instead of simply listening and validating your experience. Sometimes it doesn't matter what an abuser did what they did. The fact is that they DID it, and they can't undo it no matter what they try to say after. As trauma survivors it can be so frustrating when we are minimized and not validated. We are not a problem looking for a solution, we are voices screaming to be heard.
No one has the right to tell you how to feel about your abuse or your abuser. You are allowed to feel however you're going to feel about it. The fact is that someone intentionally did something to harm you, and regardless of if they "love you and didn't know how to show it appropriately" that's their fault, it's not your responsibility to forgive someone who hurt you. It's a choice you have, but there is absolutely no obligation if you don't want to do it.
Somethinig I have come to realize is that many people just don't understand how abuse is possible, so they rationalize it within their own idea of how reality is. They need a reason for it to make sense for THEM and it stops being about you. I'm sorry that you went through this when seeking support and I'm happy you checked in today to talk about it.
@Hoxenos
Thank u 💟 I think what really made me upset about that person's statement to whom I had opened up, was that how they said that my abuser must have cared about me deep down. It's something I find really hard to wrap my head around because I think that if someone really cares about u, they'll not hurt and abuse u when you're vulnerable and a child
@clare7199
It's defintiely a really difficult subject. I personally do believe that people can both care about someone and hurt them. That being said, I don't think that their caring for someone should mean that hurting them is ok. I also want to say that not all abusers do actually love their victims.
The fact is that regardless of how your abuser feels deep down, it doesn't change what they did. In fact, maybe it even makes it worse? Because like you said, how can someone hurt someone they apparently love. It's a breach of trust, a breach of boundaries, a breach of so much and a betrayal because of the care component.
This being said, I don't know your situation and so I'm not claiming to know what your perpetrator felt.
I aso think that when someone abuses you but claims they love you, that it is a narcisistic form of love. It is love on their terms, considering their wants and needs and ignoring yours. Now is this actually love? Can this be considered actual care? Or is this manipulation or obsession. Some of these people think they care but in reality it's more of a social pressure to think that you care, and maybe their abuse is a symptom of them not caring and not understanding how they are supposed to feel.
This is such a tricky subject. I'm sorry that you're going through having to puzzle this out. I'm sorry if anything I have said upsets you, and I hope you feel you can tell me if you disagree with anything I have said. I'm not claiming to be an expert, I'm just going off of my own experiences and the experiences others have shared with me.
My abuser loved me, still loves me, but he also did irreparable damage and I have cut him out of my life. He regrets, and it's my choice to decide that I don't care that he regrets, he still did what he did. I feel no obligation to let him be in my life. There are consequences to actions.
@Hoxenos
Thank u for the checkin 💟
Hi @Hoxenos!
How do you feel about safe space imagery? What is your safe space (if you feel comfortable sharing)?
I like this concept. While practicing this exercise on the first read through, I imagined the place where I would go to be alone and/or watch the sunset at my childhood family camp.
I realized I've used safe space imagery before by imaging my friends huging me, or going back to other happy memories and setting them on "replay."
If you feel comfortable, what was your container? I love hearing the answers to this question. Remember your container can also change over time, so don't be concerned if one day your container is something new, this is normal.
My container was a fishtank with lockable straps. It's clear I guess so I can find what I put in there if needed. I put it on a shelf in the garage in my mind. Interesting, because there was not a garage in my headspace before this.
How do you feel about visualization? Do you see it as a coping strategy you could add to your toolbox?
Yes! I like the container and safespace concepts. This is definitely a strategy I'll use/continue to use.
@HunterRose
Hi Hunter,
I'm so happy that you liked the exercises and plan to add them to your toolbox. I love the fishtank in the garage. The first time I ddi this, I put my container in the storage room of the house I grew up in. I suppose I knew it wouldn't be disturbed there? Our minds are truly fascinating, and it's neat what we hold on to and create. Thank you for checking in today <3
How do you feel about safe space imagery? What is your safe space (if you feel comfortable sharing)?
I love safe space imagery, it atually helps me relax and go to sleep on difficult nights.
My safe space is also a library. It's my favourite place in the whole world, because of all the time I spent their, the soothing serenity, and practically every book I've ever read since I was old enough to read.
I can remember the slightly musky yet clean smell of the place, how cold it was. I remember the feel of the bookshelves, and the benches. Those benches were adorable, with animals on the sides. There weren't a lot of them, so if one was free I'd grab a few books and plant myself there, even though it wasn't super comfortable in the first place. I remember for the carpet felt, rough against my legs when I sat down on the floor, too engrossed in a book to find a place to sit. The librarians would always come and tell me to find a place to sit, and not sit on the carpet. I remember clearly where all my favourite books are, and the many stories that filled their pages.
It's too bad that they've renovated the library. The new design is so beautiful I couldn't bring myself to complain, but the library I grew up in will always be my favourite place.
@honestpanda81
Hi Panda, thanks so much for participating today. I love this library image! Although I may be biased. For me, the moment I focus on is when the sun would be streaming in, in a sleepy afternoon. The quality of the air felt stuffy and musty while the books heated up. This place was the only place I really relazed and I know this because I had this odd quirk where the moment I entered the library I would have to go to the bathroom. Because... I had just relaxed for the first time that day. I'm glad they haven't recovated mine yet, but I'm sure it'll happen eventually and I will be very sad when that happens.
