Trauma Support Community Check-in: 23 May 2021
Hey everyone ❤️
Today's check-in is about unpacking your emotions. Feel free to answer a couple of the questions, tell us about your day, or just check in to say that you've been doing okay so far ❤️
A very common coping mechanism for dealing with difficult feelings is to ignore them. Deny, forget, push away, pretend, distract - all of these are useful when you want to just survive the intensity of the moment. But these emotions never really go away, do they? Somehow, they can keep coming back, even after you stop feeling them
So what do we do about these feelings then?
Well, let me start by telling you about what happened to me this morning. I woke up feeling particularly lonely, and kept mulling over this memory that had popped up. Honestly, I didn't even know how upset it made me until I started having an imaginary conversation with the person involved about what happened:
Them: But how did you feel about it?
Me: It just felt...like a betrayal. You guys went behind my back to talk about all of this. I didn't know what was happening until the accusations started
Them: I did feel bad about it, but we didn't want to hurt your feelings by talking about it in front of you
Me: I know you didn't, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. I trusted you to tell me if something was wrong. I was in the wrong, you're right, but things didn't have to happen the way they did
Them: okay, I'm sorry
Me: I'm sorry too
Granted, this conversation never actually happened. But then I realised that I had been letting my mind assume the worst about them. I thought it would protect me from people who would hurt me that way again. All I did was stop myself from trusting people who really wanted to help me. I shut them out when I needed a listening ear most, and it's taken me several months to fully process all the emotions that I buried that day so I wouldn't say anything I'd regret
The truth is, sometimes you need to allow yourselves to feel the full scale of the pain in order to figure out where the thorn is. No matter how long it's been, no matter how painful the emotions are, we'll have to face them sooner or later. If there's something knocking on your heart right now, maybe now is a good time to sit down, and have an honest conversation with yourself ❤️
Questions:
1. What are some things you buried that still bug you to this day?
2. How did you really feel? (there's no right or wrong way to feel)
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Hiya, I am not doing too well today but just about coping.
@CalmCoral
Hey Coral ❤️ I'm sorry to hear you're not doing great, but glad to know that you're coping with it so far. It's okay to take things one step at a time, and we're here - you never walk alone ❤️ *offers a gentle, safe hug*
@hopebeyondpain Thanks :)
Hi. I had some old things packed up because I was busy unpacking other issues. I recently let myself focus on them, and it was a little scary when unexpected physical symptoms emerged. I'm not sure if I've fully unpacked the newly discovered things yet. But it does feel better just acknowledging them.
It's a hard balance trying to make space for these things while also having some kind of "normal" life.
Thankyou. I hope you are doing better.
@shellofashell
Hey ❤️ Ah, I understand - that first time in a long time can be so intense. It's scary, but actually pretty normal if we've been burying these things for that long. I've always found it amazing how our bodies can divert and adapt so profoundly to emotional pain that it surprises us when we uncover it. I've often wondered myself if I'll ever fully unpack everything too, but I've learned to let myself take things one step at a time. The issues and feelings will pop up when they will pop up, and I'll unpack them when I get there ❤️
It always feels weird when you're trying to handle a big personal issue, while the rest of life carries on the way it always has. It almost feels as if the world should come to a standstill while you are processing these things, because life fades a little into the background. i want you to know that it's you get set aside time to grieve and process these things. Whatever this is, it was big, and it matters a lot to you. Don't let anyone decide for you how you're going to walk through this
We're here for you if you ever want to talk about it ❤️ Some of us might have gone through something similar, and we can journey through this together. You're not alone in all of this ❤️
I'm doing better ❤️ Thank you for care and concern. Take care, and I hope you'll have a better week ahead
1. I always hid my heart from the world out of fear no one person would let it go so I could continue my journey. This was out of fear that people would fight each other for it. 2. I felt like I had to solve everyone's problems before I could overcome my own struggles. Through seeing others struggles I learned my own and thus had the ability to heal myself.
@Understandingempath
Hey ❤️ I can see why you did that, I imagine it must feel awful if you found yourself becoming the reason other people got into conflicts with each other. This is just a thought of mine, but I don't feel that it would be your fault at all. Everyone is in control of their own actions and decisions. As long as we don't intentionally cause any harm, there's no reason for you to hold yourself responsible for the way other people behave ❤️ We do what we can with what we have, and we let go of what we can't do
I understand the heartache of seeing other people struggle, and I can completely see why you'd feel this way. Still, this can be a really exhausting way to approach your relationships. Unless the person involved is a young child or otherwise dependant person you're responsible for, you're never really responsible for solving someone else's problems. You're a human being with your own difficulties and your own problems, and your needs matter ❤️ I'm just glad that you managed to learn so much from helping and observing others, and use it in your own life to get to a better place ❤️
Thank you for checking in with us today ❤️ Take care, and I hope you'll have a good week ahead
I am not fully sure what has been happening in my life. I am getting care for schizphernia and I could not sit for my college exams too. It feels like I am in psychosis all of the time and don't know what is real anymore. I forget things that happened a minute ago and losing my ability to dos things like brush my hair
@hillsideblues
Hey ❤️ Gosh, that does sound serious. If you're worried, then the best way to find what what's happening is to see a psychiatrist. This clearly isn't normal for you, and I would be concerned to if I noticed this happening to me. If you need any help with seeking help, you can always ask around here - there are lots of people who have seen a professional and can tell you more about it ❤️
@hopebeyondpain Thank you ❤️ I already see professionals/psychiatrists
i’m doing okay. better, i think
@scw727
Hey there ❤️ That's good to hear! Every victory is worth celebrating, no matter how small. I'm proud of you for holding on ❤️ Keep going, my friend ❤️ Take care, and I hope you'll have a better week ahead
Today started out rough. Hope it’s better as the day progresses.
@ClumsyNerd
Today started out rough. Hope it’s better as the day progresses.
Hey there ❤️ I'm sorry to hear today started out badly. I hope things improved afterwards ❤️ Even if they didn't, I hope you've been trying your best to hold on and stay afloat, and I'm proud of you for that ❤️ Take care, and I hope you'll have a restful week ahead
My relationship with my parents have been troublesome for most of my life. I think it's just circumstances or them being old school or just hurtful or me being a mess of a child. Maybe all of them but I just hope God knows better and things get better for me and one day i see and feel things in a much better way.
Thanks for the article. I feel no different but I am hopeful there is a strong force which helps everybody out.
Have a good day 😊
@Storyhymns1234
Hey there ❤️ I can relate to that so much. I'm going to be an adult soon, and it scares me a little that our relationship might continue the way it is now, but you give me hope that I can still hold onto God's goodness and faithfulness even if things I don't see things getting better
We can't control how other people behave, and we can't tell what will happen in the next days, months, and years of our lives, but we can hold onto the hope that one day things will get better ❤️ May God bless you and your relationship with your parents
I hope you'll have a good day too ❤️ Take care
@hopebeyondpain
1. What are some things you buried that still bug you to this day?
The feeling that I could have prevented the accident.
2. How did you really feel? (there's no right or wrong way to feel)
Worried, scared anxious!
@LadyFireStorm
Hey there ❤️
I'm awfully sorry ❤️ I wanted to say that it wasn't your fault. If we could turn back the clock, I know you'd do anything you can to help, but the past is the past. It's not something you can change, no matter how how much we want to. I'm offering a gentle, safe hug ❤️ Please take care, we are here for you
@hopebeyondpain
Hiya hope, thx for the support I appreciate it!. Ik I can't change it but my mind jus wont admit that yet i.g
1. Past harms I inflicted on my best friend fueled by an active addiction at the time. Stuck on making my ammends to her husband and it has resulted in distance, fear, shame and guilt. 2. Feel afraid. Sad. Selfish.
@Breaky37
Hey there ❤️ I'm really sorry to hear about what happened. I can tell that this is something that has weighed on your heart for a really long time. We're human, and sometimes we make terrible mistakes that we didn't mean. What's done is done, and there's nothing we can do to change that. You've been trying so hard to make amends, but the truth is that forgiveness is a personal journey. Each person decides for themselves if they want to forgive someone, and there's not that much you can really do for them in the meantime other than apologise and try to make amends ❤️
It sounds like what you might need is forgiveness from yourself. It's clear that you still blame yourself and feel like an awful person over this. It's true that you hurt your best friend, but that doesn't mean you're a terrible person. In fact, you get to decide who you want to be right now. You are capable of changing for the better ❤️ It's not the end of your journey
@hopebeyondpain
2. How did you really feel? (there's no right or wrong way to feel) I don't really feel to well but just trying to take it one step at a time
@Girlycat
Hey there ❤️ One step at a time is good ❤️ Keep going, and know that we're here for you. You can do this ❤️ Thank you for checking in with us today, and take care