@Hoxenos
The feel of warm sunlight on skin on a lazy afternoon is such a nice sensation. My library was the opposite, actually. There were no windows, so stepping in would literally feel like stepping into a different dimension. The hustle of bustle of the world outside would be silenced and left behind the moment the library doors closed behind you when you first enter, which was always my favourite part of the library. Even the free wifi in the mall would refuse to work in the library, making it a delightfully peaceful environment.
Haha, I always made sure to go to the bathroom before stepping into the library because it was so frustrating to have to leave my books behind unattended while I went to the bathroom. Besides, I never wanted to leave the quiet, serene corners of the library.
You'll miss your old library for sure, Hox, but if the renovation was worth it's salt, you'll fall in love with the new one in no time. I remember bouncing with glee the first few (maybe 10) times I walked into the new library. (Okay I lied, I have not stopped admiring the new library) It might not be a safe place anymore, but it's definitely a happy place
@honestpanda81
This was so positive and wonderful to read. The mere existences of our two libraries, the connections we have with them, and the feelings involved, have joined together two random strangers on the internet to discuss this feeling of pure joy and safety. I loved this so much. It genuinely brought a smile to my face, and I hope it did for you too <3
@Hoxenos Hey Hi.
The snow has begun here as well. I agree that it is beautiful and peaceful, I can't help but think of the hours it will take to clean it up.
These are both wonderful techniques. With Imagery, it can be used by anyone regardless of age, so it can be helpful with children as well as adults. There are a number of different ones used here. A small cabin in the woods, the shoreline of a lake we've never been to and a small glen in a hollow in the woods are just a few. A library sounds very nice. The quietness and the smell of paper that you can only get from books.
The containment exercise has been used here for quite some time. The containers are mostly steel lockboxes, with various latches and clasps, some with padlocks, and some with combination locks. A few containers are similar to small steam trunks with simple trunk locks. All these are kept in a special room in a small fortress in the woods. Unfortunately at times I think this has become more of a habit rather then a method for coping, because it seems to be done more often then it should be. Often with the intent on revisiting it later but it never actually is. Perhaps it simply isn't time yet.
Thank you for the check in.
@mytwistedsoul
Hi Soul, thanks so much for checking in today. I love the images you use for your visualizations, they sound like they come from a VERY creative place, that's so neat.
I think your reflection about containment is a tricky thing and I really appreciated reading it. In trauma there is often an involuntary containment that happens via dissociation. One of the things I like about containment visualization is that it is us taking the control back in that process. We manually sort through the feelings and put them away. I think containment is doubly strong because the moments that you take to sit with the feelings while you're putting them away also counts as a form of processing the emotions. I would be willing to wager that you do a lot more work than you think you do with containment, even if it feels like avoidance sometimes, and that's not even including the fact that it works as practise on managing our extreme emotions.
That being said, I'm not going to invalidate how you feel and if you're worried you use it too much, then maybe you're on to something. At the end of the day it's up to you to listen to you and it sounds like you're doing an awesome job of that, so great work <3
@Hoxenos
It quite possible that I misunderstood what you were talking about. It was my understanding that the distressful feelings, emotions and memories were placed into containment until a time when we can deal with them calmly, not that they were gone over before being placed inside the container.
@Hoxenos
Hey, I tried both these things and they kind of worked. In the sense that even though i didn't exactly travel to a different place, I opened my eyes and kind of got brought back to reality. It was also calming. The jar thing kind of backfired because when I opened my eyes I remembered all my insecuritites, but it's okay. I got to sleep better afterwards, so thanks.
@mildraindrops
Hi Mild, thanks for trying out the exercises. I find that it can take some practise sometimes for containment, but I'm really happy that it still worked on some level for you and you got some sleep. Remember that visualization is a tool like any, and with practise you'll see more and more benefits from it. But also remember that sometimes it may not work and that's why we just make sure we have a lot of strategies so when one doesn't work we have something to fall back on. I hope these strategies end up helping you in the future! <3 Thanks for participating today.
@Hoxenos I love doing visualization and I find it helps very much for me.
@Goldcherry2113
Hi Gold!
I'm so glad to hear that! I know that some people might steer away because they're not visual people, but I find that since it tries to engage all the senses experience, I find it can be helpful for most people, I love it too :)
Thanks for coming by and checking in today <3
@Hoxenos, hello!
My safe space is like a fictional world where I hang out with my imaginary friends. I lack social skills, so I have a tendency to imagine a different world instead. My parents won't really help if I told the emotions that I repressed in front of them.
I never heard of Containment exercise before. Thanks for the info.
Take care!
@LovelyOrangeJuice
I'm happy that you have a safe place you can go to in your mind when you need it. I find that these palces are our blueprints for what we want in the world, so maybe even if right now you don't have friends like that, perhaps now that you have their blueprints in your mind, you may find them in the outside world one day. <3
I hope containment helps when you try it out, it can be a great tool to have ^^
@Hoxenos
how are you feeling today? pretty positive and happy!
@Kenn13chan
Yay! I'm so happy for you. Would you be willing to share with me one of the positive feelings you have right now? Is there something going on? I'm so excited for you!
Thank you 💓 it really helps
